It was a frigid, windy, bone chilling day in the middle of January. The stroll to your house felt as though we were climbing Mt. Everest. I could feel the crisp air as it flowed through my lungs. The strong howling of the wind nearly knocked us over. Even though I was beyond freezing, the thought of you always seemed to warm me up. Your smile was always the light of my dark life that gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling.

We spent the entire day together. When I waltzed in, I could smell the “Beach Breeze” candle your mom always had lit in the kitchen. She could enter and think she was on a vacation.  I remember the sound of your child-like laugh every time a funny part of the movie would appear. I also remember the sound of your voice as you told me all of your lies, except at the time, I didn’t realize that what you were saying didn’t mean anything to you. Those words still wander in the back of my mind and they still replay in your voice. I imagine it’s much different now. It has been two years after all.  

The feeling of your arms wrapped around me is truly unexplainable. I always felt safe when I was with you. I felt loved, and to feel that especially by you made me feel like I found my purpose. My purpose was being with you. Too bad all good things come to an end. Happiness is a feeling that doesn’t come around much anymore, but every time I was with you, that’s what I felt the most. If happiness was a taste, that’s all I tasted when I was with you.

Everything was going so well, but then everything happened all so fast and that’s when my world came crashing down in front of my eyes. I heard the person I loved tell me the words I never wanted to hear. I was in denial because I didn’t want to accept what was happening. I could hear the hurtful, bitter, spiteful words you were saying, but all I could feel was numbness. My light was slowly fading away and I couldn’t do anything about it. All I could taste was fear because I was scared of the words you had to say.

Then it happened. You said the words that did me in. “I can’t do this anymore. I never loved you and I couldn't keep you believing I did.” Those words were like a bullet to the heart. I could feel the heat underneath my shirt as you spoke. I was watching the person that held my heart shuffle away. My heart didn’t want to let go but my mind knew I had to do it.

Nothing has been the same since you left. I’m still numb to everything and live in constant fear to ever feel love again, all because of you. Three years of my life was spent with you and I was left feeling hopeless. It is because of you I’m scared to feel. I’m scared to live and experience the good in life. I’ve  lived and learned from what you did, but I still find myself searching for the light you once brought into my life. Not being able to find that light is frustrating and tiring, but I told myself I wouldn’t stop until I found it. I did a lot of searching but I still found myself hoping we’d come back to each other. Until then, you’re just the light of my life that faded too soon.