For as long as I can remember I've been feared. Maybe it was my face, my white eyes that could see no light or maybe the voices only I could hear. The fear grew stronger to the point where I was sent away to an asylum. A place filled with others like me, others who heard voices inside their head. People who were unaccepted and feared. They fed me pills that were supposed to, as the said "keep the demons away," it never worked.
The voices grew stronger, telling me things, evil things. They helped me, led me through the constant darkness seen by my eyes. Whispering in the middle of the night, escape...leave...don't let us die. I could always ignore the voices but then they slowly seemed to gain control over my body and thoughts, control over who I was. One night I couldn't stand the voices anymore, I couldn't stand the images they would show me, my loved ones being killed by me, escaping the asylum and expressing my hidden wrath. My rage continued to grow, it started to take hold of me. The demons were pulling my hands, I didn't want to hurt them but the demons, the demons did.
After my escape from the asylum i've been on the run. Running from the people trying to protect me from myself. Away from the people making me feel unworthy, like a monster. I could recall bits and pieces of the night I escaped. I remember the screams, the sinister laughing, all I could see was blackness but I knew I was hurting the people that cared about me. The voices controlled me, told me the correct way, guided me, I trusted them. They were my only form of guidance for I could see nothing. They were my only friends.
After weeks of searching I came to a mountain that was abandoned by the sound of it. I found a shack in the middle of the woods by the guidance of the voices, big enough only for one. It was quiet, calm, quaint but that suddenly changed when they came.
A group of teenagers, barging through the woods. The second I heard them the voices and I knew, they were a threat to us. I followed them closely listening, the voices whispered to me what they knew. Two girls and two boys...couples...I squinted my eyes trying to get a closer look but it was no help, I still only saw darkness. The two girls were thin with long blonde hair that reached down to their bottom according to the voices. Twins, the voices whispered in unison, easy to attack, my mind wandered to the memories of the asylum. The boys were bringing in the luggage according to the voices, they led me behind a bush and told me of the scenery. Muscles, big muscles, difficult to defeat. The voices treated this as a game, as if it was our job to dispose of the enemy and save the day. I heard the door slam shut and I knew they were all in the house.
They are going to ruin us, said one voice to the other, ruin our plans. I normally would remain silent out of fear of what the voices could do to me. "What plans?" I asked the voices. Their murmuring stopped completely and they began to yell different things. I could only make out a few words, Kill....hard work....RUINED. I held my head, the voices were pounding in my brain, screaming at each other. They were pulling my arms in different directions, my body felt like it was ripping in half. I ran from where I thought we came only to be stopped. The voices were hoarse, back to the shack...we must dispose of the threat. They guided me through the forest and back to the tiny shack.
Once we were safe, they told me to reach out my hand and grab the utensil before it. I hesitated, do not fret, this object isn't harmful just a mere precaution, I nodded at the reassuring comment. I heard a muffled giggle coming from one voice. I grabbed the object not knowing what I was holding or what our plan was.
I trusted the voices, they helped me see what I normally overlooked, they taught me how to see the world even though I could physically not. They guided me back to the cabin where the couples were staying. They told me to enter from the back and cut the power. The light verses the dark made no difference to me, I couldn't see either. Pull the wire, the voice yelled at me, I pulled it quickly and I heard screaming coming from inside the cabin. One of the girls are coming, said the voice maniacally. The door next to me opened and I heard a girl yell "Hello?" The voices muffled laughs sent shivers up my spine. They whispered to me exactly when to grab her arm. As I approached her she screamed at the sight of my dark figure, the voices yelled at me, NOW! NOW! I winced at their loud tones, they pulled my hand and lunged the object towards her. The screaming stopped. I smiled softly, thinking she wasn't afraid of me. Then I felt liquid coming from her body, blood. She grew heavy and fell out of my arms towards the ground.
The voices laughed, I tried to scream but they covered my mouth and whispered, kill...kill them all. They both laughed evilly, "Why? Why are we hurting them?" I asked the voices. The laughing grew stronger, I dropped the weapon, holding my head as I collapsed on the ground. "Stop! I don't have to listen to you," I cried, the laughing grew even louder, oh but you do...you are ours now. I tried to cry but the voices wouldn't let me, three more to go...GET UP! I felt pulled up from the ground, my thoughts were being hidden, I wasn't myself anymore. I picked up the weapon when I heard someone coming towards the back door, run! I turned around and ran to hide behind what I thought was a bush. The voices laughed evilly, we can sneak up. I shook my head trying to shake the voices out. When I was younger the only way to ignore them was to "shake them out." The voices grew angry at me, that wont work anymore...we inhabit you. My breathing grew heavy, I didn't want to kill again.
The door opened in the back and my heart rate increased. Even though my eyes saw darkness I could tell it was one of the boys. The way he walked was heavy and staggered. I listened closely to the sound of his gasp, him screaming for help. The leaves cracked under his feet as he delicately knelt down to the dead one. I heard the leaves fall and the blood drip off of her body as he picked up his lifeless girlfriend from the cold ground. I heard his cries, his eyes must be watering at the sight of his recently murdered girlfriend. My heart ached for him, yet I couldn't shake the rush I got from killing the girl. I tried to shake the thought of enjoyment from my mind. My thoughts were broken by the voices whispering, the front of the house, the other girl will be there. Through the guidance of sounds and the voices I made my way to the front of the house.
