When I talk, I don’t know whether I speak the truth or not. I get confused and try to find the easiest way out. I tend to talk nonsense, but I always get away with it at the time. Its like I am specialized in making up tales and making people believe me.

I feel as if the trust in myself is dying and that I’m failing myself. My belief in myself is also leaving me, now I don’t know if I’m lying or not. It just happens automatically. It has become a part of me and I’m scared it will be like this forever. When I lie to others it feels like I lie to myself as well. To be honest, when I lie I don’t feel bad or anything.

Now when I tell my parents something they won’t believe it, it feels like humanity has lost trust in me and that I can't do anything about it. When I think about it, it gives me the chills. I feel like I’m stuck in a cage that I created especially for myself. It makes me realize that I’m ruining myself from the inside and it drags me down.
The result of this is lies, sadness and anger. When I feel down I just run upstairs turn on my computer, put my headset on and leave reality. It makes me feel so good and it almost feels real as well. When I leave my games it all comes back to me and I get angry and pissed off. This trust issue ruins everyone, including my parents. I’m not the only person that is sad, but them as well. I feel as if it is all my fault and I personally try to fix it but always mess up.

I hate this from the bottom of my heart. I lie about mostly everything I can lie about; for example, I lie about my bloodsugar, how I get from school and home, what I eat and mostly everything else. I realize it causes disappointment, I am the cause of this and it breaks me down bit by bit. This is horrible and nerve wrecking, and I am the cause of it.

Now I try to resolve this issue of mine by listening to my parents, teachers and looking after myself. I go biking to school and play soccer 5 times a week. This gives me exercise and brings me away from the lies and computers. I’ve gotten pretty far. Now I try not to lie at all, but occasionally there is a lie or two. So now I have found my solution, I just do what I’m supposed to do and listen.