This isn’t real. I tell myself. Or is it? I’m drowning, one wrong move from going under for good. I take my last breath as I sink beneath the icy waves. I kick and flail, trying to resurface, but I do nothing but sink more quickly. I wait for my lungs to fill with water, but they never do. I’m breathing, I think, I don’t know how but I’m breathing. All around me is nothing but darkness, except for the ocean floor. Of course… I’m dreaming. I have to wake up. But how? All of sudden, I hear the laughs of children playing. I look down and see two kids running around on the sand bed, a boy and a girl. The girl has silky blonde hair and blue eyes. That’s me. A younger me, but still me. I think of the person I once was, fun and outgoing. Now I’m neither of those things.
I hear coughs and gags from below. I look down to see the kids choking. No, I have to help them. I try to swim down, kicking and kicking, but it doesn’t work. Slowly, the kids disappear into nothing, popping like a bubble. I must be losing my mind. I need to get out of here. I kick and flail, trying to resurface but I do nothing but sink more quickly.
Fur… That’s what I feel brushing lightly against my left arm. I look to the side and see Fluffy, my teddy bear from when I was a child. Tears threatened to flow as memories flooded my mind. I slept with him every night until I lost him. I grab him and hold him tight, stroking the satin of his bow and not wanting to let him go. The tears escaped as I watched Fluffy slowly disappear. I’ve had enough of this. I kick and flail, trying to resurface, but I do nothing but sink more quickly.
I close my eyes, trying to think myself out of here but it doesn’t work. When I open my eyes, they fill with green, or rather, I’m surrounded by green. Dollar bills start to float around me and I think about the one memory that I’ve kept hidden for years. I stole money from the register of the local convenience store on a dare by my “friends”. The money brushed up against my skin and I had nowhere to hide.  I watched as they slowly began to transform into white daisies. Innocence… that was the day I lost mine. I can’t do this anymore. I kick and flail, trying to resurface, but I do nothing but sink more quickly.
Please, let me out, I don’t want to be here and anymore. I think about the kids and the bear. I want to have fun again. I want something to hold on to again. I want to be happy again. I will try to be again. I kick my legs with all my strength as I fight for the surface. This time, it works. Ever so slowly I make my way up with an effort to change, to be more of myself. I look down as a float towards the sky, and I see the children. They’re waving and smiling at me and I can’t help but smile back. This is going to be the new me. It feels as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I can breathe with ease again. Finally, when I break through the water, I wake up.