Solid Oak: A Remembrance


Oh if I could write a book of how things have turned out, if I could tell the autumn rains, the beautiful sunsets, the crisp fall leaves, they would all weep--weep for the days that could have been, for all the love that has been lost. They would scream out in pain--scream at the world for letting such lies be told. They would whisper among themselves, the wind carrying their messages, messages of tears that would bruise your face with a single brush across your skin. Its force would cause you to wonder but never change--never--because it’s not you.

Am I so foolish? I am sixteen, but I’m not stupid. I have feelings that do not lie, feelings that call out to air, to a closed door. The door is unresponsive, unresponsive and cold, solid oak with no imperfections, no bumps, no life. I face it in fear. I gaze upon it and tremble. I feel my knees buckle, and my body gives way to the floor. This door has no beauty; the creator had no compassion in his hands as he carved such a stature.

The door stands tall as I lie at the bottom weeping, drowning in my sobs as I plead for it to open. I continue screaming, pounding my fists against the door, begging with all my might, but it remains silent. It stands motionless, without life. It overlooks my pain, forgets my smeared face, and washes away any trace of my voice. I do not dare challenge its strength and fear to touch it.

When I run my hands over it, I feel nothing, nothing but hollowness beneath my fingertips. No where can I trace the single existence of the beauty that replays in my mind. I feel no flaws, none of the remaining pureness I lie on the damp floor waiting for. I lie motionless still aching for something, anything, an utterance, a glimpse, a whisper, something that would draw me back to the life that is now forming into puddles on the floor.

Open the door, open it and let the light shine upon my soul. Allow the light to dance with my eyes and soothe my face. Let me stand and walk out of the darkness that you have locked me in. Let go of me! Let me go! Open the door, Andy, let me live.




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