The Elements of Friendship | Teen Ink

The Elements of Friendship

September 28, 2013
By Anonymous

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you're falling down."

I have only two true friends in the world, people I've known for years. For their own privacy, I will not state their names. My closest friend goes to every class I do, and has gone to every one of my classes since arriving at my middle school. We're the pair at the very top. Not a single person in the school, in any grade, of the nearly 900 can boast an academic record as perfect as either of ours. We're not exactly outsiders or oddballs (we're in the "upper class" of nerds), but we're not cool, popular, or anything on that note. Even through the pressure of the most intensive classes available at our school, the push and never-ending pull of the social world, and (more for myself than my friend) the requirements needed to participate in the district's math and reading competitions combined with the vigorous studying for the regional spelling bee, all wrapped up with higher and higher expectations from ourselves, our teachers, and more specifically, the principals, we remain friends. Often, separation is a problem, since our minds are designed to work as one: mine for math and science, his for language arts and social studies, ours combined for different elements of reading and writing. Furthermore, we keep each other company; I tend to look at the brighter side of things and make plans to overthrow the horrible teachers (which are feasible, but never come to fruition) and he notes the sheer ridiculousness of our situation, with so much stress and so many seemingly unreachable goals. Through it all, we keep each other afloat, through the best, which is whenever we have no homework, and the worst, which usually has to do with the metric ton of homework we receive combined the upcoming FCAT, during April and May. I will really need this friend this year, since I will be two and a half months behind in Florida's standards, with the regular standardized math and reading exams this year, along with the science and writing exams, possibly in addition to a social studies and civics exam, all of which I need to pass with my normal exceptional grade to be able to correctly continue my education next year (yet another disadvantage of temporarily moving to Pennsylvania).

My other friend, who has been grossly ignored up to this point, is more socially involved (hint,hint), has more friends, is much more athletic than me, and, in general, is, as we "children" like to say, cooler than myself. We're friends simply because we're the only two people in our neighborhood who are both in the same grade and don't utterly loathe each other. He teaches me the not as fine aspects of life: sports, popularity, "informal" terms, and trends, among others. In this manner, I don't hold him up nearly as much as he holds me up. We might not go to every class together, and our minds definitely do not work as one, but he is the one who entices me with fun and freedom, a blatant disruption of my solitary and education-devoted lifestyle. I spend most of my free time alone (which makes for tons of writing ideas), but he shows me that a depressive and unadventurous manner of life will get me nowhere, which I have only recently realized. After a constant campaign for change, something clicked inside me (no, I'm not a robot), and my entire outlook on life changed. Instead of seeing the future as a bleak void, despite a current total of about ten years of school, I realized that because of my devotion to education and getting ahead, and because of said devotion's underlying, unwavering motivational force, I should be looking at the future in a positive light. It just took this friend to help me realize it.
"A true friend reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

Of course, I do not take this quote literally. I do want or need one of my friends to reach for my hand, and I really do not want one of said friends to murder me by touching my heart. My friends help me through all times, good and bad. As said above, the bad times are usually during the "spring" (we only have the dry and wet seasons in Florida), when I can disappear from existence by piling my homework on top of myself, and along with that homework, have to prepare for the upcoming state tests, study for the math, reading, and spelling competitions, and make sure to come out at the top in all of this, as is expected of me. Such amounts of schoolwork drive teens crazy with stress. Fortunately, when I all I see in the future are more and more tests, both literal and figurative, neither of which I am prepared for, my friends, who are not the busiest student in the district, can and do swoop in to prevent imminent heart attacks. Instead of holding my hand, they guide me through what I should do, mostly just forcing me to take a break from studying each and every page of the textbooks, substituting it with time outside or simply sleeping to give my brain time to recover. Unfortunately for my brain, I usually don't remember to take a break, ignoring my masters' orders to not study myself to death.

