Afraid.

“Hey George!” My brother,Jacob, called out to me. “Yeah?”I yelled back. “Come on! We’re going to be late!” He said, irritation clear in his voice.I swear this boy will be the death of me. You see my brother is like my best friend, we are attached to the hip. We do almost everything together, we hike, we go to the beach like...every other day, OH! And we always cook together, It’s like our favorite thing to do. We tell each other everything...well..almost everything. You see I’m pretty gay and the only person who knows and that is my dog, Muffin.

I would love to tell everyone but I’m afraid of their reactions and just thinking about it gives me anxiety. I honestly don’t think it would be a good idea. I mean I’ve never heard any of my family say anything homophobic. But I don’t know I’m just scared. I was so lost in my thoughts when all of a sudden I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I jumped. “What’s up with you?” Jacob said. “W-What do you mean?” I answered stuttering out my answer. “You’ve been acting weird all day,” Jacob said,worried,”I just wanted to check up with you. Is it your depression again? Oh George don’t worry we’ll get through this. It’s going to be ok-” He was rambling at this point so I decided to cut him off, “JACOB!” I screamed, “There’s nothing wrong and NO it’s not my depression, you really need to control your rambling.” I said kind of irritated. The car ride to school was silent.

When we got to school, I got out quickly trying to avoid any type of conversation with Jacob knowing it would be awkward. Some people stared at me as if they hadn’t ever seen my brother and I argue. Which is weird because we argue almost every other day. I see my friends and so I walk towards them. They all greet me by screaming my name and tackling me into a hug. It sucks because my friends also don’t know I’m gay and that I’m totally, utterly, completely in love with one of my best friends, Luke, Luke was the most adorable thing on earth. He had brown hair and gray/blue eyes that could make anyone fall for him.And on the other hand I had dark brown hair and blue eyes. I looked white but I’m latino. Actually all of my friends,except Luke, were Latino. As my friends were talking I couldn’t help but stare at Luke. I inspected him more. His gold lip ring was not so noticable and his tattoos were standing out on his skin.The bell rang and I said bye to everyone except Luke who had class with me. “Can I talk to you?” Luke said randomly. I nodded,”Sure if you want after class we can go to the ca-” I was cut off. “No I need to talk to you now’’ Luke said putting an emphasis on the word ‘now’. “Oh, um, sure”I said not sure of what to say. We headed into the janitor’s closet. “Okay, look, I need to talk to you because I know your secret,”Luke said. Anxiety built up inside me. How in the heck did he know? I played it off as if I didn’t know what he was talking about. “What are you talking about?” I said calmly. “I know your gay,” He sighed,” And look don’t worry because I am too.” I was confused and anxious. First off, was I that obvious? And second off, aaahhhh! He was gay too! Maybe we might actually have a chance! I was shocked and clearly it was evident in my face because he started laughing at me. “W-W-What? How do you know? How did you find out? Was it that obvious? What in the heck? I am so confused! How did you know this information? Why didn’t you tell ever tel-” I was cut off by a pair of lips on mine. It was a sweet short kiss. He pulled back. “I have my ways of knowing things.” He said very quickly. “Now let’s get to class we don’t want to be late.”

The rest of the day was great. Luke and I were going to go on a date. I was acting like such a school girl. It was now after school and I couldn’t be more excited to tell all my friends. Luke convinced me to somehow tell my friends. Gina, My best girlfriend, was suspecting something was going on between Luke and I, I can tell. “Hey guys let’s go to my place I need to talk to you guys.” I said excitedly. Everyone nodded and agreed. Gina and Luke walked by my side and all of the others walked ahead. ‘’ Hmm so what are we going to talk about G?” Gina said as we were walking. Her big brown eyes looked at me teasingly. ‘She knew’ I thought.

When we got ot my house, I opened the door and my brother was there. “Let’s go upstairs guys” I said. Jacob looked at me and sadness was clearly evident in his eyes. “Hey JJ!” everyone greeted him as we went up stairs. Everyone took a seat in my room. “ Guys I need to talk to you…” I said kind of scared. “What’s up G?” “Yeah what did you need to talk to us about?” “Yeah what’s the matter?’’ Was all I heard. “Here goes nothing I guess,” I mumbled,”I-I-I’m gay?”. I’m serious when I say everyone and I mean EVERYONE was laughing at me.”W-Why are you guys laughing? I’m serious!” I said. My face was red I could feel it. “Well, I mean, DUH!” Gina said as if it was so obvious. I was confused. What in the world was I supposed to say to that? “What do you mean duh?” I said, I was so confused. Everyone bursted out again. “We know. You made it so obvious.” Gina said in between giggles. Jacob, all of a sudden, came bursting into the room. “What happened? You guys sounded like a bunch of dying chewbacca's…”He said with seriousness in his tone. “G just said the most obvious thing.”Gina said with giggles in between...again. “Oh yeah? What’d he say?”Jacob said, curiosity  basically dragged in his voice. Anxiety built up. I felt so bad for telling everyone except my family. My heart was beating so fast. “He said-”Gina didn’t finish. Why? Oh, because I jumped on her. “Get off of me!!”Gina said with irritation and confusion. “NEVER!!”I yelled. “HEY! HEY! HEY! Get off her bro, she’s trying to tell me something!” Jacob yelled. Gosh there was a lot of yelling today. “Fine!” I said stomping on the ground like a little kid. Luke got up and went next to me and whispered, “You have to tell your brother at one point.Might as well kill two birds with one stone.” “JJ we need to talk.” I said. Luke was right, I have to tell him.

