I never thought I would be able to sit in my college dorm room and tell the story I have lived through. Four years ago I had no idea if I was going to make it out of the supposed best four years of your life, better known as high school. Luckily, through everything I have been through I am proud to say I have made a change and I am becoming a wonderful young woman. Throughout high school, I had huge dreams and aspirations of going to a huge college, becoming popular, and being skinny. I learned, however, that your weight, social popularity, and, how intelligent you are does not describe who you are as a person. I was always the kid picked on and made fun of. Here is my story and what I went through.

Two weeks before my freshman year started and my father was rushed to the hospital and I was afraid he would never be the same. I knew he had not been well, he talked to me less and cared less about showing sheep together and allowed me to have more freedom. I was a normal fourteen year old teenager, so I cannot say I complained, but then again I am not sure if I realized. After a long week in and out of hospitals doctors had come to the conclusion that he was suicidal and depressed. He had thoughts of ending his life, and I asked myself why. His work had taken over his life and he did not enjoy doing it anymore. However, he had provided solely for the family while my mother stayed home. Unfortunately, his battle still continues and that following Spring my problems resembled my fathers.

It was the ending of February and I had just celebrated my fifteenth birthday. I still remember being on Facebook when a girl named Kayla messaged me saying there had been an “I hate Erika Pell” Facebook page created. There was an instant shock and I could not find myself to believe her. I searched the “alleged” page and was devastated to find that it existed. I saw things that made me so angry. I then screamed, yelled, and cried literally for days. I refused to go back to that high school, but I had to. When I returned, I could not make it through the day without ending up in the Vice Principals office. My parents did everything they could do to get the situation under control, but nothing helped. The authorities and Principals’ at the high school all said there was nothing that could be done. At this point, I was ready to end my life, and I tried a few times.

On March 17th I started a new school after encountering a large amount of obstacles. I had to get out of there, and I did. I hate to say that things got better though, because high school was terrible all four years. All four years and now into college that hate page has followed me. It scared me for life and I will never be the same person. Unfortunately, I was also hit multiple times, confronted, and spit on at times in high school. Like I said I am lucky to even be sitting here today and if it was not for my Daddy understanding what I went through and understanding how I felt I might not be. I was so lucky to also have my mother who fought every time something happens to let me receive the same respect all the other students gave each other. My parents are forever my best friends; they supported me the last four years, no matter what.

I learned so many lessons and I learned how to become a stronger person, and in a way I thank all those people for doing what they did to me. I believe karma has bit everyone whose tortured me. Both girls that hit me have either had a baby or are pregnant along with many of their friends. You might say that is irrelevant, however I am the one who is making it far and not letting a baby get in my way of my dreams coming true. The young lady who created the hate page now also has a child and is an addict to hard drugs. Seeing these individuals continue to make mistakes, and fail in my eyes has taught me how strong and amazing I truly am.

I have read and seen many young teens commit suicides because of similar situations that relate to me, yet I have spoken on the radio and shared my story and I hope I saved a life. I have a story coming out and being published in a book this month also. I have all these dreams and possibilities that have molded me into the social butterfly that I now I am. Regretfully, however I am sometimes way to outspoken, scared, and timid. I am now forever scared to get too close to people unless I trust you and I get a certain comforting feeling around you. In which that means there are both negative and positive impacts that my experience have made on me.

Therefore I am so very thankful to have the support of my sister Chynna, and my two amazing parents Brian and Rosemarie. I plan on continually growing and becoming stronger and happier. Right now I see a counselor every Tuesday to help me get through the pain that the last four years have inquired in me. I also understand that life will have positive and negative’s on a regular basis, yet if you glue that smile on your face your closest friends will give you hugs that will help you stay strong. Honestly, that is my favorite thing. When my friends know I am upset, they give me a huge hug and I just cry on their shoulder. When we let each other go I feel like they are still right there in my presence. I know not everyone will love my loud mouth or my crazy personality, but right now I am becoming the woman I will be for the rest of my life. I will make it and my dreams will come true, no matter what anybody says. I will stay and love myself even more.