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Seasons in San Francisco
(At rise: ROGER is onstage with a
thoughtful expression on his face.
GENEVIEVE enters.)
GENEVIEVE
Hey.
ROGER
Hey.
GENEVIEVE
Watch’a thinking ’bout?
ROGER
I’m just trying to remember what those things are.
GENEVIEVE
What things?
ROGER
(snapping his fingers)
You know, those things. There’s four of them. In the year, I mean. They’re each three months long…
GENEVIEVE
Oh, oh, I know what you're talking about. Those things…I think they’re called seasons!
ROGER
Yeah, that’s it! Seasons. And there’s four different names, right?
GENEVIEVE
Yeah. There’s…
ROGER
There’s autumn, umm… winter…fall—
GENEVIEVE
No no no, fall’s the same as autumn!
ROGER
Oh! Well, then, there’s autumn, or fall I guess, winter…summer—
GENEVIEVE
I think spring comes first.
ROGER
Oh right! Fall, winter, spring, summer! There, we got it!
GENEVIEVE
Yeah!
(They celebrate, high-five-ing
each other and pumping their fists
in the air. AUGGIE enters, sipping
a coffee.)
AUGGIE
Hey, guys, watch’a talking ’bout?
ROGER and GENEVIEVE
Seasons.
AUGGIE
Oh.
ROGER
You know, fall, winter, spring, and summer!
(he crosses his arms, sure AUGGIE
will be impressed by his
knowledge)
AUGGIE
I know.
GENEVIEVE
And fall is…September, October, November! Then winter’s December, January, February, and spring’s March, April, May, and summer’s June, July, August!
(also crosses her arms)
AUGGIE
I know.
ROGER
And summer’s the coldest and winter’s the warmest!
AUGGIE
(he nearly chokes on his coffee,
then snorts and speaks
sarcastically)
Yeah, summer’s the coldest and winter’s the warmest. ’Cause, you know, screw logic. We’re in San Francisco.
(They all freeze, then GENEVIEVE
steps forward.)
GENEVIEVE
Are there actually seasons in San Francisco?
ROGER
(stepping forward)
Or is it just a fantasy?
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It was summer, I think, and my brother and I were joking about how cold it was, and how the seasons in San Francisco were pretty much switched. Cold in the summer, and hot in the winter. We talked about how it would be funny to write a skit in which one or more characters didn't really know what seasons were, since they lived in a place like San Francisco, where the seasons are practically nonexistant. As soon as we got home, I wrote the first draft of "Seasons in San Francisco".