Dear Lupus,

If I could meet you face to face. I would say a lot of things to you. Like how much I dislike you. Before I was diagnosed with you. I was a quite happy kid. I was shy, but I liked school.

But on November 25, 2006 you attack me and wrecked everything. Like my family and myself. My Mom and stepdad were more stress than ever because of you sending me to the hospital. Because of you, they got a divorce. My brother put distance between us. He didn’t know how to deal with a sick sister.

Lupus, you made me even more shy. I was terrified of school. I loss my hair during my 3 and half years of chemotherapy. I was bully because my hair was short as a guy in seventh grade. The kids called me “Gay” because of the damage you done. I was scared of making friends because I didn’t know how they would react to you. I didn’t know if they would run scare or called me weird.

Because of you, Lupus I had to live a different life than most kids. I was put on tons of medicines. I have to be put on a special diet because my kidney are failing. And I had to wear sunscreen whenever I went outside. Plus, I’m always tired, so exhausted after a day worth of school of fighting your pains that I’ll take a 4 to 5 hour nap when I get home. And I don’t like it!

Lupus the worst thing you done to me, it made me doubt myself. Make me believe that I’m not good enough. That all I do is miss everything up. You made me put on a mask and pretend that everything was fine. You made me hide my happy self.

But through the pains, the tears, and the doubts. I’m a different person now, Lupus. I don’t see the world as a dark place anymore. Instead I see it as a beautiful wonderful place. I look for the good things in life, even if they are small. I see hope and love. I’m not scare of trying new things, because I know something wonderful will come out of it. I Love making people smile and laugh. when they smile or laugh or both, I’m happy because I put a light in that person’s eye.

Lupus, I can finally say that I’m more than happy. Yes, sometimes I do struggle with you, But I know not to let you put that mask back on me. I’ll show my feelings. I’ll be happy, silly, creative, funny, sad, mad, sassy, outgoing, lazy, encouraging, and loving. I’ll be myself.

I have theory. If you never had came into my life, Lupus. I would never had join Junior Rotc, I would never found My love for helping people and being a leader. I would never had join Drill team or rifle team. I would have never found my Confidence. Or my amazing wonderful friends who love me, stand by me, and support me. My friends keep me going, they know what a pain you are, Lupus. They know how hard I try, not to show what you done to me.

Plus, Lupus I would never Had found my faith again. when I was very sick with you at first. I struggle believing in God and trusting in Jesus. I didn’t understand, Why this happen. So in 2006 through 2012. I didn’t really have a relationship with God. But this year, I wanted a change, to be outgoing, confident, and happy. I wasn’t happy for 6 years, because of you Lupus. And feeling that darkness in my heart was horrible.

I found My confidence through trusting in Jesus and I won’t let you take that away from me again. I’ll keep loving God and Jesus. I know that HE has a plan for me with you, Lupus. And I thinks it’s to show people what faith and hope can do when you're living against the odds. I want to be the light and I want to show people that Loving God and Jesus is a wonderful amazing thing. Knowing that God loves you and that Jesus die for you is amazing feeling.

Your whole plan Lupus, was to knock me down. But I gotten back up and I’ll kept smiling. My motto this year is “keep smiling and Lupus on.”

Thank you Lupus for changing my life because of you I finally realized this year, what God has in stored for me. And how all of the people I met through the years and this year, impacted my life.

Thank you, Lupus for being in my life. Back in 2006, I was a little girl afraid of the world. I was afraid of speaking and being myself. It’s now 2014, It’s been seven years fighting you, I’m been in remission for 3 years. But I’m not scare! I love life now!! Having faith and seeing the hope and love can make a big difference. And I can finally say to you, Lupus. Is you won’t win, you take won’t take away my spirit. Even if tomorrow I get the news that I need a kidney transplant or have to do chemo again. I’ll keep smiling. I’ll keep laughing. I’ll keep looking for the good and finding hope. I’ll still be myself, shining my light.