It was the beginning of fourth grade. I was sitting in my assigned seat with my backpack hanging on the back of my chair, excited to see my best friend, Karen walk through the door. It had two months and a half months since I last saw her last and I had so much to tell her from my summer. I could not wait but while I sat in my chair, I recognized some people from my previous year at my elementary school and noticed a new group of girls sitting at the table farthest from the door. One was tall with long dark hair in a braid, the other an average-sized girl with curly brown hair, and finally, a short girl who had wavy black hair pulled back into a ponytail. Then Karen finally arrived. 

I told her everything, from what I ate for breakfast that morning to the different shapes of shells I found at the beach. The days went on as any school day would go but then things started to change between Karen and I. She would walk up to the new girls and talk to them; I didn’t see anything wrong with it and I would sometimes follow along, but every time I did, she would give me a small smile, wondering eyes, and an attitude that told me to go away. I was a bit confused and uncomfortable at times but I tried not to pay attention to it so I stayed, but the more it happened, the more out of place I felt. Did she not want me there? Did she not want to be my friend anymore? The more she hung out with them, the more I paid attention to the way she was acting. I saw her walking with them, sitting with them, and all of a sudden liking the same things they did like the song “Rude” by MAGIC and the kid singer MattieB which was the cool thing for girls to like in my class. I also noticed they didn’t really pay much attention to her. It was like if she was there, they would allow her to be there but if she wasn’t they wouldn’t bother search for her like friends would do. I was feeling left out. I didn't know what to do but I surely didn’t want to confront her about it because I was scared of what the outcome would be, so I listened to my gut and told my mom who was super involved with the PTA, volunteered a lot at my school, and knew Karen about everything. She then started being more attentive to Karen's actions and attitude toward me specifically, and she saw the same things I did.  

The situation got worse when a signup sheet came into the picture; there was going to be a pep rally taking place before the STAAR test and you could sign up to be one of the dancers who learned a dance routine from Just Dance to the song “Roar” by Katy Perry. The majority of the class got excited and gathered around the sign up sheet. Karen and her new friends signed up. I was always pretty timid and never really stepped out of my comfort zone, so I hesitated a little before I wrote my name on one of the open slots because it seemed like an easy and fun thing to do. I stepped back right after to clear some space from the crowded table, then Karen turned to face me and said in a matter of factly way “You’re just copying everyone else.” I was taken aback, I didn’t expect her to say that to my face and I immediately felt the need to defend myself. I wanted to say: “If anything you’re the one trying to be something you’re not!” but instead I went the kinder option and said “No I’m not” in the most casual way possible, and I wasn’t lying. She obviously didn’t believe me because she ended up backing out from the dance after we had already started learning it.

After thinking things couldn't get worse, they did. A few days later of me trying to understand why Karen was ignoring me with no explanation, I thought back to the things that I did for her like give her my favorite grey jacket in third grade, but I guess she forgot all about that. It was finally time for recess, my class was outside and I ran to catch up to Karen who was with her friends because little ole’ me was still trying to make our friendship work but when I got there, she turned her head around noticing me and waited two seconds before she put her hands on my shoulders and physically turned me around, guiding me away from them. “You can go the other way,” she said to me causing all of her friends to stare at me. I was embarrassed! I could feel my cheeks turning red and being stared at by her new friends. I walked away thinking: how could she do this to me? Why would she do that? Just to impress her friends?! Where do I go? What do I do?

We had become so distant that during my fifth-grade year when we were in the same class again, she would barely even glance at me. She made a new best friend named Leslie as her other friends were in a different class. I also made new friends that I was happy with. It was in that very moment that I finally told myself, Karen and I will never be friends again. Our friendship was over, but maybe it was for the best. I didn't have to be in a friendship where one person was putting in all the effort, where your so called “best friend” leaves you stranded. But in the end, this made me a stronger person and made me feel that it’s okay to speak up for myself when I see a problem that needs to be fixed. I am grateful for this friendship because without it, I would not have learned this lesson or become a better friend to myself and to others.