For the past 16 years of my life, I’ve been learning how to love myself. And I think this year has been the year I’ve been able to honestly say I love my body. Body positivity posts and plus size women have been flooding the internet this year. I envied the girls who were able to put up pictures of themselves confidently. They truly love themselves. And I wanted to be like them.

Growing up thicker and bigger than the average girl in Great Neck was tough. Everyone here is the size of my pinky. Even some of the boys. In elementary school I wasn’t really bullied or anything. Maybe a few couple comments from kids that don’t know how to think before they speak. For example, one of my friends in 4th or 5th grades was literally 5 inches shorter than me and a stick. We were going to the computer room and he says “You have 3 stomachs!” and begun to laugh. He was clearly speaking of my chest and my stomach fat. In that moment I didn’t really say anything. It didn’t hit me like it should’ve. All I could manage to do was laugh too and say shut up. Besides that life was pretty good as a kid.

Then came middle school. And this was the time that my size mattered a little more. I tried dressing nicer, tried doing my hair and experimented with makeup. I was the biggest in my friend group at the time. Sometimes we’d go out to get pizza and they would get full off of one slice. But me, I always craved a second slice just to make sure I was really full. I didn’t order a second one though, instead I’d pretend to be full and then we’d go out and walk around town. Being in a room with skinnier, somewhat prettier girls, was a little uncomfortable once they would start talking about their weight. Sometimes they would whine and groan at how “fat” they’ve gotten and I just look at them and roll my eyes. Like stop complaining. Just because your stomach isn’t flat doesn’t mean you’re fat. Whenever the topic of weight came up I wanted to disappear and hide. In 7th and 8th grade everyone started dating. Except me though. Boys didn’t like “fat” girls. Because I was bigger than my other female friends, that also meant I was bigger in other departments. That was the only time boys would really pay attention to me in middle school. But besides that I didn’t really date boys in my last years of middle school.

I always battled with my weight. I’d either lose a lot, or gain a lot. I’d try and go one diets, even in elementary school. But then i came to realize reality. My body is always going to be shaped the way its shaped. The beginning of high school was the beginning of my self-love journey, I was now surrounded by girls that are a little smaller than my size. I'm surrounded by beautiful thick girls who make me feel good about myself. I don't really worry as much about my size now, I am who I am. And I'm happy about the way I look. At one point in my life I let the Great Neck look be my inspiration. But not anymore. My new inspiration are the plus size models I see starting to come out onto the internet. Those are the girls I want to be. I want to show off my body because I love it. My body is what makes me happy. Thunder thighs won't ever become an insult. I will take it as a compliment because I love my thighs. I love my thighs, my stomach, my gut, my EVERYTHING. I am beautiful and I will never let anyone  make me feel less.