“Stop!” I yelled a little too loudly. I realized I had messed up when my fiance immediately got up and started to walk out of the kitchen, throwing her plate on the counter as she left. “Wait babe I’m sorry,” I said, forcibly frowning and widening my eyes.

“I told you to stop yelling at me.” She said with tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “Especially over something so small, I was just trying to hold your hand. Is that too much to ask? I should be allowed to hold the hand of the person I love!” She exclaimed angrily. I could tell that she regretted her choice of words as she lowered her tone and calmed her demeanor. “It's just well...” She paused for a moment looking down at her socks and fiddling with the string of her nightgown. “You're gone all day and then when you finally do come home you act like you don't even want to be around me anymore.” She was right, I couldn't stand to be around her, it's not that I didn't love her. In fact, I loved her so dearly that ,well, I guess we will get to that later. 

“Of course, I want to be around you!” I sighed as I lifted myself from my chair, took two steps towards her, and wrapped her arms around my neck. “All I want to do is be around you,” I said quietly as she looked into my eyes with the same look that melted my heart every time. I remember the first time she ever gave me that look, we were out on our second or third date, I can't remember. Anyways she spilled her ice cream all over my jacket. I could feel myself getting hot and red and angry the same way I have known too many times. When she just looked up at me with those big green eyes and said “ I'm sorry.” I realized: how could I get so angry with such a gorgeous soul? She was so trusting and so loving, yet so naive at the same time.

“I love you, you know that right?” She said, still looking up at me.

“Of course, I know that, how could you not?” I said pridefully. She hit my arm playfully and then pushed her face into my chest. I pulled her in tightly and put my head over her shoulder. To be honest, now that I'm telling you this story I can almost laugh to myself, she honestly had no clue. 

“I’m leaving!” I yelled out, hearing it echo throughout the apartment.

“Have a good day, I love you.” She yelled back, sleepily. I told her I loved her too and I was on my way. She believed I was on my way to work, which technically wasn't a lie but it was 4:30 in the morning. She was so trusting. I work in a law firm. My day starts at 9:30 A.M. I pulled my coat around my neck as I boarded the subway. I found a seat quickly as it was so early and no one was on the train yet.

“Is anyone sitting here?” 

“Excuse me?” I responded as I looked up to see the gorgeous woman standing in front of me. “Oh, no, sit, please.” I said, scooting over and gesturing to the seat next to me. 

“Where are you heading?” She said with a smile.

“Work.” 

“This early?”

“My boss is super tough. Well where are you off to?” 

“Just getting off of work.” She said while turning her attention to the large tote bag she was carrying. 

“I like your bag,” I said, pointing to her muted yellow bag with trendy patches and pins covering every square inch. I actually hated that bag; I hate the color yellow.

“Thanks, I like your jacket.” She said, looking me up and down. This is it, I thought to myself. I have finally found one… well one for this morning. 

“I'm a little early, want to grab a cup of coffee?” I said locking my eyes with hers so she couldn't see me discreetly take off my engagement ring and slip it into my front pocket. 

“Sure, I know this great place, when is your stop?” I had just started to respond when I heard a small ding and knew it was my stop. I quickly sprang to my feet. 

“Here it is actually,” I said, reaching my hand out to grab hers. She placed her hand in mine with a smile and we exited the train hand in hand. “So where is this super amazing, great coffee place?” I said, giving her hand a slight wave. 

“It's just up ahead.” She said, pointing ahead with her other hand. We pushed our way through women, men, children, and occasionally a few pigeons and finally made it to the small coffee shop. Living in New York had its perks, but it surely also did have a few downfalls. 

“My lady,” I said, waving my hands in front of her. She smiled and walked in, I walked behind her. I know we had coffee and went back to her apartment, but I seem to have blanked out because the next thing I remembered was that look of fear in her eyes. 

“What are you doing?” She whispered fearfully. Her calm tone quickly shifted to a fearful one as I pulled out my knife. It was my favorite knife, with a six-inch blade and a handle of pure gold it sure was a beauty. It belonged to my grandfather and he was a rich man. “Let's just talk about this, please.” She pleaded as she stepped backward and I took small slow steps towards her. I could see her hand reaching for the phone behind her, she thought she was so slick. “No!” she whimpered as I ran towards her holding my knife to her throat and pinning her against the wall. 

“Thanks for the coffee,” I whispered as I kissed her cheek and watched my knife slide across her throat. It was a scene I had grown all too familiar with. She fell to the ground and instead of feeling a release I just felt worse. I thought if I killed another this feeling would go away. I needed it to go away. She was just a surrogate, for the woman I knew I had to kill but could

never bring myself to. Or so I thought. “Whew!” I sighed as I finished cleaning up the place. Do you know how hard it is to get blood stains out of the carpet? Nearly impossible, that's right. I usually lay a tarp down first to avoid the hassle of cleaning up, but this kill was a spur-of-the-moment type of thing. As I was walking out something obnoxiously yellow caught my eye. It was her tote bag, the one she showed me this morning on the subway. My curiosity got the best of me and I knelt on the floor and started to empty its contents. At first, it was just boring things, one or two chapsticks, a planner, three pens, and a small address book. I opened the planner and threw it on the ground in front of me when I read the first task she planned for that day. In pretty pink ink was written in big letters 

