Step Dad.

A word almost like a replacement for “father figure.”

Hole….a hole in the heart where your fathers love is supposed to be.

Lost….lost in a world where you have a new reality.

Step….a foot placement in life you’re not sure if you’re willing to take. 

Dad….a word that either means everything or nothing. 

Broken….a once happy semi put together family now broken into 2 senseless emotions.

As a teen in a world where divorce is a “normal” thing you look around to the happy mother and father families and wish you had the same. The dad laughs at your stupid jokes while the mom is trying to keep the dad from encouraging the kids' funny behavior. Seeing a family happy, don’t take this the wrong way, but seeing a happy family hurts. It’s something you crave. It’s something you need, something you wish for.

After not having a “good” father figure it’s hard to jump into something so surreal. Something you have never been used to. With always trying to keep up the “good child” standard for the mom, now having to worry about if you’re going to be good enough for him.

(Inspired by a fragment of Laurie Halse Anderson’s The Impossible Knife of Memory)