Growing up I never really had deep conversations with my family, we never really talked about how we felt or talked about things that were bothering us we’d just brush it off or put it in the back of our minds. As I got older that really became a problem for me. I’d rely on everybody else for my happiness, and as long as they were okay I was too. But I never really knew how I felt, I never could sit in my own thoughts and just tell myself what was going on. I never knew, It was just so much built up anger. I never really had any outbursts, or mental breakdowns until around December 2020. It was quarantine and I would get up everyday to do online school, I actually enjoyed it. I know this is weird, but I’ve always had this fear of cancer and during that period of time I genuinely thought I had cancer and I don’t remember why, I was just so scared and had so much anxiety that I would get it one day and I just wouldn’t get out of bed all day. I’d lay there, not eat, I wouldn’t talk to anybody and I’d just stare at the ceiling and it started getting so bad I didn’t even enjoy school anymore. I gave up. I’d log in every morning but all I’d do is put my chromebook next to me and fall asleep on the zoom call. I was so mentally tired but I didn’t know that at the time I was draining myself. After a while of that, I got better because I pushed myself to go outside and take a walk and I’d just listen to music and really get out of my head. But there would just be these periods of times that I'd get and I'd just get so sad and I wouldn’t wanna get out of bed for days. It felt like a cycle that I couldn’t stop. During the sad times it feels like I can’t think of anything that ever has made me happy before. It feels like the same day over and over and over again. For a while I was okay, after that. But when Middle School ended I started having these Mental Breakdowns. My anger would just build up and I would feel the anger in certain places in my body which would make me angrier, And I would punch a wall, a window, a fan, a tv or I’d throw anything I could. I tried to reach out for help, tell people I needed it. I’d talk with counselors at my school. But I felt like a Burden. I felt like nobody was helping me the way I needed it. So I had to realize myself that these moods I get into are only gonna happen for that period of time. I started realizing that I needed to think before I acted on anything, Which was obviously really hard for me since people would tell me to calm down or to breathe, which I thought was corny and annoying but honestly that’s really the answer. It’s all up to you. If you are easily pushed to show a reaction, that means you’re easily manipulated. And I hated that. I hated that I was too nice to everybody and I’d just give out everything I could just to make them happy because like I said I relied on other people's happiness for my own. And that was a bad idea, but I learned from it. I’ve also had some friends pass away these past few years and that just really made me numb. The reason why I decided to do research and look into my own mental health is because I realized I can’t rely on people. I felt like I didn’t really know myself anymore. I definitely lost myself and I still to this day don’t really know who I am because I’m still struggling but I’m recognizing the problems. Which is what matters. I do research all the time because I wanna be a therapist when I’m older to help kids and adults so they don’t feel like a burden. So they know the feelings they feel are real feelings and they are valid. Just like yours.