In a land far, far away, is the Kingdom of Fairy Tales. It’s a wonderful place of gently rolling hills, plush flowery fields, and rays of sunshine bathing thick forests as if the clouds were coating them in liquid gold; you know, the place where all our favorite Fairy Tale characters live. Looking at a map of the Kingdom, you will spot many of the homes of the more popular Fairy Tale characters. These are the spots on the map that really catch your eyes. Sleeping Beauty’s castle and Jack’s beanstalk are two of the most popular landmarks in the Kingdom. You would need to lean in a bit more to see some of our less popular friends like the Princess and her pea’s mansion and the Seven Dwarfs’ house near the mines.

But believe it or not, most of these Fairy Tale characters led fairly normal lives. They had abandoned the old ways many years ago and now tried to lead lives just like ours. They still had the occasional rescue to perform, princess to kiss awake, or witch to close in the oven, but they all tried to leave that sort of stuff out of their lives and pay their taxes on time.

But our story begins in a troubled neighborhood, where some fairy tales didn’t quite continue “happily ever after”.



On a sunny Sunday morning in Prince Charming’s mansion, Cinderella is found in her room going through her closet. As she grabs each of her dresses, she tosses them over her shoulder, making a great heap of silk on the floor.

“Which dress is fit for Friday’s Ball? Which one, which one…” she mutters to herself as she searches. She comes across a light blue one, the first one her Fairy Godmother had ever given her. She rushes to her dressing room and begins to change. As she pulls the dress over her head, the fabric gives way with a defining “Rip!”
Cinderella stands still, half dresses, in total shock.

“No!” she wails running across the room. As she hurls open the door of her room to call her maid, the heel of one of her famous glass slippers shatters under her weight. She falls to the floor with a bruise earning “Thud!” “Where is that blasted Swine Squad when you need it?” she complains in agony, thrashing around on the floor and picking up her iphone to text her maid.


Meanwhile, deep in the forest, Snow White anxiously awaits her prince outside the Dwarfs’ cottage. She had come to visit the Dwarfs and do her monthly cleaning, and was now waiting for her husband to bring her home. This once very romantic relationship had been a little shaky lately because of the Prince’s horse. The horse had gotten rather old and frail, and Snow White had told her prince to get rid of him. But the prince said that he simply refused to let his best friend go. This statement made Snow White immensely angry. She stated that SHE was supposed to be his best friend as his wife. Their wedding vows had said so too! Thus Snow White was crossing her fingers hoping he had brought the Prius to get her and not the horse. But as she gazed out at the edge of the forest, she saw her prince clomping (or more like stumbling) down the path on his faithful (and hallucinating) horse.

“Why did you bring him here? I told you he will never be able to carry both of us!” Snow White cries furiously, “The old times are gone, and breaking his back and our will NOT BRING THEM BACK! If only there was someone who could talk some sense into you and help this poor maiden in distress!”



At the same time, deep in the woods, Aladdin is found aimlessly and blinding navigating his way through the woods. He stops to climb over a fallen tree, stumbles, and falls.

“Curse you little girl!” he shouts to the sky, “My GPS was on that thing!” Near by, there is a rustle of leaves and Little Red Ridding Hood flies by on Aladdin’s magic carpet.

“You can’t catch me, I’m little Red!” She taunts Aladdin as she zooms past.

“Come back here! Oh is there ANYTHING I can to live happily ever after, WITHOUT HER?!!!” Aladdin cries stumbling in the direction of Little Red Ridding Hood’s maniac cackle.



Back at Cinderella’s Suite, there is a knock on the door and in steps one of the Three Little Pigs.

“Hello! I am Sausage, a representative from the Swine Squad here to solve any of your magical problems or issues, more over, I am at your service ma’am!” says Sausage bowing low.


“Thank the hair on your chinny-chin-chin you’re here! I have a disastrous problem that needs your attention immediately!” says Cinderella ushering Sausage in. “It is horrible, unfixable, unexplainable…”

“You gained weight?” Sausage asks quizzically.

“How did you know?” Cinderella asks looking down at her hips.

“I AM a professional, ma’am. Now, let’s get started shall we? Do you happen to have any exercise cloths, or sweat pants?” Sausage asks looking through the papers on his clipboard. “We have some calories to burn!”



At the Dwarf’s mines, Snow White is discussing her matter with another one of the Swine Squad’s members, Bacon.

