It's been a couple weeks and we still aren't together. I found out he slid in some girl's DM that went to our school but she curved him and after I found that out I wanted to know what else he was doing so I asked him.
"So have you been talking to other girls yet" with curiosity in my tone.
"No, I just been liking their pictures, why?"
"Are you lying?" I began to get angry.
"No.," he said with a grin on his face.
"Okay, keep lying to me," I walked away with disappointment.
One of my major pet peeves is when someone lies to me. It makes my skin crawl. I dislike a liar.
That Saturday night is when it all started. He put a, to be honest post up on Instagram and I liked it. I watched the likes and I saw Genie liked it. So I began to hope he put the, to be honest under her picture instead of her dm, and guess what? he did.
tbh~ yark *heart eyes*
My heart starts pumping rapidly and I didn't know what to do... I was just mad. I just went to sleep because I would hope to wake up and it never happened.
Unfortunately, when I woke up it was all still there it was very much real. My phone was constantly buzzing with his name popping up on my screen, he was tryna explain himself but I really wasn't trynna hear anything he was saying because I saw what he wrote and I know what it meant. So I just asked him what they talk about and I asked for him to send me their messages. He did, but they were only the messages of them playing iMessage games and he wasn't trying to send any other ones so I went to his house. it just went downhill from there.
I'm speeding down 4th street with my mind going crazy and Tanya in the passenger seat trying to calm me down. I get there in 3 minutes and he doesn't even know that I'm in front of his house. I get out of my car walk up the steps and twist the doorknob but it was locked so I began to knock and Mom-mom opens the door, she's excited to see me but she doesn't have any idea what's going on. I walk upstairs and into his room, he's laying down.
"Lemme sees the messages," I said with anger.
"Come here," as he chuckled.
"NO, lemme see the messages."
"Alright, dang."
I'm standing next to the bed waiting and he's taking his sweet time to give me the phone. Finally, he hands me the phone and I really wasn't prepared for what I was about to see. I started walking away from the bed with his phone and I'm just scrolling and reading. Every text message I read I got so mad and I could feel my blood starting to boil, my emotions bouncing off the walls and I had to stop because it was too much for me all at once, plus I saw enough. Just by reading the messages I found out he went to her house, kissed her, was touching and feeling on her. I felt betrayed. My chest was in pain, someone repeatedly stabbing me in the heart is what it felt like. Is this what heartbreak feels like? I asked myself.
After reading the messages I through his phone at the wall and began to walk about but then he stands in the doorway would not let me leave. I'm already angry so him not letting me leave is making me even angrier.
"Get out my way or I'm going to smack the s*** out of you," I warned him with a straight face.
"No, jus-"
SMACK!, I smacked him and shoved him out my way in mid-sentence.
I stormed down the steps out the front door and got into the car and just broke down.
"Omg, are you okay? What happened?" Tanya asked as she began to rub my back.
"Just read these messages," I passed her my phone.
I didn't know what to do, there was nothing I could do but just take the pain and cry. my chest was in so much pain, I felt the tears rolling down my face back to back to back, I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe this was happening to me, I just kept asking myself, what did I ever do to deserve this pain? I did everything for this boy and this is what I get in return? A stab in the back and my heartbroken? That all I kept asking myself.
As I'm having a breakdown I drove up the block to Keyonna house. I'm knocking on the door while Tanya is standing next to me. She finally answers the door.
"What happened?" she says with worry in her eyes.
I couldn't even talk so Tanya just shows her the messages on my phone and she just looks at me speechless, not knowing what to do or what to say to me. Which didn't bother me because I didn't know what to say or do myself.
I get back in my car and decide that I'm going to call his mom. So I did and I told her he was using her car to go see this girl. I can tell she didn't like that because the tone of her voice when she said "oh really, hold on" was shocking but upset. She puts herself me and him on three-way and tells me to go back to his and go inside and talk to him and Mommom. I told her I am not going to do that I don't want to talk to him about anything but I do need to get Tanya chrome book from him. She explains to me that I cannot drive in the emotional state I'm in. I agreed to park and calm down but I wasn't going in the house and talking to anyone.
