You’re a freshman. You’re excited for your high school years. You’re full of energy. You, my friend, are ready to succeed. Let me tell you, to have fun, that’s not what you want to do. Anyone can study, pass, and graduate. It takes some real talent to completely fail high school, and that is exactly what you want to do. Know the odds of you becoming a billionaire with hardly any education are slim to none. You can, however, have a successful life working in fast food, as a server, or in a grocery store. The best path to these astounding career choices is to completely fail high school. This is not going to be the easiest task, so I’m going to tell you exactly how to do it.

To start off, the most important skill to hone is procrastination. You may think your homework is important, but let me tell you, it’s not. You either learn it in class or you don’t understand it. Simple. You have more important things to do then spend your whole high school life buried in books. For example: when the midnight premier of Catching Fire comes out you need to be there. You don’t need to be the one kid who can’t go because you have to finish you AP history project. If you do, however, decide to do your homework, I advise you to wait until the very last possible moment to do it. That way you turn your worst work, and you are one step close to completely failing high school.

The next thing you need to remember is sleep. This is very crucial to your well-being. If you don’t sleep, you catch a cold and if you catch a cold, you’re sick. Everyone knows being sick is no way to have fun. Studies show 100% of students who are sick have zero fun. Be night owl, sleep in class and stay up all night! There is nothing these “teachers” can say that you don’t already know. Some teachers have a tendency to yell when you fall asleep in their class; just sit in the back where they can’t see you. Problem solved. Then you really won’t have a reason to do your homework; you never learned the material.

In addition, never show up on time, or early. Be late. Think of your schedule as less of a guideline than a suggestion. You probably stayed up all night and well, let’s face it; you need some time to look good. Take the whole day, people will understand! You don’t need your homework because you’re not going to do it. On your multiple personal days off go to the mall, or watch a movie. This is time well spent, because it’s time not in school. Switch it up every now and then. Come in late sometimes or don’t come to school for two days in a row, just to keep people guessing. Make a game out of it. It makes failing much more fun in the long run.

I hope you have four years are fun, and you found my “How To” helpful. I can’t wait to hear what you don’t do with your life. Between staying up all night and never going to school, you should have tons of stories to tell CEO’s and they sit down at your table or come through your check stand. Life will be hard, but hey, high school was fun. Good luck my friend, you’re sure going to need it.

Sincerely,

I’ll be in your line at McDonalds