I’'ve known Kenny for 30 years of my life and I never thought we would end up here. In a hole in the wall town, Warren Idaho, next to the Nez Perce-Clearwater national forests. You could practically taste the stench of the outhouses. We originally grew up in the Hamptons, my father was a big shot lawyer and my mother was obsessed with the arts. After I was born she spent all of six months with me and as soon as those six months ended she promptly hired a nanny and went back to work at the Art Gallery in Downtown New York. I hadn’t seen my parents regularly if even at all for the next 12 years, Maria raised me, taught me how to talk, walk, ride a bike, and everything else a parent should teach a child. The Summer after I had turned twelve she had died suddenly of unknown causes. After that I mostly stayed with my best friend, Kenneth Pritchard. Kenny actually grew up with parents, I remember going over to his Estate and having movie night with his entire family, and in the morning running out to the beach with them. The Pritchards were more like my family than my biological parents were. That all changed when Cassie Clark moved into town when we were 16. She’s still the most beautiful girl that I’ve ever seen, emerald green eyes, dark brown hair that made you lose every thought in your head when she tried to shake it out of her face. We were the trio of three, Cassie, Kenny, and me that is until Kenny asked her out on a date. That’s when I realized that the life of me, Percy Kane, would always be filled with nogoods, no good luck, no good childhood, and absolutely no good friends.

It was noon in November so the weather had just started to get a little cold, we were walking beside Bemis Creek about a mile away from town if you could even call it that. Warren, ID was so small Kenny and I argued that it shouldn’t even be labeled as a town, sure it had a post office but that was about it. We came here about three years ago on accident, although it was more like fate. Cassie lived here, before the Clarks came into inheritance they didn’t realize they had. As it turned out Cassie’s Great Grandpa had a bank account no one even knew about, he had been obsessed with the stock market but no one actually thought he made money off of it. As soon as he died Cassie and her parents inherited millions then bought a house packed up and moved to the Hamptons. She showed up to Bayview High School in the middle of Sophomore year and instantly clicked with Kenny and I. From the moment I saw her walking through the whitewash hallway I knew she was the only person I would ever love but I wouldn’t do anything about it. A little less than a year later Kenneth Pritchard betrayed all my trust and went out with her.
After that a large disconnect grew between Kenny and I as his infatuation for Cassie grew. Since my parents were still wrapped up in their work I began to become solitary often with my nose in a book in the west wing of the house. This continued for years, Kenny and Cassie out on the beach falling in love and me alone in my house reading one of the many books I had already read. When we all turned 20 Kenny proposed to Cassie and they got married 3 months later. A large crack woke me from my trace of the memories that occurred years ago.
“Ouch! God Dang now there’s a cut, Percy help me bandage this would ya?” Kenny yelped in pain.
“Calm down it was only a tree branch don’t be such a baby Pritchard” I scoffed.
“You’re not the one who makes this trek every week because YOU say it’s too far! I think you’re the baby Kane” Kenny yelled back and then grew quiet.
It was true Kenny made this trek every week, the two miles into the woods with nothing but flowers in his hand. I never came along because I could barely stand the sight of him in town and alone in the woods would just make me lose control and I never had the confidence in myself to keep it. I had that much pent up rage toward him after all he did steal away the girl of my dreams. This time was different though because it was the 10th anniversary of the incident. So many people I loved had died that day it was almost as if my soul had left me as well. Cassie was there that day looking through the books on my shelves. We were to attend my Mother’s art auction later that night. All I can remember was the smell of fire and a high pitched scream.
“P. we’re almost there Bud.” Kenny said almost in a whisper as if not to set me off.
Bud. Bud is a name I hadn’t heard in 10 years and the last person who said it to me was her, the love of my life, my Cassie. I could feel the hatred for Kenny flush my cheeks, and my hands form into fists as we walked into the open field. Kenny as calm as ever set the bouquet of Aster and Calla Lilies next to the head stone and sat down. I had been here all of once the day of the burial only a month after the incident. I never looked back. Everything grew silent for a moment almost as if it was the last moment of peace I’d ever know.
“I loved her Percy more than anything in the world. It’s not fair she was taken from me after only two years of marriage.” he said breaking the perfect silence. “We were going to move out of the Hamptons that year, being there didn’t make either of us happy. We were going to move to Montana maybe own a ranch.” he sighed and layed back on the grass.
