I walked in the front door from walking my dog Bhodi.
My mom got a phone call and she started crying. I tried to think of possible people who could be hurt, that my nana would call my mom about. She got off the phone. I asked her,
“Who was that?”
My mom told me it nana called.
“What did nana want?”
It took her awhile to tell me. I think she couldn’t tell me because she didn’t know how I would react to the incoming news.
“It’s about Stan. He drove his motorcycle last night, and waited to turn. A drunk driver hit him, and killed him last night. I’m so sorry I have no idea why God chose him but he did.”
Before I knew it, I cried. My face went blank and tears started rolling down my face uncontrollably.
How could this happen, this is impossible. He did nothing wrong, nothing. He already lost his parents, why did he have to be taken to.
My mom came over and gave me a huge hug. I was crying hysterically. Stan was my very first teacher in preschool, and my uncle's best friend. He was the best unrelated uncle I’ve ever had. Everything Tommy and Stan did together, involved me and my mom. He is important to our whole family, because he lost his family when he turned 16. I
Flashing back to one afternoon when Uncle Tommy picked me up from Three Bears Stan and Uncle Tommy hit it off. They became the best of friends After some years had past it was a thanksgiving and we invited him and his family over for dinner. I was around the corner playing with my barbie dolls, I heard Uncle Tommy and Stan talking after the invite.
“It’ll only be me attending.” Stan said shielding his eyes from Uncle Tommy to avoid eye contact.
“”What? Why? Do you guys already have plans because we can reschedule for a different day.” Uncle Tommy said in the most confusing tone I’ve ever heard him say.
Stan explained the story about what happened to his parents. I wasn’t able to catch all of the conversation but I felt really bad for him so I decided he was part of our family and it really seemed like it because he would be with us when we did family activities. Just two days before, it was the happiest day of my of my Uncles life. Just standing there Uncle Tommy is a waiting his future wife to walk down the aisle to be married...At the reception music was blasting in everyones ears. Stan walked up to me,
“Hey may I dance?”
“Sure? I guess it’s not my choice.” I said in the dah tone of voice.
“I know, but with you?”
“Ohhh I gotcha. I would love to.” I smiled got up from my chair and we made our way to the dancefloor. We danced for like 2 hours. We dougied, we jerked, and he even cat daddied. It was so much fun. It had to been the best time I have ever spent with him.
Then next thing I know I’m back. Sobbing in my mom’s arms. She was apologizing to me, and telling me that it wasn’t my fault. Since I cried so hard I couldn’t get it out. I was trying so hard to tell my mom that it has to be a sign that I never paid enough attention to Stan.
Then my mom told me to finish getting ready for school. I went into my room and curled up on my bed.
My mind flashback to all the times I had spent with Stan. I remembered when I first met Stan at my daycare, Three Bears and the whole class had this fashion show where we dressed the teachers up. We got to choose out teacher to dress up. I chose Stan because I thought he was cool but then I found out that he and my uncle are best friend. Then I remembered the time my uncle and I went to this kid’s birthday party and we only went because Stan dressed up as chubaka. I caught myself laughing at all these memories on my bed. I thought and I said to myself,
“Do I really only have two memories of me and Stan other than when we were at Uncle Tommy’s wedding.” I was felt horrible. I hated the fact that Stan died. I didn’t even want to know how Uncle Tommy felt. I still blame myself to this day of Stan dying because I wasn’t with him enough to help him recover from anything had happened in his life. I started to cry again because just having him on my mind made me sad and knowing I never thought about him unless someone brought him up.
Just having my mom’s voice play over in my head telling me it wasn’t my fault and things just happen for a reason and that I wasn’t the reason. I told her that I hated myself for even letting it happen it’s not fair why does he have to die. I kept saying how it should have been me in his place instead of Stan.
My mind came back to my room to hear my mom yelling. I poked my head out the door to see my mom on the phone helping support Uncle Tommy but then BAM! My mom yelled into the phone,
“Shawnee doesn’t care!? Does she even know who we're talking about?”
Shawnee had just married Uncle Tommy. Even now thinking about it makes me want to start crying. I think of him way more than I did when he was still alive. It’s amazing to know that someone has to die to have them be thought more of now then how they were thought of when they were alive.
But even though Stan is gone, I will smile. It’s hard to let him go, I still think about him to this day. I will move on even if it’s hard, because I know that Stan is in a happier place. At times I felt like he is with me, like he’s still here but gone at the same time.