At 12:51, your whole world comes screeching to a stop as the gunshots down the hall grow louder. You sit there, curled up in the corner as classmates text their parents and hold back their cries. The substitute teacher flips through the emergency plan, not realizing that nothing can prepare her for this moment. Your body shakes, and with every shot, your eyes grow farther and farther shut. Then suddenly a wave of bullets shatter the front window, and the screams from the hallway become louder. You feel as if you’re in a dream you can’t escape. 

*      *      *

This morning, you sit at the kitchen counter stuffing cereal into your mouth and organizing through the notecards you prepared last night. The pain in your stomach tightens, and your gut feels like it's about to explode. You run into the bathroom and hurl last night's dinner into the toilet. 

“Evan, what are you doing?” your dad asks from the kitchen, as he turns on the coffee maker, “You’re gonna be late.” 

“I know, but I don’t feel good.” You reply as you step out of the bathroom wiping your mouth. You hesitate knowing that your “academic dad”, the Cornell Law graduate, wouldn’t let you miss school if you were missing a leg. But you man up and ask, “Can I just skip today?” You stare at him in hopes he understands, but he doesn't.

“No,” he replys, with no consideration. 

“Come on, I just puked and I haven’t felt good all night.” 

You know that he's already made up his mind. He leaves the kitchen and heads toward the living room. You follow and continue, “Since I am sick, shouldn't I stay home and rest so that I can be back to 100% faster?” 

“Should have thought about that before you went to that party last night. If you want valedictorian that bad you would have considered this,” he says as he flips through the TV in search of the news. He stops on a channel and just like that you lose his attention. You run up to your room and throw on a clean pair of clothes. On your way out you attempt to ask one last time but you are greeted with silence. You roll your eyes and leave without saying anything else. 

As you drive, the rain pelts your windshield and the thunder outside matches the groans of your stomach. You can barely see but manage your way to the student parking lot. Usually you are here early. So the crowded, yet very empty parking lot is unknown to you. You go throughout your day in pain. After 4th hour, you stop at your locker and rummage through it as Liv leans up against you. You smile and kiss her on the forehead. 

“Thought you weren't gonna show?” She says in her usual happy voice. 

You pull out your notebook and stack it on the objects already in your arms. “Me neither,” you joke, “My stomach is killing me, and well, you know my dad.” She laughs, and you both head towards the science room. 

You take a seat in your usual spot next to her and immediately notice the absence of Ms. McCarthy. This is odd because usually she is the first teacher to arrive at the school and doesn't leave until the lights in the hallway are turned off for the night. Before you have more time to process it, the room goes silent as Principal Jakings walks in with an older woman behind him. He walks her to the desk and hands her what you assume are the lesson plans. Jakings leaves the room and the sub is crowded with the continued conversations and talking of the students. You can tell this is her first time subbing just by the expression on her face. You and Liv exchange glances and both walk over to her. She is surprised by the visit, but as you converse with her and explain things better she begins to relax. Finally, she builds up the nerve to stand in front of the classroom. “Good morning,” she whispers but is blocked out by the constant chatter of the students.

“Guys, she's talking,” you finally say out loud and the class grows quiet. 

“Suck up!” someone shouts from the back of the room and laughter rises from the desks. 

“Thank you,” the sub says smiling at you, and continues, “Good morning! I will be your sub today. My name is Mrs. Schultz and I am hoping for a smooth day in science.” She chuckles to herself and shuffles through some papers on the desk. “It looks like your teacher wants me to hand out a body orientation worksheet.” 

She walks around setting them on each desk. Her dark pink dress standing out among the usual sweatshirts and sweatpants of the students. She reaches your desk and pauses. “Thank you,” she states again and hands you and Liv the worksheet. 

In only five minutes, the rest of the class has given up on working and continued their conversations. You and Liv finish the worksheet and you take out the notecards for the next class. While running through them in your head, you fail to notice Liv leaving for the bathroom. You are just about finished when the life-changing noise blares through the school. You look up towards the door and Mrs. Schultz pauses. This is followed by the sound of two more gunshots and distant screams. By now, you know what is happening and you fall into a panic. You still haven’t realized that Liv is nowhere to be seen, so you jump out of your seat and slam the door shut. Mrs Schultz fumbles through her desk and pulls out a bright red binder reading the words “EMERGENCY SCENARIOS”, she flips through it rapidly just in time for the principal to speak over the PA system. He announces that the school is on lockdown and that this is not a drill. This was real. The other students have already made their way to the back of the room. By the time you get over there, your stomach is no longer groaning but instead the pounding of your heart has taken its place. You crouch down next to a crying girl and wonder who could possibly do this. Phones start going off with concerned texts from parents thinking that this wasn’t reality. It couldn’t be. 

