At 11:30 on a school night, you would think that most kids would be so lost in a
dream waiting to be awakened by their screaming alarm before the sun even rises for the day, but I guess we’re not most kids. At 11:30, Justin will be in his white Mustang convertible on his way to my house for the usual all night entertainment, consisting of burnt popcorn fights, movie freights, or singing Paramore songs together. At 11:30, I’m staring out the window, anxiously awaiting the ever so anticipated arrival of my best friend. Fifteen minutes always seemed like an eternity when I’d be waiting for him. If you listen closely, at 11:42, you could always hear his car going over the first part of the hills, which meant he’d be there in about 30 seconds. He’d pull up with the biggest smile ever and run towards my house. I opened the door quickly to see those adorable baby blue eyes giving me the look that says, “The party has begun”.

Without saying a word, we would run to my room, lock the door, and pull out the acoustic guitar. He says,” This song has reminded me of you all day, let’s see if you get it…” And he starts playing and singing, not looking up until he got to the part singing, “My heart, it beats, beats for only you… My heart is yours…” As I sit there listening to his voice, I smile. Something about it has always been so comforting to me. I sit back and think of all the things Justin and I have been through together in the past six years of our friendship, all the slumber parties, times we would sneak into the movies (before he got a job there), birthday parties, and little fights over things so little in importance that we would quickly forget what we were fighting over, we really are best friends.

As he finishes up the bridge to the song he had been singing to me, he sets down the guitar back in its case and looks up at me. At that moment everything about him became ten times more noticeable than ever before. Everything from his light brown hair, which was somewhat crooked from the last time I had cut it, to the freckles on his cheeks, that were barely noticeable. He was adorable, and from the words in the song, did he feel the same way about me? “Did you get it? Lex, do you know what I’m saying to you?” he irritably asked me. I guess I hadn’t realized he had been talking to me… or that I had been sitting there staring at him for several minutes. I sat back and thought about the words he had been singing to me, did I get it? The song My Heart by Paramore was a song that we had listened to so many times together during our drives around town. I never really thought that it would be used to describe anything Justin had thought about me. I remembered a time when that song had been playing on MTV, and Hailey Williams, the lead singer of Paramore, was on telling the meaning behind the song. She said it was about having to get out her feelings towards a band member that had left, and that’s what she had been left with… was Justin trying to get his feelings out to me?

“Justin, I’m not sure if I get it or not,” I reply, just to be on the safe side. Looking irritated, he tells me exactly what I had thought. Claiming that love was a big word and he’d never used it to explain how he had felt about any other girl. “Never, and I’m afraid of feeling this way, but I do love you.” He was telling me. I was amazed and excited that all this time, our feelings had been mutual.

I didn’t know what to do or what to say even if it was what I had expected him to say. “Justin for as long as I can remember, I have felt the exact same. When my dad was asking us when we were going to be boyfriend and girlfriend, when we goofed off and asked each other why we don’t, I really did like you, and I wish I would have told you ahead of time… if only I had known!” So many things were running through my mind, as he grabbed me and kissed me. Justin had kissed me! Not only that, but after he did, he got up and went home! I don’t think I had ever been so confused in my life, but so happy at the same time. He yelled that he would call me when he got home, and maybe we could talk, but when he called, we talked about everything other than that. I think we were both avoiding the subject, mostly because I was dating Seth… we were best friends, no matter what.

I had detention for skipping class and got home from school really late, about five o’clock. I hate days like that because nothing ever goes right when they occur. Dad gave me the message that Justin had called me about eleven times since three thirty, and that he seemed to have been crying. By the look on Dad’s face, I knew something was wrong and I was starting to get worried. What’s wrong with my Justin? I quickly grabbed the phone and started dialing the numbers. Dad hung the phone up and told me to sit down. I had no idea what was going on.

“He’s not at home, Lex,” Dad began. “He called from a pay phone. I think something really bad is going on. When I answered the phone, I could hear him crying.” I didn’t know what to do. I was nervous for Justin and I wanted to find out what was happening. This was all a mystery.

