The disturbance in the silence made my ears twitch. The brisk fall weather turned my face scarlet as I sat there. Listening without seeing cause me to see things beyond belief. Just the slightest creak or voice causes my heart to race. Everything slows when I can’t look at things. Time is mere sense. I no longer have to play by “physics.’ I see what I want to see when I don’t look. Images become reality with one simple trick. Don’t look…see.
With this simple trick I was capable of being out in the brisk fall weather. With this simple trick I no longer felt the abuse of others. With this simple trick I became myself. As my eyes crawl open I see my oasis slowly fade away and at its last reaches my scarlet mask is put back on. My face tingled with wind burn as I picked myself up from that park bench.
Passing the ones in routine, lifeless and stolid expressions lay upon their faces. These are the ones looking… looking forward with the edges darkened. And I am joining them… joining them to fit in. Sequenced stepping, hands laid to the side with no sway. You may ask why would I wish to join them. This is for it is far to dangerous not to. Everyone fears the unknown and uncontrollable and that is where I lay. It is for that reason I walk in sequence with no sway.
Being able to see is a gift granted to the few. To look past the reality to see its true meaning is wanted by the many and abused by the few. Not only abused, but taken for granted and often used for leverage. Persuasion is often viewed as a harmful skill, but in reality the ones that can do it are truly gifted. To change a person’s perception is immaculate.
I return back to the perfect household and follow my impressions in the carpet. Never touching anyone else’s for this is breaking sequence and far to dangerous. As usual I am greeted by my Mom with her fake smile, Dad just grunts as he reads the paper, and my brother and sister watch T.V. with their feet in the air. I continue my way up the stairs lat my back pack slam against the floor and I take my seat. Behind my closed door sequence can’t be seen therefore I don’t follow it. I open up my notebook and write, not of an essay, but of words…words with meaning, words that have thought behind them. Not just memorization puked onto paper. They fear how I see things, it is unknown to them and therefore dangerous. As I conduct my sin I listen to the footsteps outside. The mental map in my head lets me know I only have a few moments before my mom comes and gets me for dinner. I finish up my few thoughts, but I’m immersed and time got away from me.
My head was down as the door slowly crept open and I fell still and numb. A tingling in the back of my neck came about and I couldn’t breath. I could see the confusion on my Mothers face without even turning around. I should have been standing at the door waiting for her message, yet I sat there numb. In a matter of moments my Mother lost control and began gesticulating widely as she reached for her phone. I stood there knowing I couldn’t have hid forever and my head hung low. I closed my door and listened to her phone call “ I… I don’t know what my son is doing, he has notes and words and thoughts that make no sense, please send someone, please hurry before he harms us.’ I sank against the back of my door sullen and waited for the sirens.
I cradled my notebook as I heard the front door being busted down. Organized footsteps rang up the stairs prepared for a calculated execution. Mentally these last few seconds seemed to be hours. I had the ability to reflect on what I was doing and would have it no other way. My door swung open and I held my notebook and pen in the air. Almost as if I pointed a loaded gun at them a hail of bullets fell upon me. I fell to the floor only conscious enough to hold onto my notebook. As my body was hauled out of the house my Dad sat there reading the paper and my brother and sister sat there with their feet in the air watching T.V.