“How do you remember that day Ken?” I asked with a bit of venom in my tone.
“I remember Cassie leaving the house early because she wanted to check on you before the auction. You always had the hardest time with those things; you thought your Mother loved her art more than she loved you.” he scoffed
“she did.” I growled but he wasn’t aware of my abrupt voice.
“I was supposed to pick you both up from your house but I was running late because I forgot my keys. As I drove down the road traffic was stopped about 30 cars back and I couldn’t figure out why then finally I got up close enough to see flashing lights and smoke.” Kenny paused for a minute to take a breath. “I jumped out of the car and ran toward the house but by then it was too late.” he said his voice trembling. “the fire was almost out and I saw her roll by in a bodybag.” his words were barely comprehensible. “Percy?” he asked as he gazed upon her headstone.
“What is it?” I answered trying to be calm. I didn’t understand why this story got to me so much.
“She loved you, she never wanted you to forget that.” Kenny said with what seemed like the last strength he could muster.
She loved me, I knew that but Kenneth Pritchard telling me that broke my last nerve and without any control in my body I stood up and screamed “You did this to her! You killed her! you may have fooled everyone else but Kenneth I’ve known you since we were two I grew up with you we’re practically brothers and you kill the woman I love out of spite.” I shouted out not knowing the reasons for my harsh words.
“It wasn’t me who set my home on fire Percy I did not hurt the people I love and I had nothing to be spiteful for! Think about it. Everyone warned me not to tell you the truth! and that you were unstable but guess what it’s been 10 years and I don’t give a d*** anymore.” He yelled back and stood to his feet. “Your entire childhood is a lie! it’s mind trick. Your parents were never home because you never wanted to be around them and if you were you would try to hurt them, and Maria? she was a therapist” his entire body seized with anger “You started that fire Percy Kane. and after all your loved ones were dead including my wife nobody wanted to take you. Especially not me but it’s what Cassie would’ve done! that’s the only reason you aren’t in a psych ward at this very moment! and I’ve been waiting for this for years because I always wanted to see what would happen if I told your little unstable self the truth.” he sat down again as if there was nothing left to live for and nothing left to fight for or against.
At that very moment it all came flooding back to me. That morning I was sitting in the west wing of the house reading as I had done everyday since I was 17 and Cassie Clark the most beautiful girl in existence walks in and sits in front of me. Of all the beauty that she possessed there was only one thing I looked at while sitting in front of her, the giant diamond on her left hand ring finger. As she sat and talked to me for what must’ve been an hour everything suddenly went black. As I came out of the blackout the scene before me was horrific, books strewn across the floor, shelves knocked down, and poor little petite Cassie unconscious on the floor. She looked so utterly peaceful I almost didn’t want to doing anything about it, just leave her there but then I realized I didn’t want anyone to find her. Of course we couldn’t have anyone find out what we’d done, and since we can’t have her due to the terrible thing she’s married to maybe he shouldn’t have her either. And we set fire to the terrible home we were raised in that day and let all the bad memories burn away.
“Why didn’t you let us rot away in a cell?” I sneered with my upper lip curling.
“My entire life was taken away regardless, you took away my life. She found good in you though and I had hope that maybe there was a way to bring that back. Although I gave up on that theory 5 years ago. The reason I stuck around was to see the monster that killed my wife. Mission Accomplished.” Kenny gave a weak half smile.
…
Another blackout, they used to be such an innocent thing but by now they’ve become detrimental. When I was young I hadn’t even noticed them they were just a brief second of forgetting what the teacher said but as I grew they would start to grow longer and more violent. I once punched someone in the cafeteria in junior year for nothing more than a glance. Of course I don’t remember acting physically at all. This blackout was the worst one I’d ever had my best friend of 30 years lying dead on his wife's grave with blood everywhere. In fact I wasn’t completely certain of the cause of death, by the looks of it it might’ve been a tree branch. At least they were lying next to each other they always wanted that. Although it still angered me because I should be the one lying next to my Cassie not him. Regardless I picked myself off the ground and walked slowly into the Nez Perce-Clearwater national forest. No one would find Kenny for a long time and me? I would never be found. It was at that moment I realized all the nogoods in my life were me, I was the damaged goods.