“Don't forget to call her about the baby.” Underneath was a phone number. IT WAS MY FIANCE’S. My mind started racing one-hundred miles a minute. Why does she need to call her? What baby? How does she know this random girl? I start to pace back and forth in this small apartment, now keep in mind I had just killed this girl and her body was just sitting there. She wouldn't answer my questions and she couldn't give me any clarity now. As I sat on her small tabletop it just clicked in my mind. My fiance and I were currently looking to adopt a baby. We wanted it to be a closed anonymous adoption, so we had never met the mother or heard from her. Well, at least that's what my fiance told me. I ran to this random women's bathroom who I had just met and killed in a matter of a few hours. I looked under her sink and, yup, just what I feared three positive pregnancy tests were right front and center. Still trying to convince myself this was just a huge coincidence, I bolted to her nightstand, and whoop-de-doo there was all of the paperwork from our adoption agency with all of our names plastered right on the front. I ran outside and was feeling extremely dizzy. I could feel myself getting lightheaded and knew I had to get as far away from this apartment complex as possible before I blacked out. I must have run at least a good 9 

blocks away because when I woke up I was surrounded by my family and friends in a hospital room about thirty minutes away. 

“You're awake!” My fiance screamed joyfully. 

“Shhh,” I whispered, my head was pounding and the lights above me were blinding. Just as I looked up at her everything returned to my head. The killing, the baby, the ugly yellow bag. I quickly sat up and tried to fight my way out of this small ill-smelling room. 

“Woah, Woah, Woah sit down!” The nurse yelled as she grabbed both of my shoulders and pushed me back onto the bed. I calmed myself down as I saw her preparing a needle. 

“I'm so... I’m so sorry,” I said, faking a frown and confused look. “Where am I, honey?” I said looking up at my fiance who was now in tears, again, because of my little outburst. She tried to respond, but just walked out covering her mouth with her hand. As she was walking out something caught my eye on the chair in the bag with all of my belongings. It was that ugly tote ass bag that I could never seem to get rid of. “When can I leave?” I said looking up at the nurse. 

“Soon sweetheart,” she said, looking down at me with small brown eyes. How could I have grabbed the bag? I don't remember grabbing her bag. 

"Are you alright?” my fiance said, handing me a cup of tea. We were home? I don't remember going home or how I got here. 

“Yeah I'm okay, just a little shaken up,” I said, scanning the room with my eyes to see if I could spot that bag. “There it is!” I yelled out loud even though I didn't mean to.

“There what is?” she yelled back looking over to the table. “Ohh this?” she said lifting herself from the couch and walking over to it.

“No babe I can get it, sit down,” I said pleadingly

“I’ll get it, I need something from the kitchen anyway,'' she smiled.

“SIT DOWN!” I yelled at her. She jumped at the sound of my voice. 

“What's so special about this bag that you don't want me to see, huh?” She barked, still walking towards the kitchen. I could feel my heart sink as she lifted the bag from the table upside down and its contents spilled all over the floor. “WHOSE BAG IS THIS?” She yelled, obviously thinking I was cheating on her, which again wasn't technically a lie. 

“NO ONE’S!” I yelled back. That didn't help the situation much. I could see her starting to look through the items on the floor, I jumped up from the couch and ran towards her. “Put it down,” I yelled through my teeth as I saw her pick up the black planner that I had been trying to hide from view with my foot.

  “No!” she yelled back as she ran towards our bedroom. I ran after her chasing her into our master bathroom. 

I grabbed her arm and jerked her back towards me “I said put it down!”

“Let me go now!” She yelled trying to release her arm from my grasp. I could feel myself starting to squeeze her arm tighter, tighter, and tigh… “You're hurting me, please stop.” I was interrupted midthought to see tears streaming down from her eyes and onto my arm. I was so taken aback by her screams I lost my grip, but just for a second. Just as I was about to tighten again she pulled herself free and ran into the hall bathroom locking the door behind her. 

“Open the door,” I said, trying to sound as calm as possible. “Sweetie, I'm sorry just open the door and we can talk about this. I could hear her rummaging around in the cupboards of the bathroom but I had no idea what she was doing. Until I heard the slight sound of her taking the phone off of the hook. “Open this door now!” I yelled, completely losing my fake calmness and bursting into a rage. I pounded on the door as hard as I could. It was no use. Just as I was about to lose my temper completely I heard the phone she had in the bathroom start to ring. 

“Hello?” I could hear her whisper behind the thin wooden door. I quickly ran to grab our other house phone to see if somehow I could hear the conversation. By some miracle, the phone was connected and I could hear every word. 

“Hello, is this Ms. Gomez?” said a man on the phone 

“Yes, who is this?” She choked out between sniffles 

“Are you okay ma'am?” He said concerned

“Yes, my fiance and I just got into a fight,” she said while composing herself. “How can I help you?”

“Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. Well my name is Steven and I work here at Alliance for Children.” My heart just dropped out of my stomach. I could feel my heart pounding and the room started to spin. 

“Oh, yes hello, how can I help you?” she responded happily

“Well, I regret to inform you that the mother of your adoptive child was just found murdered in her apartment earlier this morning.” I guess that was it. I had to kill her now, she knew. Now, my friends, this is the part of the story I hate telling. I loved this woman with all of my heart and it saddens me deeply to kill her. She was my one true love, the light of my entire world. She was going to be the mother of my children, the wife I always knew she could be. I guess information is the devil. I heard her open the planner, and read exactly what I read and her heart dropped just as far as mine did. She screamed loud enough to scare the birds outside. She was starting to dial 911 when I broke the door down and well, you know that rest. Anyways, it's seven years later and I’m about to become a parent again. Hopefully, my new wife minds her business.