As I walked the halls of boring office job I studied the people. Some were tall, some were short. Some looked happy, some looked sad. I had always enjoyed observing life but felt some sort of disconnection to it also. Never in one set clique or type of person. I had always been a drifter, friends always coming and going. As I thought about these wild ideas I felt a hot liquid scorch my arms and chest. "Ouch!" I yelled.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry," she said as she tried to wipe the hot coffee off my face, "I didn’t see you coming." 

"It's fine, I wasn’t really paying attention to where I was going anyways." She was beautiful, long blonde hair and deep blue eyes. I had never met a girl like this. I wanted to her my whole life story, but something stopped me from even asking for her name. 

"Well I've got to go," she said.

"Oh...yeah me too," I replied awkwardly. That night I didn’t sleep. All I could think about was her, but deep down I knew I would never have a chance with her. I shoved my emotions into the back of my mind and left them there. 

The next day I came into work and saw her again in the conference room. I started to walk over to her just to say hi and maybe get her name, but another man stepped right in front of me and started a conversation with her. That was the last straw, I knew it wasn’t meant to be. Weeks passed before I saw her again. I didn’t even bother to say hi. What was wrong with me. I saw her again a year later. This time I managed to get the courage to say hi to her. "Hey, do you remember me?" I greeted her.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" she responded.

"I'm...I'm the guy you spilled coffee on like a year ago, remember?"

"No, I don’t. I'm sorry," she was starting to get uncomfortable.

"How can you not remember me, we had a connection!" I was yelling now, people were starting to look at me, I didn’t care. 

"I think you're mistaking me for someone else," she started to walk away, I could see the look in her eyes, she was terrified.

I ran after her and grabbed her arm. She pulled pepper spray out of her bag and sprayed my eyes. My eyes felt like they melted, I couldn’t see, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t smell. All my senses felt like they shut off. When I finally got back my sight she was nowhere to be found. Yet again I had missed my chance with her. I wouldn’t give up now though. Not after I had spent so much time thinking about us. I searched for months trying to find this woman that I knew I had a connection with. I refused to believe she had forgotten me, that wasn’t possible. 

I had lost my job, my house was being foreclosed, and I had lost everyone I had cared about, but still something drove me to continue to find her. For months I searched for her, but I never found her. Something inside of me started to fall away. I felt better. I felt like I could let her go. The thought of her still sat inside of me, but I could block it now. I found a new job and got my house back. I made new friends. I had finally gotten my life back, until I met a new one.