I clicked two buttons to my left and heard the pneumatic hiss as the c***pit closed.  Flip a switch to my right and my view from the window expanded as I was hoisted up into the body of the beast.  Eight steel legs settled in the sand around me and I sat back in my chair with a wad of bubblegum.  The beast's tail unfurled over my head and pointed dangerously at the man-shaped machine on the other side of the arena.

"Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcome to the one-hundred and fifteenth annual Blackstar Contest!  To my left, the challenger, in the orange scorpion beast-mech known as Sting, Cyric Black!  And, to my right, the nine time defending champion, in his Crimson Knight, Arcko Grand, leader of the Thunderstrikers!"  The announcer had a smooth voice that I almost didn't want to drown out with another pop of my gum.  Every sentence was followed by a cacophony of cheers from the crowd, except for the loud boos following my name.  They don't seem to like challengers.

"Challenger, are you ready?"  My face popped up on the Jumbotron over the center of the fighting pit when he addressed me.  I blew another c***y bubble, ran my hand through my hair, and smirked.

"I ain't got much of a choice now, do I?"  More booes.  Oh well, everyone loves a good heel.

"It doesn't appear you do."  The Jumbotron changed to the defender with his stupid blond hair and his stupid perfect teeth.  "Champion, are you ready?"

"I'm always ready for a friendly fight."  I hate babyface good guys.

"That's the attitude, champ."  Pause for the cheers.  Chants of his name.  So dull.  "Now, gentlemen, clean fight.  You fight until the enemy mech is destroyed.  No deaths.  You got it?"

The jumbotron split our faces next to each other to nod our acknowledgments and let the announcer yell one final "Now fight!" into the microphone.

I finally got tension back in my controls and pushed Sting forward, hearing all of the heavy legs smash into the desert floor.  The Crimson Knight was walking much faster, almost flying in comparison.  It took him less than six seconds to get halfway across the arena, which put him right in my crosshairs.

The red button next to my thumb started the whirring of the motor and gave him just a second of warning before a bright beam of light shot from Sting's tail dead into the ruby in the Knight's chest.  It staggered for half a second before its shield got in the way.  The radio next to my head chirped and his stupid charismatic voice came through and violated my ears.

"Nice laser!  I haven't seen a laser in so long, man.  This is gonna be great!"  I tried to aim it higher towards the red eyes and heard interference over the radio.  "Woah, man, be careful.  My c***pit is up here, we're just supposed to have fun."

"I'm sorry, what was that?  I didn't quite hear that."  Click, transmission over.

The Knight flicked out its sword and sliced at Sting, and it sunk three meters deep into the left claw.  The tail laser clicked off to cool and the buzzing came back, annoying Arcko wanting to talk again.  I flicked a random switch on my chrome console and a rocket shot right into the damaged ruby, finding the hole like it was magnetic.  Then I flicked on the radio.

"Dude, what the hell?!  This is a friendly match, we're not supposed to-"

"Nah, it's a title match."  I cut him off with a pop of my bubble to see how angry he could get.  He grunted and slashed the sword at Sting again, getting through the heavy armor just enough to turn on an alert.  "And you cut claws off in title matches, not have wet noodle slaps."

"You think this is funny?  You could have kil-"

Boom, second rocket to the Crimson Knight's neck.  The entire rig looked crippled after that.

"I'm sorry, what was that last one?  You're kinda breaking up.  You'd almost think you're losing."  Happy men get really really angry.  He stabbed the sharp bottom edge of his shield directly into where he knew my c***pit was.  The knockaround hit my headset off and busted open a pipe.  Steam poured around my ankles and made the gunmetal flightsuit I wore almost unbearable.  "Now you're getting it, pretty boy."

The laser on my tail flicked on again, a direct hit point-blank to the Knight's face and his escape pod fired, shooting him towards the open summer sky and the twin yellow suns with no view except the booing audience and the final two seconds of my victory before my pod fired too.

"Ladies and gentlemen..."  I barely heard the announcer's voice from my headset, but I could hear that he paused with complete shock.  "We have an upset victory by the challenger!"

The air outside the pod became heavy with a resounding "BOO" from all corners of the arena.  Looking out the windows, everyone looked ready to riot in the streets about it.  Nobody loves the challenger.

"The new champion is..."

I turn on my radio, slip my cassette into the player, and let Shoop play me out on my victory.