I opened the door which creaked slightly but the girl was crying over the loss of her sister she didn't notice. I could hear her whimpering loud and clear, left...right...now keep going straight..quiet, I heard the voices telling me. I came to the back of the couch and the voices controlled my hand, lifting it up higher and higher. KILL, they yelled but something within me gained control. I pulled my arm down slightly, inching slowly away from the girl. What are you doing...kill her, I shook my head fighting with the voices for control. KILL HER they yelled, "NO!" I yelled back as my hand released the weapon. It fell to the floor making a loud clanging sound. I assumed the girl saw me struggling with the voices, I heard her scream and move from the couch. I heard footsteps from behind me, "James!" the girl cried. The voices were furious with my clumsiness, we are going to die...don't let us die! As much as I hated my voices, I felt I had to protect them from death, more importantly myself from death.
I ran forward, forgetting the couch in front of me. I flipped over and landed on the cushions. The footsteps were getting close, "What the?" I heard a male voice say. HURRY UP, I scrambled to gain my balance and ran towards the door. I hit the wall, in panic I felt around for the door handle. My hands hit the coat hanger and picture frames then finally reaching the door knob. I turned the knob and pushed open the door right when I heard a baseball bat hit right where my head was. I ran straight into the woods, I knew I was followed, I could hear the heavy breathing of the person I assumed to be James.
I held my hands in front of me, making it easier to dodge the tree limbs. The footsteps following mine where heavier. The voices were for once quiet, were they gone? As soon as I thought that I heard the voices telling me when to duck and where to turn, to your RIGHT...good you lost him...hide behind that tree. I did as they said and hid behind the tree, trying to slow my breath down.
The footsteps slowed down, I could hear the leaves crushing under his feet. James looked around but I was hidden well enough that he couldn't see me. "If I find you I will kill you," murmured James. The voices growled in my head, I moved around the tree feeling the trunk. As I moved I felt an object resting on the tree. The axe...normally for cutting fire wood...however...I shook my head, "no, no" I whispered to the voices. The voices tone grew serious, do you want to die? I shook my head slowly, then kill him. I grabbed the axe off the ground and positioned it in my hand. I heard the footsteps trailing around the tree. I waited for him to get closer, and swung. The axe hit James before hitting the tree and staying.
My arms fell to my side, I was breathing heavily gasping for air. I wiped my face with my sleeve, feeling sick. "This needs to stop," I said calmly, "I can't do this." The voices laughed, oh but you are...you are doing all this on your own. I sat down, holding my head in my hands. "GET OUT!" I yelled to the voices, the laughing grew louder and louder every time I yelled. You listen to us...you love us...I pulled at my hair, "GET OUT!" I hit my head on the tree trying to stop the pounding. The laughing echoed in my head, the pain increased. I punched the ground in attempts to distract myself from the pain but there was no use. No escape...no way out, I screamed but nothing came out. My words, my thoughts, they were all muffled. "Leave me alone," I whispered breathlessly. The voices laughed and pulled at my arms forcing me to move. I was breathing heavily as if I just fought off a hungry wolf. I pulled against the voices, feeling my skin tear off of my bones. I screamed out in agony, "LET ME GO!" I fell onto my knees. The voices laughed and pulled at my ankles, I began to inch closer and closer to the cabin. In the distance I heard the faint yell from the girl, "James? James!" My lips curled up to form an evil smirk, the voices were overwhelming me. I shook my head wiping the smirk off my face, you enjoy it, I heard the voices whisper. A chill ran up my spine at the sound of their evil tone. "No I don't," they chuckled softly, you love the feel of someones lifeless body in your hands, "No I don't," I repeated with more aggression. Don't lie...we are in your mind...we know you...what you truly feel. I could feel myself becoming someone I wasn't. "I don't want to be like you, you killed the people in the asylum. Leave me alone!" They yelled back at me, NO...you killed them...this is you...you fail to realize that we aren't real. "That isn't true! You're lying," we aren't real...this is your mind...you CHOSE to kill them. "NO!" I yelled, "THAT ISN'T TRUE!"  I could feel my anger growing inside, I couldn't stop what was about to happen, I couldn't stop myself. It is true...you're a monster! You're to be feared! The girl yelled again, "James?" I gathered all my strength and ran towards the voice. I ran and ran, you did this! You became this monster! I ignored the voices and sprinted towards the girls voice, you are a monster...a monster.
I ran, until I hit a wall, the padded wall of a cell. I opened my eyes and saw a completely white room. I saw a bed and uneaten food. I saw pills laying by a book on the metal nightstand. I saw a huge metal door separating me from the outside. I looked down and saw myself in blue robes and slippers. I brought my hands up to my eyes, I could see? I banged on the door in hopes to find someone, someone to tell me what was going on, there was no answer. The voices were gone, I banged on the door screaming for help. A nurse dressed in all white came to the door, "Mr. Phillips, what seems to be the problem?" I was breathing fast, I looked at her through the window, "Where am I?" She opened the door, "You are in room 301B," I looked at her confused. "The Asylum, don't you remember?" I sat down on my bed, "I don't recall anything, what...what do I have?" She picked up the pills off the table and handed them to me, on the bottle it read "Schizophrenia." But it felt so real, like I really killed those people. The nurse got up and walked out of the room, I watched her, confused. I laid back down, hoping everything would be alright. I closed my eyes, don't be afraid...we will always...be here. I sighed at the sound of the familiar voices, soothing me into a deep sleep