I go get the chrome with limited communication as possible with him. After that all that just wanted comfort from my mom. I drive home and immediately go upstairs into her room as Tanya follows me and I just lay my head on her lap and start balling my eyes out again. I look up and she has this confused bothered look on her face and she asks;
"What happened?"
I told her everything that happened and all she had to say was "well leave him alone then."
Me being upset went out the window, I got angry and frustrated because I was expecting her to be there for me and comfort me, just be a mom but she didn't. She just looks at me and says leave him alone then. I didn't even get a huge rub on the back, she didn't even say it's going to be okay.
I went to the room and screamed into my pillow as Tanya's rubbing my back.
I tell Tanya lets go because I didn't even wanna be in my own house anymore. When we were walking out I hear my mom say " YOU BETTER NOT LEAVE THIS HOUSE!" as the door slams behind us.
I start walking, I had no destination I was just walking. The frustration I had was unbelievable, I couldn't do anything about anything, everything was totally out of my hands. I just wanted to leave to Texas and go live with my brother. The thought of going to school the next day made me just want to crawl into a hole and be forgotten by everyone. I felt like everything was just crashing down on me and the whole world was against me. I couldn't handle it, I was so close to even giving up on myself. But I had to be strong and pick myself back as I always do.
We make it back around to my house and I just go into the living room plopped on the couch, kick off my shoes, and curled up and cried. Tanya pours me a cup a juice and brings to me and says "it going to be a Lay." I really appreciated her being there for me throughout the morning with everything happening and just listening. Shes really like the sister I always wanted. While I'm sitting on the couch I decided to send Genie the message of Nathaniel saying "I don't want that b****" because I just thought she should know that her "man" is calling her a b**** and don't want her. So I screenshotted the message and sent it to her and told her to get her man. She screenshots it and then says "I don't care for it, boys ain't s***, ain't she new and these boys last of my worries." I just couldn't help but to laugh because I knew she cared.
All day I kept rereading the messages between the two and just cried because everything he was saying to her I knew was his true feelings. I know that boy more than he knows himself and I definitely knew that what he was saying to her in them messages were his true feelings which hurt me, even more, to know that what real. I know this because that's how he used to talk to me.
So the next day came faster than I expected. I woke up and just stared at myself in the mirror thinking this is really happening. I do my makeup and hair as I'm sitting on the vanity telling my self "girl you need to look really cute and stunt on this boy and little girl. She ain't got nothing on you, now boss up and you're going to go in that school like you are the happiest you've ever been because you are strong and beautiful.
As I'm driving to school I light a blunt because I was just too stressed. My self-motivating speech took a little bit of stress off me but not as much as I needed off of me. I had a class with him first period that day so I needed all the assistance I could get.
When I entered the building the bell had rung already and everyone was going to class but Tanya was waiting for me in the lobby. She walking me to class and she asks me if I'm going to be okay and I told her I'll be fine. I arrive at my class, I sit in my assigned seat and start talking to Desiree. I can see him sitting down from the corner of my eye and I didn't get mad or anything until he tried to talk to me so I said to him " STOP TALKING TO ME, I DON'T WANNA TALK TO YOU WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND."
The rest of the class he didn't say anything to me but I could feel him staring at me to rest of the time we were in that class.
The bell rang to dismiss class. I'm walking behind Desiree out the room to go to my next class and all I feel is him grab me and pull me to the side hallway and my anger just went to up to 75% from there.
"Move I'm going to class I don't want to talk to you," I said calmly.
"No Lay, I'm so sorry for real I don't know what to do I'm losing my mind," he says as his voices started to crack.
"I don't care, move out my way," with anger in my tone while shoving him.
He grabs me and I push him off me and I see Keyonna passed his head.
"KEYONNA COME GET YA BRO FOR REAL."
She rushes over and tells him chill. I just walked away to go to my next class and I just broke down. I just start telling myself this is just too much, this isn't the time or place for him to do s*** like that either. So I just sat there and cried.
After that I'm not saying the days got easier but they sure weren't as hard as that day because the day after that I had first class with her and I couldn't even walk in because I was scared I wasn't going to be able to control my anger and I was just going to grab her by her hair drag her about her chair and stomp her face in. But I didn't I controlled myself.