I could feel the cold wet tears sliding down my cold rosy cheeks. My body slightly shaking but warm as the sun danced between the trees, making its way onto my face making the tears sparkle as the rays dried them up. I glance over at Heather. She’s a mess. I wonder to myself if I should consol her but think against it. The longer i stand there the more i think about the last conversation i had with her, my heart drops as she walks up to the open casgate. A loud sob eskapes her slightly open lips. I rush to her side and wrap her in a tight embrace. She slowly sinks to the ground, as she’s too weak with grief to hold herself up much longer. We sit there for a little then I help her to a chair. As the funeral comes to an end heather is starting to look better. Everyone gets up from there chairs and make there way to pay their respects to mom and dad. I slowly get up to stand beside them. People hug me crying saying how sorry they am and that he was to young and had so much more life to live. My mind's in a haze all I can think about is his last words to me.
My eyes are puffy and red the next morning, dried tears still cling to my face. I slowly climb out of bed, rubbing my eyes. I walk into the bathroom, wash my face and brush my teeth. I start to get ready for my day as if a week ago my brother hadn’t died. I brush my hair out, do some light makeup and go downstairs to make some breakfast. As I walk down the stairs I can hear the light muffled sobs of my mom Nacey. I walk into the kitchen, start making my avocado toast then walk to the couch and turn the tv on. I look up at the screen and see Max’s face in ultra HD. As I’m staring at his huge face mom walks into the room and falls onto the ground crying, I run over to her and wrap her in a hug. Later that day, I’m still wrapped up on the couch watching random tv shows half paying attention. Suddenly there's a knock at the door, I slowly get off the couch and walk over to the window to see who it is. I open the door and feel two strong arms suddenly wrap around me, in that moment all the emotions I had been holding in the last week come rushing out. I look up at the person whos embrace I didn’t know know would save me. He gently looks down and smiles.
“How are you emily?” is all I hear.
I look up at him and don’t know how to answer. Do I say I’m okay? Do I be honest and say I’m falling apart?
I simply say “that’s a hard question to answer, I guess I’m doing okay.”
His facial expression shifts into a sad empathetic smile. I nod knowing I did the best I could and that would have to suffice. I’m slowly getting tired as we stand there, seeing as I haven't left the couch today.
“Hey liam do you mind if we go upstairs I’m feeling really tired?” I say.
“No of course not.” he says with a tint of sadness in his voice. As we walk past moms room I open the door to make sure she’s still doing okay from when I put her in there earlier. As I step into the room with Liam following closely behind me, I notice two things. First one is mom isn’t in the position i left her, she's laying in bed gripping a picture of Matt in one hand and in the other is a bottle of vodka. As I’m taking both of them out of her hands she begins to wake up and sees Liam standing next to me. She briskly climbs out of bed and wraps her arms around his neck giving him the tightest hug. In that moment even at her weakest, she was the strongest person I’d ever met.  As the days pass the fog fades and the days start to feel slightly normal again. Some days are still harder than others, my heart still has a weight on it. I started school again last week. The stairs and whispers stills get to me. All the sad smiles I get in the halls are the worst part. I’m starting to realize being broken and sad isn’t the end of the world. Pain helps you grow even if it originated from one of the worst experiences of your life.