Everyone is asleep, I think. Except for my dad and I. It was bedtime about an hour ago but I just can’t seem to fall asleep. I toss and turn; it’s either too hot or too cold in my room. Never perfect. My room is huge; at least that’s what it feels like to me. I’m only seven years old and pretty small. The white door looks like a giant hovering over me and the four walls seem to go on forever so that I can barely see what’s at the end. Next to the window I have buckets of toys that I have never use. I hate Barbies and nobody ever plays with me anyways, so why bother. It’s getting cold again and this Minnie mouse blanket doesn’t help much. I guess I’ll l be staying up for another hour maybe.
I hear coughing in the bathroom that’s right across from my room. I know it’s my dad, smoking weed or something again. As I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling at the glow in the dark stars I think, he’s going to die soon if he doesn’t quit. He’s already starting to go crazy. When he isn’t smoking he lays down by the door with a gun in his hand because he says the devil is going to come and get him. I may not know much about the devil, but I don’t think some gun is going to kill him. Besides the only thing that has come close to being a devil are those people who won’t leave us alone.
The smell from the bathroom is getting stronger. Now I know it is weed. I want him to stop. I want to be a family, a good family. One that eats and laughs together. No more fights or calling each other bad names. Before, he used to just sell it and we would count hundreds and hundreds of money. Believe me when I say, we used to put all that money into laundry baskets because there was just so much of it. Everything seemed to be going good for my dad when he had money. Then he started consuming the drugs instead of selling them. He went from being one of the best drug dealers to a drug addict. He lost all his money and that’s when everything got worse.
It’s around three in the morning now. I can tell because there are no clouds and the moon is big and bright. I’m starting to get a little bit sleepy but there’s too much on my mind right now. Memories running through my head won’t let me sleep. I close my eyes for a moment I start to see images of a small part of my past.
People started getting mad at my dad; mad enough they wanted to kill him. He owed them a lot of the money and he wasn’t “doing business” with the customers any more. I remember they came one night and pounded on the door for several minutes yelling my dad’s name. He was in his room passed out from smoking so much and my mom was working. She worked everyday almost all day trying to make money to pay off my dad’s debt but it was never enough. My two little brothers were in their room sleeping, I was surprised they hadn’t woken up because of all the yelling and I thought they were about to knock the door down.
I walked to my brothers’ room, which was next to the bathroom; it smelled a lot like weed but it didn’t bother me anymore. By this time the men outside started saying that they had guns and that they were going to kill him. Fear filled my whole body as I entered my brother’s room. I woke them up, told them to be very quiet, and to go to my room. I walked around the house cautiously making sure doors and windows were locked. I turned off any light that was on and as I did this I noticed that there was no more yelling or pounding on the door. I thought maybe they had left already.
With the hope that it could be true I ran back to my room and found my brothers playing with the Barbie doll car. A smile started to appear on my face when I heard another set of knocks on the back door, this time. My heart jumped and I quickly went to my door and locked it. I turned off the light and I told my brothers to get under my bed. I followed them as I crawled towards my bed as well. I could hear pounding on both of the doors now. I held my brothers tightly as tears started rolling down my face. At that moment I was their protector and I was willing to do anything to keep them safe.
Minutes passed and I could hear the engines of the cars starting to die down. I was still scared but I managed to come out from under my bed and peek through the window. Two black SUV’s drove away. They were finally gone. At that moment I felt relieved, but I knew they would come back another day. I looked back at my brothers who were now on my bed and told them to go back to sleep. As they lay there on my bed, I stood there looking outside my window making sure no danger came to harm my little brothers.
The house was completely silent. I think my dad went to bed already. The moon is still out. I don’t know what time it is though. I just want to sleep now.