There’s a time in a single person’s life that the object of time seems to slow down, it darkens the depth of human understanding, and obstructs the view at the end of the tunnel. It’s a flashbulb memory, burnt into the back of your eyes, the vision trapped inside your mind and the voices echoing in your ears. It’s like your back there, standing in the same place you stood when you realized that the one you loved most was slipping through your fingers.

It seemed like a life time ago that I had openly talked with my father, the one who gave me life. It seemed like a century ago that we had laughed and seen each other. My life with my father had ended before it had even begun. After the second marriage my father stopped being my dad. It was like his second wife shoved a wedge in between the relationship my father and I had previously shared.

I was forced to grow up without a single father figure, but the experience, the struggle of finding myself on my own, did not go unappreciated. I learned many lessons because my father was never by my side. It’s like his absence in my life forced me to develop myself faster, to grow up sooner, to always be looking out for myself and for my sister because I soon learned that if I didn’t, no one would. And I learned how to stand on my own two feet.

I struggled to learn how to defend myself, even if it meant defending myself from him. Nothing can teach you how to be a self advocate than being tossed into an environment that’s as hostile as the Sahara desert, and as unwelcoming as the icy tundra’s of the southern and northern poles. I quickly discovered that I could use my voice, and that my voice held my inner strength. I unwrapped this helpless girl and found a powerful young woman who wasn’t afraid anymore. She wasn’t afraid to lose her father because she realized that he was already lost. She wasn’t afraid of other people because at the end of the day the only person she had to live with was herself, and that fueled her own flame. Because I never had the opportunity to be “Daddy’s Little Girl” I knew how to protect myself, by myself and that’s an inner power I would never give up for my father.

I also learned how to watch my own back, which is something I am forever grateful for. The ability to watch over and protect myself is such a rare gift. Many people require other’s to help them stand and support them in their darkest days, but I don’t need that. I was forced to live in darkness for some time, but I found out how to break out of the shell of self pity and I learned how to pave my own way in life. I would never change the way my life has been drawn out because every trial I’ve faced has made me stronger. Every trial I’ve faced has made me who I am today.

The most significant event in my life was never a single moment, but more of a culmination of disappointments and the impact is irreparable. All the things that happened between my father and I have helped shape and mold me into something bigger than myself. It helped me to become strong and a self advocate. And that’s something I would never give up for my father.

There’s something about rising above the depths of our own despair that unleashes our own inner power, our own inner light. Thank you, Dad.