In the middle of winter in 2019, I was sitting in my bedroom doing my homework as usual and hoping to ask questions about my homework the next day. When I came across this news article about the coronavirus, I thought it was like a virus that wasn’t as deadly, so I didn’t give much thought to it. When I went to school the next day all my friends had been talking about the new virus, I thought that the new virus wouldn’t affect us, but then I was wrong. The school was closed, and isolation had become a new restriction. Many people around me were scared, and my friend was also nervous about what would happen. But little did I know that was the last time I saw my friends in person.

The world was affected by this deadly virus known as the coronavirus also known as COVID-19. I was very anxious, and so were my family members. My mom and dad usually work outside, but due to the coronavirus, my mom and dad are unable to work. My mom worked as a nurse and my dad is a chief. My mom was lucky enough that her workplace had a change of plans. My mom was able to work remotely with her patients. While my dad struggled to find a job, he would stay home and look after my brother and I. My brother is currently in 8th grade and I am in 9th grade. My brother and I would be waiting for further instruction from our school.

I told my brother in an anxious tone, “Check your email; your school should have said something.” But I couldn’t be more wrong. I also went to check my email, our school hadn’t sent us anything. My brother said, “My school didn’t send us anything but a letter that says stay home and don’t go to school.”
“What are we going to do?” I said back nervously.
My brother replied, “I don’t know, maybe we should wait a little longer.”

As we waited and frequently checked our emails, a week had passed by. It was like we were trapped in our own homes with no one to instruct us. When I realized that the sun was down, out of nowhere I decided to turn on my computer. I went to check on my emails and from there, our school sent out emails about our new learning system.
I said to my brother confidently, “Yes, our school finally sent us an email about the new learning system.” 
“What is the new learning system about?” He asked in a confused tone.
“The new learning system is going to be online where your teacher will post work online and have a meeting with you, and that learning system will be next week,” I replied.
“Ok, I have to see if I know how to enter a meeting,” he said. 
He went to check out some meeting apps. Luckily, my brother knows how to use Zoom and Google Meet. So, I would often ask him for help. Three days later, my teachers sent out invitations to Google Classroom, and I would join them and see what was going on. I finally got my schedule online, so I know what time to join what class. My brother had also received invitations to his classes and his schedule.

The day remote learning finally started, I had woken up at around 7:00 a.m. when I opened my bedroom lights. When I stared at my bedroom light, I realized that it was the first day of remote learning, and I was anxious because I didn’t know what to expect from remote learning. So, then I did my usual stuff, and I finally got to my computer, and I saw a lot of links to my teachers' meetings. When I saw the meeting, it would show us what time to join, and I would join it and wait for the teacher to start the meeting. When my teacher started the meeting, that was when I realized that her face was illuminated with artificial light through her webcam. She had posted our work for the day and I followed along with my teacher's instructions. 
“How was your mini break?” My teacher asked the whole class in an attempt to give us a sense of normalcy.
“It was good I finally got to stay home.” A classmate of mine replied with relief in his tone. 
“Confusing because I don’t know what is going on.” another classmate replied with frustration.
"It's frustrating," I whispered to myself, wishing for comfort.

I couldn’t help but reflect on before the pandemic had happened, when I could ask my teacher directly for help and it was comfortable to ask the teacher to repeat the explanation and go over the question step by step. But now my teachers couldn’t tell if we needed help or not so they continued with their lesson, leaving us isolated and it was hard to socialize when there was a computer screen in front of us. It was pretty frustrating and I was kind of confused about what was happening around me. I would get distracted because there is a lack of supervision in remote learning. 

Sometimes my teacher would give us anonymous assignments for us to complete independently. It was like a puzzle with no instructions. The bright light from my computer screen made me focus more on digital work. Anonymous lessons had added more confusion and uncertainty. Without the teacher giving us clear instructions it was like exploring an unknown city without a map. Sometimes, I would get stuck on some question and I would ask friends for help but their responses were inconsistent. 
“How do you answer this question?” I texted my friend. After 1 hour later, he finally replied and taught me step-by-step how to answer the questions. With the help of my friends, I was able to complete my assignments. 

Days turned into weeks, and slowly I had finally adapted to remote learning. I finally stopped feeling frustrated and I began to see growth in myself through digitalization. But one afternoon, I noticed that I hadn’t been keeping up with the news. The headline and images had been more poignant the more I scrolled down. There was a lot of violence in my community and many people blamed Asian Americans for the cause of this crisis to bring COVID to the U.S. Many violent incidents have occurred and this has made me feel shocked and terrified. "Is this the world we live in now?" I wondered to myself, feeling a sense of vulnerability. But I still decided to look into these more, the more I looked at the news the more I felt scared. I never realized that people can be this awful and also made me feel as if I don’t belong to this community anymore. 

When weekends came my parents and I went outside shopping. My parents were skeptical about online groceries, so we would go outside ourselves to buy essentials such as tissues, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, and masks. I started to think the stories on the news had shown Asian Americans being discriminated against in the streets. I used to walk confidently, but now I feel anxious. I could imagine that I was the victim in the news getting beaten up. This has made me feel a sense of being vulnerable and fearful. But when I was outside, I felt uneasy, fear of discrimination became more escalated. 
“Don’t stay too close to other people.” my mom cautioned. 
I replied, “I know.”
“We also have to go to another store to get other things,” my mom said hurriedly.

The streets were still crowded with people trying to stock up on daily needs. I saw a lot of people running to different stores and trying to get as many face masks, hand sanitizer, and toilet paper. This made me feel less anxious because when I was outside I didn’t see any discrimination and I felt like I was overthinking too much about the news. I didn’t give much thought to the news and I focused more on the people I saw around me. It made me think back to before the pandemic even started when everyone was going outside to buy groceries, buying clothes, without worrying about anything. It felt so good back then. But now, everyone was rushing to get what they needed. When I got home with my mom, I immediately started looking at the news and I didn’t see much Asian hate. 

Over time, the discrimination toward Asian-Americans began to recede from the news, giving us some hope, and relieving the fear and the gloominess we felt. There were fewer incidents of Asian hate, but there was still some sense of discrimination around us. When the Asian hate crimes were at their peak, this led to Asian Americans protesting against these injustices, creating resilience and determination to end these hate crimes. I was trembling about what would happen to these brave Asian Americans who stand up for all Asians. I felt relieved after society had slowly removed this hatred toward Asian Americans. This was like a bright light slowly removing the darkness.

As days and weeks passed, everything was starting to transform into a more digital society. Remote learning became a routine, even though I couldn’t talk to my friends physically or ask my teacher questions in person. I started to feel more confident in working on my classwork on the computer. However, isolation was still there but it wasn’t as strict as when it was first enforced. Even though COVID was around, we had adapted to continue wearing masks and maintaining social distancing. 

A couple of months passed by, and my brother and I received news about going back to school. 
“Finally remote learning is over,” I said excitedly.
“Yeah, I can finally hang out with my friend after almost 8 months have passed.” my brother said happily.

When school finally started, we had to wear masks, but social distance wasn’t applied. I was happy to see my friends again after almost 8 months had passed by. When I saw my friends, they looked very different.

"How have you guys been?" I asked with excitement.
“Good, but everything is different and weird.” One of my friends said, my other friend nodded his head and I couldn’t agree more. From that moment on, we overcame the challenges of digital learning and my friend was the source of my growth and I felt more comfortable in the evolving world around us.