I again, grabbed for the phone, this time found the number on the caller ID and hit talk; every right the phone made had me more nervous than the last. Is he hurt? Could someone have hurt him? Once he picked up, I could hear him trying to answer the phone without me being able to tell he had been crying. When he heard my voice though, he cried. Wishing more than anything in this world that I could be there with him right then, I told him that I was going to have my dad go get him and that he should walk the 40 feet to Belcher’s house.

Thirty minutes later, Justin walked into my house with his mouth covered in blood. What was going on? He sat down in my living room spilling all the details out, every word making me want to cry with him. He confided that he had told his parents that he was bisexual and how his dad was furious. His dad called him names and kneed him in the mouth, making his mouth pour blood. His mom called him a freak and spit in his face, telling him to get the hell out of her house and not to come back ever because he wasn’t her son any longer. I was so upset; all I could do is cry with him. My dad, who is never nice to anyone or anything, was even crying. He told Justin how sorry he was and took me into the other room for a moment.

“Dad what are we going to do? He has no place to go, Justin is my best friend. I wish we could help him….” I began telling my dad. Dad smiled and asked if I would want to share my room with a new family member. At first I was angry, Dad was talking about “new family members” moving in again and I had already told him I wouldn’t share my room with my cousin Kristen and her boyfriend Chris. “Dad! My best friend is sitting in the other room crying his eyes out and you’re too busy talking about how you want me to…” at that moment, I understood.

I was so excited that I could hardly even breathe, worlds couldn’t even express! I ran into the other room and told Justin the good news. “Pack your bags Justin, you’re movin’ in!” Things were perfect from that moment on. My step-mom had moved out about two months before and it felt like we had found someone better to take her place. After a few more weeks though, things drastically started to change…

The after effects of my step-mom being gone were finally starting to hit dad. He was moody and was rarely ever even home. Justin and I knew it was getting harder for dad to deal with five kids on his own. Justin and I tried as hard as we could to help my dad by cleaning everything and watching the two younger girls. Justin would help get them ready for school every morning, give them rides to and from school and made them dinner every night. With everything we were doing, I don’t thin k it amounted to anything to dad because when he was home he was yelling about everything, not taking into appreciation all the work two teenagers were putting out to help him. He was screaming at me a lot, and told me I was the reason she was leaving. He’d tell me he hated me and he wished it was me who left instead of her.

I cried all the time in my room with Justin, hoping things would get better. I was in shock at how quickly someone who was the best dad in the world could change so quickly… as the days went by, my relationship with my dad became more hostile, I found it more comforting to yell back at him, to let him know how I felt about things as well. He was going to let my step-mom come back, knowing that if he did let her come back, I’d move out. He didn’t care about losing me; he called my mom himself and told her she could come get me. Without a word, Justin and I started packing out stuff, because the second I left, he said it wouldn’t feel like home to him anymore.

The next few days were hard to deal with because we knew in two weeks we would be split apart, something we weren’t sure if we could handle. Instead of talking about it though, we kept ourselves busy planning the weekend of my seventeenth birthday the following Friday. Our excitement and stress completely eliminated our feelings of sorrow for the moment. With the decorations and balloons in our minds, how could we think that I was leaving soon… or was I the only one too buy to think about it?

The birthday party was absolutely perfect! Justin’s brother was the DJ and knew exactly what I wanted to hear… rock! With dancing and laughing, and the smell of birthday cake ice cream in the air, Justin stood up and decided it was time to give a speech. He talked about all the fun times we had together and all the fun times we will have together on visits. He told us the he was afraid about being without me but that he was going to try and deal with it until January 27, 2009 when he had planned on moving to Virginia. Everyone froze; no one had known he had been thinking of moving once he was eighteen. The room was quiet as I ran up to him and hugged him, then a loud applause erupted. This was the perfect birthday present.

The day I left, Justin and I made a promise, forever we would stay friends, we’d call each other every night before we went to bed, we’d never, ever forget about the other one. I can’t help but to cry because my best friend is gone, but I know that it won’t be long until he’s here with me and we will be inseparable, the way two best friends are suppose to be