Your dad follows the pattern and texts, “What is happening?”

 You reply, "I’m not sure, but I love you.” 

He doesn’t respond but suddenly more shots fill the air and the window of the door shatters spreading glass shreds like marbles on the linoleum tile. Your classmates scream and Mrs. Schultz ducks below her desk. The girl next to you grabs your arm and when you look, you finally realize that she isn’t Liv. You look around frantically and notice that she isn’t in the room. Your heart tightens and fear builds up in your body. You crawl over to the teacher's desk and ask where Liv went. When you hear that she went to the bathroom, all you can imagine is that she was the victim in the hallway. The one that like the glass, had been torn apart. Then suddenly you do the only rational thing you can think of. You stand up and race towards the door. The transparent shards scratching under your shoes. You hear the screams and shouts behind you but you don't process them. You barely even understand what you are doing. You open the door and look out. The hallway is empty other than the lifeless bodies coated in emerald red. The same color as the lockers that line the walls. You run towards the nearest bathroom and as you turn the corner, you freeze. A million scenarios rushed through your head but never this one. You stand there silently, afraid to spook him. Liv stands there as well. But it’s different, there's a gun to her head. You can't tell who's holding it there because all you can see is their back but you can see Liv. Her face froze and her hands up in the air as if being detained by the police. You don't know what to do. So you do the only thing logical. Or so you thought. You walk slowly so as not to make noise and circle the man standing in front of Liv. Finally, you can tell who it is. And you are stunned. Standing there with the gun is Justin. Who not only is your friend but Liv’s ex. You can tell he is angry and his face rages. 

You go to speak but he stops you, “Shut up!” He shakes the gun in your direction and every muscle in your body tightens.

By now, Liv has started crying and moved out of view. You step toward Justin and continue, “Don’t do this. Don’t hurt her because of me.” 

Liv and Justin had been dating at the beginning of the school year and one night after a Varsity basketball game, you found yourself alone with Liv. You always had a crush on her but the timing had never worked out. You reached in and kissed her right there. You weren't sure if she was expecting it but she didn’t pull away. In fact, she pulled you closer wrapping her arms around your neck as if she was on the urge of fainting.

 Justin didn’t know about this until last week. That missing piece of information was somehow enough fuel to embark on this entire situation. You continue talking, the gun pointing at you like an accusing finger, “Just put the gun down.”

 By now the police have filed in behind Justin without him knowing. They have their guns drawn but somehow rely on you to handle this. Justin begins to cry and slowly, the gun lowers. The officer closest moves in silently and throws Justin to the ground. Though still crying the fear has now made its way to Justin. He struggles with the officers, but they manage to detain him, dragging him out of the school like an animal. Maybe that’s what he was, an animal. You turn and embrace Liv, her head resting on your shoulder. She is crying harder now and students have started flooding out of the classrooms. Their faces stained with tears. You and Liv follow a detective out of the school where a mob of emergency vehicles, the press, and distressed parents gather behind a police blockade. Students hug their parents afraid to let go. 

“Evan!” Your father yells from somewhere in the crowd. 

He runs towards you jumping the blockade and wrapping you in his arms. He starts to apologize but you aren't sure what for. Then it clicks. He’s sorry for not letting you stay home. He blames himself for something no one had control of. No one, but Justin. You reassure him that it’s not his fault. That if you weren't here you would have had no way of protecting Liv. You turn to look at her and she’s not there. By now she has found her parents and a detective consoles them. You can tell the exact moment her parents learn how close their daughter was to the ones that were still inside. The ones that couldn’t run out of the school. The ones that had their lives stripped of them. 

*      *      *

Two months later  you find yourself at the witness stand of the largest case the county of Coleman has ever seen. Sitting directly across from  you is Justin. But you don’t recognize him. The face you remember has now been switched with that of a monster. It doesn't take long for the Jury to find Justin guilty on eight counts of 1st-degree murder, two counts of attempted murder, and the felony charge, possession of a handgun. There is sudden feeling of relief in you, but you wonder. How can you feel good when a student, a friend, will spend the rest of their life behind bars. But you dont question yourself long. All it takes is a short flashback to that day and all remorse for Justin is swept away. As you step out of the courthouse you feel the sun hit your face for the first time in months. Your dad walks up and puts his arm around your shoulder. 

“You did the right thing,” he reassures moving down the steps. 

But he wasn't talking about your testimony like most would think. He was talking about stepping in between Justin and Liv.  And he was right. You did do the right thing. You couldn’t handle losing another person you loved. Your mother was plenty.