Fifteen years ago I was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate, a condition in which the bones in the mouth do not connect before birth. My first surgery was when I was just four months old and then I had five more surgeries to repair the opening in my mouth.  One of the surgeries required the doctors to remove my front teeth and part of the bone they were attached to in order to be able to close the outside part of my mouth.  My teeth, at 2 years old, stuck out so far that my mouth could not close properly.  The surgeon made the difficult decision to remove it. This left me with no hopes of ever having real teeth, which lead to a difficult childhood.  Not only was eating difficult, but I had the constant staring and fake smiles to endure.  I was never bullied, but I was asked questions constantly which made me very uncomfortable to eat in front of anyone.  In the winter of my eighth-grade year, I had my last surgery for now.  This surgery was to take bone marrow from my hip to place in my jaw in hopes of one-day attaching teeth to it. However, I did not realize the teeth would not come till much later. I was so disappointed when I left the hospital, swollen and in pain, and still with no front teeth. As a teenage girl, I just wanted to look like everyone else. That did not happen that day. I healed and went to dentist appointments monthly in hopes that they would be able to attach fake teeth to my braces. I got my hopes up each time and was let down each time. Then right after Thanksgiving the best thing ever happened to me.

I’ll never forget the day that I was told I was able to finally get my temporary front teeth. I was shocked and still in denial.  As the doctor removed the wire from my braces to attach my temporary front teeth, I sat impatiently in the dentist chair not sure what to think. Part of me still did not believe this was finally happening, the other part of me was so excited. My mom was in the room with me, and I could see her holding back tears. I could see the redness in her face, and I could see her forcing her smile as she told me everything would be ok. As the doctor finished I braced myself, not sure how I would look. As the nurse handed me a mirror, I gathered my emotions but failed. When I looked at myself, my tears came bursting through! I looked over at my mom, and she was crying as well. I forced a smile as my mom took a picture to show my grandparents. I finally felt like a normal teenage girl. I wanted to eat in public, I wanted to smile for pictures, I wanted to do everything I had been so uncomfortable doing before. My mouth was sore, and I spoke with a lisp, but I did not care. I was me again, and that is all I wanted. The doctor made a comment about me getting my front teeth for Christmas, and actually, he had given me so much more than that. Some may not understand why this was such an important event in my life, but it was. I will never forget the excitement I felt. I texted my friends on my way home. They were almost as excited as me. 

As I look back, I realize the feelings I had were just in my head. No one ever picked on me or made fun of my appearance. I just felt like I was being stared at. I did get asked questions, but by genuinely curious children. I still have some issues about eating in public, but because of how I have to eat. I try to be positive and just think about how I am not the only one who goes through this. I will always be grateful for my amazing team of doctors who did this for me. I am not done with my surgeries, there will still be more and I am fine with that.