Many modern American women identify themselves by their achievements in life. They pride themselves on being professional, politically active, and independent. Additionally, women join forces and conspire in activities that promote the sinister female domination of the community. They grapple for power through special-interest groups, voting, and lobbying for “women’s issues”. As women insist on practicing what they view as inherent rights, a code-word for their matriarchal goals, they abandon traditional gender roles. With this change in the female mindset, who will take care of the historically defined tasks of these female gender roles? Who will serve as the nurturing caregiver? Who will unwillingly forgo educational and career opportunities to marry? Who will serve as the soft, beautiful, and passive side of humanity?

It is not only common sense, but scientifically proven that women are best suited for roles in which they can carry out their nurturing drive. This is evident in that females birth children, not males. Children adore their mothers’ caring nature. In fact, they love them to the point that they refuse to leave the home for eighteen whole years. On the other hand, men do not have a nurturing bone in their body. They are designed to be tough and aggressive. They would much rather assert their dominance in a career and make money than deal with the needs of their own child. The growing trend of the stay-at-home-father is simply a facade.

Well, women, it is about time that you give the corporate world back to the men! Reclaim the traditional concept of femininity. No longer need you engage in the masculine endeavors of business and independent thought. No longer need you cheer when you receive a promotion or celebrate when you make a major deadline. Instead, do what you do best! Slave away behind the stove and change disgusting diapers. Insist that you be fired from the job that you studied or worked endlessly to obtain. Demand that you depend on your husband and his income.

What about women redefining what it means to appear feminine? Shouldn’t women also be required to adhere to the traditional image of attractive?

Recently, women have started to embrace the body-positive movement. They are learning not only to accept their bodies, but to love and be comfortable with them. This involves ridiculous notions such as maintaining a healthy weight obtained through living a balanced lifestyle. Alarmingly, this confidence is spreading like a virus amongst women. Additionally, women around the world have started dressing in a more masculine fashion. Gone are the days of ankle-length dresses and long locks of hair. Women now sport pants, t-shirts, and even pixie-cuts, essentially a glorified man’s haircut for a woman. Simone de Beauvoir took note of this phenomenon, “To lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.” Well, women, it’s time to shed this confidence in your bodies and in yourselves. Abandoning this body-positivity, toss those trousers, and turn your attention back to the mirror!

To combat this movement, women should demand that magazines only use rail-thin models. Media should bombard the average woman with images of the tall, white, and weightless feminine ideal. Such an environment would foster the desired self-hatred and sense of inferiority amongst all women.

Further, women should work to ensure that any natural aspect of their bodies be considered completely faux pas. Body hair, acne, stretch marks, belly buttons, and eyeballs should all be groomed to maintain maximum femininity. In fact, a whole industry should be devoted to making women pay to avoid appearing human in any way. I suggest calling it, “The Beauty Industry.”

The disappearance of the over-emotional female must not be forgotten either as it is essential to defining the role of the feminine gender. Modern women have no way of releasing their overwhelming feelings that change with the arrival of Aunt Flo every month. Further, they must learn a balancing act as they attempt to defy nature and tuck away their feelings. For example, they cannot lash out at their husbands when they return home from work late nor cry when they rewatch The Notebook for the hundredth time. This seemingly unemotional and strong woman terrifies the average American. It contradicts the pacifying feminine image that people feel comfortable with.

How does a man feel if a woman corrected or confronted him? More men are being forced to deal with this sort of un-feminine behavior from women everyday. Enough is enough! Put women in their place, demand that they adhere to the passivity defined by femininity.

An initiative needs to be established to ensuring that every individual, male or female, is aware of the strict gender roles outlined by society. Men are to be assertive and women are to be passive. This will ensure that any threat to masculinity will be abolished. Combative and militaristic women will no longer be permitted to attack men for their “hyper-masculine” or “pansy” behavior. According to extensive research conducted by gender specialists, stress directly contributes to the increased likelihood of having a heart attack. By having women embrace their passive nature, men will no longer suffer from the stress of having to fight the confrontational female.

Traditional femininity and gender roles are under attack, in many more areas and it is vital that women work to reverse their newly found freedoms. The modern woman, confident and independent, poses a threat to the patriarchal society. She must be stopped. One woman’s loss is a man’s gain, right?