I paint my room to keep me happy. That's why the base of the walls are white. To make the wall bright, to keep me bright. I paint pictures and quotes to make me believe in hope and happiness. That there something in this world for me being here. But I don’t see the brightly painted stars or the boldly letters of quotes about dreams. How can you dream when all you see is black. How do I keep fighting when the purple chains keep biting me. Pulling me away from my hard work.

My canvas of life has holes in it. I do try. I try my best to paint pinks, yellows, and blues. But once I feel like nothing can go wrong. I had spoken too soon. It’s like being push off of a cliff and I’m saved from the cold purple chains. I can feel the coldness of these violet chains like frostbite, they are always there, burning me.

I sat there on the floor bound to the walls, crying my heart and eyes out. I yanked to get away, to be set free. The lavender chain creaked a harsh whisper telling me that I’m useless and that I get in the way of everything...that I’m a bother to everyone. I cry and cry, there be a swimming pool fill with my tears.

Once morning comes, the royal chains pull back and release me. I stand up, I feel the soreness of the frostbite on my wrists. I get dress, looking nice. I put on skin color liquid to hide the purple and red stains on my face. I look at my face through the mirror’s eyes. At least it doesn't hate me. I see my brown eyes. The creamy color is fill with false hope, like always. I smile at the mirror and pretend that nothing happen last night. That I didn't shed a layer of tears. I feel the disgusted of the purple chains through the mirror. I look down, avoiding it’s eggplant coloring stare. I feel the vivid chains looking down at me with shame. It coldly laugh and said, “You know,even if you try to be happy. You’re always stuck. Even if you ignore me. I’m always beside you making your life harder.”

I stand up and sigh. I put on my bag and go to school, I know the heavy steel chains are slowing working it’s way to wrap itself around me.The orchid chains are right. Even if I try my hardest, I always get knock down. The chains always appear to catch me, even though I hate it. This my life, it’s been like this for almost seven years now. I do hide my pain, my tears, and my doubts through my painted face. I would rather that the people around me be shining brightly with happiness than feel guilty for me. Even though I tell them it’s fine. When you are trap by something that you can’t controlled, you learn how to act different, but then you're stuck being different. My true self...disappear and I have no idea where it...went.