In the dark abyss of my mind, I am drowning. There is a mold of what society wants me to be, but instead, it is filled with tears. Despite already being up to my neck in sadness, anxiety pours more water over me. My responsibilities are a cinder block tied around my ankles. My self-doubt tells me to stop trying to swim. My mother tries to push me farther down, my father watches and my sister walks away. When I am about to stop struggling, I get pulled out. A soft song fills my ears, white chords wrapping me in a warm hug. My daily struggles have been defeated, but only for now.

When I need to escape, I go to the one place I won’t be bothered: my bedroom. A full-size bed, drowning in a big fluffy blanket, and a cloud to place my head on. My dresser is bursting with clothes, and my random junk is falling off the top. My room has a sweet smell from my abundance of scented candles. I have three shining medals hanging off my wall, all with “Destination: Deep Space” on them. My class flag from band camp is also on my wall, the yellow flag covered in mediocrely painted pictures about our show. Many photographs and paintings turn my green wall into a serene forest. The room is spotless, only because my grandma would have my head if it wasn’t. 

My electronic rectangle is my sword against evil thoughts and other stressors. The sword’s secondary weapon is a white octopus that strangles the stressors and drowns out their screams with melodies. Anxiety is forgotten, depression is destroyed by a small spark of joy, familial issues seem insignificant. 

The only person I know to hurt and help me at the same time. We make fun of each other. We rant to each other. We complain about anything and everything. We help each other navigate our lives. We help each other deal with our mother. However, she left me alone to deal with our mother. She went to college and only comes to save me on the weekends. She has fun with her new life while she left me stuck with my same one. She makes living 10 miles away feel like we are 10 planets away. Despite the distance, we always have a connection through the beep machine. 

Although today’s world is full of chaos and conflicts, I have my way to navigate through it. I can drown out my evil thoughts with music. I can take a break from schoolwork and responsibility. When I feel lonely, when things get too intense at home, when I don’t want to feel anything negative anymore, or when I am bored I can destroy my eyes with blue light. I carry anxiety, stress, depression, parental alcoholism, and many other negative things. Most importantly, I carry my tools to cut away the negative things I carry.