“… And so he will simply not let that stupid horse go!” concludes Snow White.

“There is a simple solution to your worries fair lady.” says Bacon examining his papers on the situation.

“And this would be…?” Asks Snow White as she studying her nails

“Rollerblades!” Bacon replies.



In a palace in a splendid city, Aladdin sits in his garden with Pork Chop at his side.

“I need my carpet back ASAP because I’m going to a big dinner over at Peter Pan’s and that carpet is my reputation!” says Aladdin pacing, “If I show up without my carpet my social importance with go down! Yes I have my lamp, but how am I supposed to compete with Jack’s magic beans, beanstalk, and giant, Sleeping Beauty’s fairy godmothers (which are now here maids), and that stupid Ugly Duckling celebrity’s looks when I’ve got nothing?!!!”

“Well,” says Pork Chop, “Our Company has dealt with many of Red’s thefts. She has an eye for anything expensive, sparkly, or special to anyone, and once she has her eye on something, it’s as good as gone. However, I think have a way to get her out of the air. You see, other than being a thief, she is also a deal maker, and I may have just the deal for her!”


“Sweet mother of it fried beans it Burns, IT BURNS!!!” Cinderella is found actively training in a private gym near her mansion. Sausage is next to her leading the exercises. Cinderella is sweating like a dog, and hardly looks like a princess at all.

“Keep going princess and that dress with fit in no time!” shouts Sausage over the rumbling of the exercising music, “Plus your shoes won’t keep shattering when you walk! Now, only three more sets of these sit-ups and we can move on to my weight lifting course!”

Cinderella groans in exhaustion.


At the mines, Snow White and Bacon are found applying rollerblades to the old horse’s hooves. Then they attach him to a sturdy metal chain, and attach him to Snow White’s Mercedes.

“Now your prince can ride his horse, you can ride in your car, the old steed can ride as fast as he used to (sort of), and everyone is happy!” Bacon says whipping his hands on a handkerchief

“Oh it’s perfect! Now I can finally live happily ever after!” cries Snow White happily.

“Mmmhhhmm, that’ll be $29.99 please!” interjects Bacon.


In the deepest depths of the woods, Little Red Ridding Hood is found hanging up-side down by the branches of a very large oak tree, the carpet entwined at her feet.

“That stupid GPS told me to go down and that’s what I did!” cries Little Red thrashing around in the tree. The branch snaps as she kicks the tree violently and she falls to the ground with a “Thud”. Just then there is a sound of footsteps, and Pork Chop and Aladdin appear next to Little Red.

“You will NEVER catch me! So you can forget about getting back your carpet!” Little Red Ridding Hood screams flying to a safe distance away from the two of them.

“Why Little Red, we are just here to do a little bargaining, if you're interested,”says Pork Chop holding up a big blue bag. Little Red Ridding Hood's eyes widen.

“Bargaining?!” she asks curiously flying forward, eyes wide, “What's in the bag?”

Pork Chop opens the bag and pulls out a brand new, gleaming ipad. Little Red Ridding Hood's eyes widen even further if possible. She Reaches forward to grab it, but Pork Chop pulls back.

“Ah,ah,ah!” he says, “You need to keep you side of the bargain too, the carpet please!”

Little Red sighs heavily and lands softly on the ground. She shoots Aladdin a nasty look, jumps off the carpet, and runs off into the woods with the ipad looking for WiFi connection.

“Yes!” cries Aladdin jumping onto his carpet, “Now I'm off to NeverLand!”

“You still need to finish your side of our Bargain! The bill, sir, if you will!” Pork Chop says handing Aladdin a folded piece of paper.


That evening, Cinderella is found screaming in frustration, “Get in here Sausage! You'll pay for this! Literally!”

Sausage enters the room and finds Cinderella in a hurricane of fabric. “You helped me lose weight, but now none of dresses fit! I, once again have nothing to wear to the ball!!!!”

“Look on the bright side,” says Sausage backing out of the room, “ You now have the perfect princess body!”
Cinderella launches a shoe at him still screaming, “Go get me another dress immediately!”

“Oh, and that'll be...” begins Sausage pocking his head back into the room.

“And you can forget the bill!” cries Cinderella launching a pearl hair brush at the door.
Maybe some stories just aren't meant to end Happily Ever After (Or at least Fully)!!! :)