I have a bone to pick with you, Reed.
How could you make me fall so in love with you without even saying a word? How could you have charmed me so well without even a ‘hello’?
I traveled a whole summer in a tight, cramped RV with my parents for over 3,600 miles just to see you. Now, I know that might seem clingy, but I can’t help it. You drive me wild.
When I first began my high school career as an innocent, doe eyed little girl, I never thought someone like you could steal my heart. I promised myself I wouldn’t give it all up to the first thing I liked. But, then you came along with your quirky attitude, your eccentric qualities, your seductive campus, and your personality that matched mine. From the moment I saw you, picturesque and dignified on my computer screen, I knew we were perfect for each other. I wanted you to wrap your arms around me, tell me it’s okay to be who I am, and teach me all of the wonderful things you know. I would go to school, fantasizing of the day you and I could run away together.
I would peruse the web to find more about you. I would ask people who have seen you, who have been with you once, what you are really like. I would read endless reviews about you. I promise you I am not a stalker. I just haven’t met someone quite like you.
You aren’t like the others. You seem to understand me. You know I want to learn about the mysteries of the world. You know I want to feel connected to others who are like me. You know that I am independent, driven, but maybe slightly misunderstood. You and I are one in the same. I have yet to meet someone who could captivate me with just being.
When I left you that fateful summer day, that day when I could finally feel you and see you for myself, I cried. Not in a dramatic way, it was only slightly over-emotional. My parents didn’t understand. They couldn’t. They never went to college. They couldn’t feel the love I felt for you. I spent days, weeks, months, convincing my parents the love I felt for you was real. I told them it wasn’t superficial. I told them that you had the kind of education I wanted, the kind of freeing attitude I yearned for, and the kind of personable, non-bureaucratic personal charm I couldn’t resist. They told me to prove to both them and you that I really wanted to be with you. So I did.
Despite some extenuating circumstances, I fought for you. Every day at school I told myself ‘this is for you, Reed’. I studied, I learned, I participated in class for you. But, I also did it for me. I knew that my hard work wasn’t only for you to like me, no. I knew it meant that I am capable, that I am driven, that I am motivated to push toward the goal I wanted to achieve. I knew that my hard work, if it were to lead me to you, would mean that I have excelled in both my personal and my academic life.
Before I knew you, I felt lost in the jungle of students all racing to get to the finish line (wherever that is). I felt confused about where I was meant to go. I didn’t want to settle for the one that was close to home, or the one that was cheapest. Before you, I didn’t think I would understand that there could be freedom in education past high school. Before you, I didn’t know that other people believed in what I believed: that an unorthodox institution could produce such great, positive, and intelligent students.
When I finally got the nerve to get closer to you, you asked me “why”? Why? Well, for many reasons. Some of those reasons I can’t express in a language you could understand. Some of those reasons are silly and some of those reasons bring me to tears. You have pushed me, frustrated me, enticed me, challenged me, charmed me, inveigled me; you have made me fall in love with you and you never even said a word. There are many reasons why, but the most important one is that despite you being so distant, so elusive, so hard-to-get, I still want to be with you. I still want to be with you because you will be the only one out there that will understand me. You will allow me to explore my own mind. You will make me feel like an autonomous human being, a person not assigned to a number, someone who would greatly benefit from what you have to offer.
I don’t want to seem too forward, but in this day and age where everything is viral and flat, I feel that for you to understand my passion for you it cannot be understated.
You have made me feel things I’ve never felt before. You have touched me in all the right places. You have done it all without a single move. You are the only one who could have done this to me.
Reed, you and I belong together.