It's hard to explain apathy to someone who cares so much.


I can't tell you how many times my feelings just for something or someone just vanished, like, bam, poof. It can be stronger than you could ever believe, just before apathy sweeps in and delivers a killing blow to what I had loved. Be it person, place, or thing. Apathy has been my nemesis since childhood. The worse part is waking up. Just that point in time when you see that it doesn't matter to you anymore, and it becomes arbitrary,

Even adapting god bears fruitless results. I'm beginning to wonder if I'm a robot or something. Wouldn't that be a twist? Wouldn't that be a woop-de-do of a twist? The guy who cares most for nothing is but a metal husk. It's not even like I have a bad life.

Somewhat under, somewhat overpriviledged. I do what I want a majority of the time, but not without limits. And it still, it still comes over me like crashing waves. I don't care, I never cared, I never will care. But yesterday I couldn't survive without it. What's wrong with me? Do I not draw breath like everyone else? Do I not consume my fill like everyone else? What am I doing wrong?
Maybe it's not me, maybe it's all of you. Why do you care so much?

So here I stand, in between good and evil. What does it matter what I do? What impression does one person have? Not as much as you're led to believe, I promise you that. Question after question, and still no real answers. God has no answers. You have no answers, and nothing happens when you die. Apathy keeps you sane, keeps you from doing anything rash, you it's obviously the way to be.

Not to say I don't dip into cynicism. How can one blame me? Who are you to judge? What do you get out of reading this? It's hard to explain apathy to someone who cares so much.