Congratulations. If you are reading this, it most likely means that you have retained your ability to think properly and rationally and do not yet crave human flesh. Good for you. God knows you’re a minority at this point.

Anyway, welcome to the resistance! To keep you from dying and coming back, you’re going to want to make sure a few things are in check before you head out to join the rest of the survivors.

First off; this is not a glamour shot. Lose the dangling jewelry. Small chains and bracelets are fine. Long hair should be chopped off into bobs and pixies, or kept up and out of possible reach. Clothes should be comfortable enough to move around easily, but not inhibiting. Jeans, cargo pants, and slacks are good choices. Remember: If you can’t possibly get your teeth through it, most likely zoms can’t either. Ladies, a comfortable bra is going to be your friend. You’re gonna want stuff that’s tough to grab at and hold onto easily. Shoes should have sufficient soles on them, like running shoes and hiking boots. Be careful of rubbing, and choose footwear you can trek for long periods in – so no stilettos.

If you really want to keep something (sentimental value, it cost an arm and a leg and you can’t yet part with it, ect.), you can store it in your handy dandy backpack. Mucho importante. They hold s*** so you don’t have to. Preferably one with two shoulder straps that are functional (even if you don’t use them constantly). Some bags have a cross strap, and these are acceptable in some cases, but if you’re not sure you can sprint with it, drop it. You’re going to want something that can get pretty beat up without breaking. This is where you can store items such as canned food and medical supplies.

Also in your bag, you can hide ammo. Usually you can find firearms at sporting or hunting stores or departments, weaponry shops, and police stations. Keep your friends close and shoot your enemies in the face. Bullets tend to be a bit heavy in larger amounts, so use discretion when stocking. Also keep in mind the clip size, or how much lead and metal you can pump into something before you need a refill, and how much effort or time it takes to do so.

No guns, or no idea how to use them? No problem! No shoes, no shirt, no Styrofoam. You want something that you can hold onto that wont snap in half after two swings. You’re gonna wanna hightail your ass to the nearest Garden Department, Home Depot, Sears, or, if you’re in the mood to get creative, Tractor Supply (locations may vary). All four of these places are going to give you lawn equipment, and some power tools. In most of these, you can also find chainsaws; don’t even touch these. Again, it’s not a glamour shot. Don’t try to look badass. Unless you have some serious experience using these bad boys and some know how on maintenance and cleaning, leave them alone. They’re also not that easy to swing around if you actually get one that will have enough power behind it to go through bone, and you’re more likely to slice yourself up than make it out of a horde. Also in all of these locations, you can find things like wrenches and crowbars, which fall under the classification of heavy blunt object. They’re usually pretty easy to grip onto (grease monkey, remember) and will have some alright weight to them. You can find them in large sizes, so you don’t have to be too ungodly close to your target. In a few of these locations, you can obtain a hatchet or axe – for simplicity’s sake, the main difference between the two will be size. Axes will have more weight behind them and might be harder to swing. Like the chainsaws, you have a possibility of just harming yourself, even if the chances are greatly smaller. Sledgehammers carry the same rule. Other non-firing objects such as baseball bats, pipes, cattle prods, swords, hockey sticks, oars, police batons, umbrellas, and like objects are fair game.

Food is a requirement here. To get maximum survival and calories for minimum weight and space, there are a few different things you’re going to want to break into the Pricechopper and college dorms for. One, go for dried foods. Word to the wise; many of these will be salty. Beef jerky, dried fruits, astronaut ice cream, and even nondairy creamer. Bread products and carbs can be thrown in here, but only to an extent. Crackers, cereals, and chips are still edible and won’t hurt you if they’re a bit stale and broken up. On the go and snack foods like granola bars and fruit snacks like never go bad. Chocolate chip Quaker bars will literally keep for years, even if the chocolate will have oxidized and they have trouble staying together.

Alright, you know what you need and where to get it, but Walmart’s closed on account of apocalypse. Luckily, with some bolt cutters and wits, this can be remedied. Some stores, which are very similar in structure to warehouses, won’t have many windows. A lot of supercenters or large grocery stores will not. This means that you’ll need to get in through one of the front doors, or around back. There will be loading docks,

Now that you’re done shopping, you’re ready to hightail it out before something jumps out from behind the counter and grabs you. Modes of transportation can vary, depending on their accessibility and condition. Cars, for example, can both be a blessing and a curse. They offer decent protection when inside, and can get you pretty far pretty fast. On the downside, they can be useless if crashed into enough stuff, gas tank being empty, or the battery is dead. Also, if you’re hotwiring one off the streets, beware of any zombies inhabiting the vehicle. For optimal results, try either your own or a friend’s vehicle, or a garage or dealership. Here, all of the keys for the lot are kept in one box somewhere in the back, and the cars have at least some gas in them for test drives. Be careful in repair garages, as not all of these vehicles will work; some are in for a broken headlight, and some are there for a new battery. Most of these rules will also apply to off road vehicles and golf carts. Gas stations, if they still have power, will most likely still have their pumps working and are also places to stock up (granted that anything is left) but should be approached with the same rules as other stores. Bikes, on the other hand, require no battery or oil change, and just run on leg work. There are also professional racing bikes that weigh just about nothing, and are super easy to carry. Bicycles can also go places most other vehicles won’t or can’t. Downside; they offer little to no shield from enemies, and can only work if you can.