After I had to break-up with him, I thought I wouldn’t be able to be okay again, but turns out I can be a complete person without him or anyone else. I have learned so much from the break-up, and so many other things in these past two weeks. From a break-up with a guy I thought I loved, to going to a new church- where for the first time in my life I feel like I belong, to admitting to my friends what religion I am, and having them accept me anyways.

These past two weeks have flown by. It feels like it was just yesterday that I told the guy goodbye. It feels like just yesterday that I had my first day at church. It feels like just yesterday that I told my best friends who I really am. For the first time ever I feel like I am whole, I don’t need anything but what I have. I actually talk in school. I’m not that shy girl I once was. I have the break-up, but also my new church family, to thank for that.

Today I said something stupid. I misunderstood an assignment, and told my friend about the incorrect thing I thought. As I was walking down the hall my mind started to go that place it used to go to, where I obsess over how dumb I sounded and my face turns permanently red, and I feel awful for the rest of the day. Then I realized that I’m human, I am allowed to make mistakes. I’m allowed to say something stupid, no apologies. I’ve never thought that before. My attitude was always, I am horrible, time to blush massively.

I feel so strong, so confident, and so powerful. I feel like I can be myself for the first time. I have actually been scolded at school for talking with my friends, that’s a first too. I’ve realized that the only person my beliefs and goals need to make happy, is me. No one else has a say in my thoughts.

Before, I let my friends believe that I was like them, that I believed like them. Now they know who I am and they are okay with it. It feels so good to just be me. It feels so good to not care what other people think. It is like a huge weight has been lifted. I have cared so much for so many years.

I am so glad I had to break-up with him. I am so glad I had this opportunity for growth. I think my mom is right, high school relationships aren’t forever, they are practice, and the point is for teens to learn and grow, not become really, permanently attached. I feel like if I hadn’t broken-up with him it would have taken me so much longer to get to this place of self-worth, and value. My whole world has changed in the best way.

My new church is also part of this. I joined a Unitarian Universalist church, which is basically a church that isn’t for just one religion, is inclusive, and believes in positive social action. I feel like I belong there. I am part of something beyond myself. I am growing, and learning so much, and it is all on me to pick what exactly I believe.

My friends at school are the best people in the world. They don’t mind me being me, which is something I’ve always been scared to be. I’ve been scared to just be me. Now my friends and I are closer than ever. I feel like I belong there too.

Everything is falling into place. Two weeks ago, I wasn’t a member of a church, my friends thought I was somewhat different than what I am, and I had a boyfriend. I felt perfect then, but what I had was nowhere near what I really needed. Now I have the best friends, who I am close to, and a church, where I belong, and no boyfriend. My life right now is the true definition of perfect. What I have now is what I really need. Some other guy will come along someday, and if one doesn’t for a while, well I’m okay with that too. I’m happy with just me and the people and things I love.