As we went into the other room I felt him glaring into the back of my head. He was mad and I knew it. Everytime he was mad, he wouldn’t walk next to me, But instead would walk behind me. “Okay, why are you mad at me?” I said. “Because you’re not telling me anything and you've been acting weird the whole day...I’m just worried about you” His eyes turned from anger to softness. “Look what I’m about to tell you isn’t the easiest thing to take in but I need to tell you.” I said looking at everything else but him. “What is it?” He said still looking at me. “I-I-I’m gay” I said softly yet loud enough for him to hear. I kid you not the boy laughed...HE LAUGHED!! Again I was so confused at this.Why was everyone laughing at me today? Wasn’t this a serious thing? “Why is everyone laughing at me today?” I stomped on the ground, irritated.”Because little bro, Everyone knew...well not everyone, maybe not our parents”

At the end of the conversation, we both agreed that I would tell my parents. “You need to tell mom and dad.” He said. During the time we talked, we had both started crying. Our small eyes were red and puffy. I didn’t like crying in front of people so this was hard on me. “C’mon child lets go with the others” He said smiling at me. I smiled and nodded. We went into the other room where we found everyone, except Gina, asleep. “You guy were taking too long so they decided to take a nap,” She said quietly. We weren’t gone for that long were we? I looked at the clock we were gone for about an hour and a half. Dang. I was feeling tired and hungry so I made everyone wake up and leave, except Gina, and I said bye to everyone and thanked them for understanding. “Bye G!” Luke said hugging me and giving me a kiss on the cheek and in that moment, I was as happy as a little kid on Christmas Day!

As soon as I closed the door, my brother smiled at me and wiggled his eyebrows. “What?”I asked him. He just laughed and walked away. To say I was tired was an understandment. I went upstairs and got into bed  straight away, immediately feeling the comfort of my sheets on my skin and soon enough it all turned dark.

I woke up the next morning to absolute silence. I looked at the time and it read ‘6:45 AM’. “I’m up way too early,” I mumbled,”What am I doing up anyway?”. I tried falling asleep again. I stirred and stirred and stirred. But nothing happened. “I might as well get up,” I said quietly. No one was awake so I took the opportunity to go and shower. After I showered, I got ready like I normally would. I headed downstairs to eat breakfast. I got everything done and I was now in my room listening to music and listening to everyone move around and get ready. “Hey George!” Jacob yelled. “Yeah?” I yelled back. ‘’ It’s time to go!” He yelled back. And with that I grabbed my backpack and my shoes and ran downstairs.”Finally you took 20 years!” he said dramatically. “Let’s go loser” I said laughing. We got in the car and soon enough we were hitting the road. “So..you and Luke?” He said wiggling his eyebrows. He was doing that a lot lately. I just laughed at his question. “You’re not going to tell me? C’mon I’m your big brother, you gotta tell me.” He said. I laughed again and just stayed quiet. ‘’Pleaseeeeee” Jacob said dragging out the ‘e’. “Fine!”I sighed out,” But only because you’re my brother and because you’re annoying!”. I proceeded on telling him everything that happened yesterday. And by the time we got to school, He was laughing at me. Why is everyone laughing at me so much? I shrugged it off. “Oh be quiet!” I said, irritated. He stopped laughing and just giggled. “C’mon lover boy we have to get to class.” He said. I sighed. This was going to be a long day.

It was now after school and I was riding home with Luke and Jacob. Nothing interesting had happened throughout the day. Literally nothing except the fact that my brother and Luke kept pestering me to tell my parents today. I just told them I would. And I guess they took it seriously because we were now in a car driving to my house to tell my parents.I was anxious. Very anxious. So I guess this is why they came with me. Once we got home I saw my parents’ car. Now I was even more anxious. I didn’t have the heart to come out. I felt if I did, I would end up breaking their hearts.
We came inside. Both of them were holding my hands tightly so I wouldn’t run away. “Hey mom and dad! How’s your day? Good? Great. Um, I have something to tell you.” I said with a shaky voice. “Okay? go ahead mijo dilo(Okay? Go ahead son, say it)” Dad said. “Si mijo, Tell us”My mom’s sweet voice rung in my ears. “Tienen que sentarse.(You have to sit down)” I said. “ Okay” They both said. We went into the living room and sat down. Luke and Jacob sat down on both sides of me. “Okay hijo,que tenias que decir-(Okay son, what did you need to sa-).”My dad was cut off by my voice. “Soy gay(I’m gay)” I breathed out. I let out another breath I didn’t know I was holding in.”Mijo eso ya lo sabiamos ( son we already knew that)” My mom said. I wa shocked. How did everyone know? They stood up so I stood up as well. “Estamos muy orgullosos de ti (We’re very proud of you).”They said. My mom was in tears and so was my dad. Soon enough I was in tears as well. They hugged me. Tight, might I say. Jacob came into the hug as well. I laughed because Luke looked so lost. I brought him into the hug. He kissed my cheek. “ Son! When were you going to tell us you had a boyfriend?” My dad said excitedly. “He’s not my-” I was cut off by Luke’s voice. “ Sorry sir, We were going to tell you but with him coming out and with everything happening we didn’t even think of telling you both.” Luke finished. I stared at him in awe. What the heck? Are we dating now? What? I just smiled and nodded. If this was his way of asking me to be his boyfriend, I totally agreed.