Inspired by A Sense of Wonder by John Medina

What time was it now? 3am. I can probably still stay awake for another hour. I put my earbuds back in, throwing my body back on the bed that molded to my position.  My room being engulfed in the smell of vanilla. The candle light flickered against my wall like an elegant waltz. My bed sheet barely managed to cover my body as one leg was sticking out to evenly distribute the feeling of being hot and cold. The faint air from the black plastic fan skimmed my free leg freely. My hair is a mess from laying down for so long. My rooms looked as though I hadn’t been living there for years. Random articles of clothing like socks, shoes, shirts were sprawled across the floor. I had barely noticed the mess growing gradually as my hazel eyes were fixated on the screen in front of me. To anyone who could have been observing, it looked like the screen encaptivated me in a trance. The screen flashed colorful scenes of characters from the anime engaged in a heated battle. My mouth hung open at the turn of events the battle had taken. My heart began to race as the anticipation of the results were getting me anxious. My grip on my phone grew tighter. It almost felt like I was witnessing the battle first hand. As the night progressed, my adrenaline died down and I was able to finally calm down. My earth alarm was finally starting to shine through my sheer white curtains. My eyes had grown tired of looking at a screen. Birds chirping invaded the dead silence of the room. My eyes finally fluttered close. With the day only just beginning, it was time to fall into a sleep that would still leave me tired. 

My imagination had changed my room from the messy disorganized mess to the area where the battle had taken place. I was being invited, once again, by the main character, G. He stretched out his hand, “Lets go.” He said softly. He seemed so real. I reached out to touch him and felt the warmth of his hand. All worries and doubt that seemed to be engraved into my skin were now cascading away as soon as I felt his hand. We travelled to the nearby mountain, giving me yet another grand tour of the land. The grass felt like cotton, the sky was now a rich pale blue. All colors I had previously known seemed to look so dreary. The main characters dragged me along on his adventure. The exhilaration I had felt while watching his battle from my screen. Felt even more immense now that I was living it with him. The lively blue that enchanted my eyes disappeared and the sky took its final form. Stars twinkled the navy blue sky gorgeously. G and his best friend K, took our spots laying on the silk like grass. We talked about our troubles until they both fell asleep. I took one last glance at the sleeping pair next to me before my own eyes betrayed me, shooting me out of the world almost in an instant. I shot my eyes open looking up to my dusty white wall. Almost robot like, I sat up and checked my surroundings and let out a long sigh. “Goodbye my paradise.” 

My tired aura went away in the blink of an eye as my mother shouted my name. It was time to put on a mask like always. She wanted to discuss my father's AA meetings. He was an alcoholic for the majority of his life. Only 5 or 6 years ago did he try to change. My mother and him would have constant arguments about this. As the screams grew louder, the walls started to shake and everyone in the house got tense. We could see our father trying to get better but at times it seemed that care he had when he first was sober vanished as the years went on. From hiding bottles in places only an insect would be able to find to staying longer at work to sneak drinks in. The tension in the house enraveled everyone. Any moment I could, I tried to escape those feelings. Those moments of adrenaline that coarse through my veins while watching anime and those special dreams that took me out of my uncomfortable state meant the world to me. Their issues weren’t my own and it took me a long time to realize that. One conversation with G always stuck with me. We are not our parents and we cannot aim to change them. Much how G wished his own father wouldn’t have abandoned him. All we can do is support them from afar and push them to be better. Now, it maybe doesn’t mean anything to an average person but to me every ounce of guilt I had washed away in that moment. These characters aren’t real. I will never be able to actually feel their hands and hear their words. I can never see our world as spritied as their world. But if I can just escape for a night, that’s enough for me.