On another note, when my friends are not trying to keep me alive or sane, they do unexpected things. My friend of a lower social status (I'm trying to be euphemistic) has a writing talent that, although blunter than mine, tackles more important social issues such as discrimination, racism, and religion. I never happened to know he had such a talent until a couple months ago. My more athletic friend is not one to turn me away. He practically drags me into his house to have dinner with his family, occasionally (he did actually pull me by the collar once as I futilely tried to escape), and he never turns down a request to just keep me company while I bide time doing nothing. It surprised me that such a person, whom I would usually think of a someone who is shallow, cares enough and has enough of a conscience to be one of my only two true friends when anyone else would turn and run. This led me to realize that there is something hidden within each of us (when I thought it was just me). It is remarkable to find that people you thought you knew are hiding something, some talent, some underlying character you would've thought you knew about.
"A true friend knows your weaknesses, but shows your strengths."

My friends know most of my weaknesses (chocolate, steak, brainstorming, advanced grammar, verbal expression, athletics), and my strengths (I don't go near beans or pure cheese, I'm best at writing, math, science, contemplation, advancing an idea, and convincing people to do things using logic, which does not work on me). I really don't care if my friends flaunt my weaknesses for food, since I can barely gain weight, or any of the others, since I'm working on grammar and verbal expression, my athletic abilities are the least of my worries, and I better ideas others have come up with instead of coming up with them myself (innovation). Of course, everyone takes advantage of my strengths (the academic ones), mostly to get help on classwork or homework. I try to help as many as possible, knowing that no matter how much I help them, they can't steal my throne. In essence, it doesn't matter if my friends show my strengths or my weaknesses, since everyone knows them, and I can either get a good meal for once, or have more time to improve my academic skills.
"Friends are like math- they divide sorrow and multiply happiness."

Being very good at math, I know this is absolutely true, both of my closest friends and of my "other" friends- acquaintances, "frenemies", and people I've known for a couple years and whom I'm generally friendly to. We all like to multiply our happiness, since it soon turns to rage and immense stress, which then eventually turns to sorrow and self-pity as the busiest time of the year approaches. It's easy to multiply happiness. First, don't think about how much homework you'll have next week. Second, don't think about how much pressure you'll be under in a few months. Third, don't think about how many tests you'll have in six months. Your happiness has been increased thousandfold! Unfortunately, dividing sorrow is much harder, especially when it concerns something outside of school. I try not to let anything outside of school leak into school, as I see many others doing, since it hinders my education with thoughts of relief or sorrow. For that reason, I have to divide sorrow myself, without much experience, which usually ends with my friend ripping up paper into little pieces very angrily, making a huge mess, breaking pencils, stabbing planners rapidly and repeatedly, then punching a wall or two, and occasionally punching a person or two. Seeing what I would turn into if I felt sadness in school and someone tried to console me, I stay far away from it.
"Friends are kind to one another's dreams."

This is the most important quality a friend can have, especially during this sensitive and constantly changing time of our lives. Around the beginning of the second semester of seventh grade, you can't just say you want to be a lawyer or a doctor or a vet or anything general. You have to start saying "I want to be a heart surgeon." or "I want to be a defense lawyer." Then, you have to state, in detail, how you're going to get there, what classes you're going to take next year, and every year after. It also involves choosing what college you'll go to (or multiple colleges in case the previous one doesn't work out), and what specific classes you'll take there. By the middle of eighth grade, at least at my school, we're supposed to have it all figured out, meeting with our guidance counselor if we don't. During this time, you can't just figure it out all by yourself; you need friends to help you through all of it. If your friends reject every course of action you want to take, you'll never get anything done and you'll continue without a plan. With dreams like ours, such as mine of being a surgeon, my friend's of being an M.D., and my other friend's dream, which he likes to keep private, supporting each other is a definite must. None of us know what college or university we want to go to, or what classes we will take. I don't even know what classes I'll go to next year, or if I'll even be able to go to ninth grade next year, considering how behind I am and how little help the school can offer me, with my schedule. Because of this, I desperately need my friends to help me through this year, and possibly many years after.
~

My friends are invaluable and indispensable assets through school and life. Without someone to keep me from falling down, without someone to guide me through the worst parts and help me realize I'm not actually alone, without someone to show me my weaknesses so I can improve on them, without someone to increase my happiness and eradicate my sorrow, and especially without someone to help me achieve my dreams, I would never have gotten this far, and without friends with these qualities, I will never advance further.



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