NEVER HAD; ALWAYS HAVE

There are some things that people long for; everyone has something or someone they can never have. Some things you can see and grasp, but it was never meant to be. Sometimes, things you will never have is something someone will always have. One thing always leads to another... a fight can lead to a break up and a smile can lead to a friendship. Something that I've always wanted was to be able to trust and rely on one another. I've been betrayed, hurt, broken hearted, depressed, and looked down on, but there were those times that I felt happy, wanted, and praised. I've been bought many things, but is that really what I want? Nothing can buy happiness; true happiness is full of emotion and joy. Is that too much to ask for? Or is it something that I am preventing from myself? Perhaps its something I've never had; or maybe something I'll always have.

MY TRUST YOU SAY?

You say you want my trust. But what is it that you really want? If you've broken me once, I don't want it to happen again. Because of you, my trust for everyone is as fragile as a thin sheet of ice. Something that melts over time, but easily shattered. Why did you do this to me? You haven't called me for fun, only for something your heart desires. Am I being used? So, my trust you say you want. I don't trust that.

I HAVE A QUESTION

Words jump off a page the longer I look at it. Dyslexia? I want to write some more... what is this feeling of uneasyness? These words continue to jump off the page. I see that they are great, but when read, they cannot be. Why is this? I pour my heart out and sort out the pieces on this page. All these emotions are felt, and are very real. I have a question... do you feel them?

AMUSEMENT PARK

Hope is something that can get you through almost everything. Or maybe will or mental strength? Physical strength? There are so many hardships in the world but there is always hope and faith. Would it be these that would cease to exist if everything was taken from us? Or would there be a glimmer of hope that is still there? The will and mental strength of an individual can determine where they want to go- but if that is lost? The world is a roller coaster; it has its ups and downs and twists and turns, but when everyone exits, they wish they could have ridden it one more time.

WORLD TO ME

The world to me is broken without you. If you stay with me, I feel like I can finally be myself in this messed up world. You hold the last pieces of my puzzle to put my life altogether. If you are gone, what will I do? Don't ever go. I don't know if this is really love or such, but I know that without you, I'm lost in a world that I cannot understand. I wish I could always be there for you and you would always be by me. Sadly, the world does not work that way. Why is the world so cruel as to remove you from me? It is as making peanut butter out of cheese- a bad analogy yes, but it is also improper. If you are gone, who will take your place? I will always be with you... even more than the person I truely love? Do I love you more than anyone or am I confusing myself and not seeing that who I really need is really right in front of me? This world to me is confusing. There are so many issues that need to be dealt with... what is this?
Bullying,
LOVE,
Abuse,
FAMILY,
Suicide,
FRIENDS...
So many things that make this world go around. They may not all be good, but what I see is different than what you see. Is the world to me the same as the world to you?

WITHOUT THOUGHT

I may think that I am writing to you, but who is this really for? I don't put much thought into this. But this isn't without thought. I want to tell you, but would it be right if I did? What if there are regrets? What is I'm turned down? What if I'm not loved by the person I love most. It hurts, so bad. Can I deal with this? I know I always have someone here with me, but do they truely understand my pain, or are they just pretending? Is the person I love being obscured by the person I was truely meant to be with? I don't put much thought into this, but this isn't without thought. Maybe it's true. And I do know for a fact that I do love you.

FLUTTER

Butterflies are seemingly so free! They are so lucky to be so free and carefree! I wish I could be like them, but sometimes it feels that they are with me. Butterflies in my heart when I know you love meand butterflies in my stomach when I want to tell you. I have freedom either way, both ways are beautiful, just like a butterfly. However it can flutter away, maybe only to dissapate to another area. From my stomach to my heart, to my brain. I hope these feelings will never fade. Even though the butterfly will die, it lays its eggs for caterpillars to bloom into beautiful butterflies again. Thinking of you can even make me flutter. Too bad you will never know...