“Fat”; one of the many words that I would hear; compared to my sister I had lots of blubber to keep me warm.

My father certainly didn’t fail to notice. If I went to get seconds of anything, the strings of words would fire out from his his mouth. If I even ate a candy bar, I was suddenly at risk of becoming fatter. And because of that, I was a disappointment. Someone who didn’t and would never fit into the “perfect family”. The family where all the kids are suppose to get perfect grades, where they never make stupid mistakes, they have the ideal weight or even disappoint their father.
The thing is, after a while you believe it. Those words become engraved on you. They follow you everywhere you go. When you look in the mirror, you feel like “FAT” is written all over you. You feel like your pants are too tight and that your shirts draw too much attention to your mid-section. The tears become your only friend. The loneliness you feel reaches into your heart, until you feel like you need to take action. That you need to fight off the enemy.
So I fought.
I stopped eating as much gradually, drinking mostly water. Those were the weeks of endless excuses, such as; “I already ate, I’m not hungry, and I don’t feel good.” In that time, I felt as though I was winning the battle, and I should continue to fight.
While I lost the weight, I gained sight affects. I would get horrible headaches, abdominal pain, and dizziness. I told myself that it was okay. That soon, my own family would accept me, that they would be proud of me.
I realized that I wasn’t winning the battle, in fact I was losing the battle in the long run. I realized what I was doing was irrational. With the help of my close friends, I started to eat again little by little. I started to gain some of the weight back, and for me, that was the hardest part. I felt as if I was sliding back, and that made me want to fight back even harder. But, I learned to not let it get to me. I learned that I should be proud of my weight and be happy with myself. And when I achieved that, then I really would be able to win the internal battle that was suffocating me.
I was beginning to feel alive again.
When I am writing this, I well know people will read this and they will probably assume that I did this solely for attention. But that is not my goal.
I decided to write this to make people realize that what you say to others can hurt them.
It can make them hurt them so bad, that they try to do something dramatic, something that they cannot take back. Something that they are always going to wish they never did. Society today pegs teenegers as only being pretty when they are a size zero, and if they look like a model. However, I challenge that point. It doesn’t matter what size you wear, it only matters that you are truly happy with yourself. You are truly beautiful. Whether it is on the inside or on the outside. We are all different. And its time that we all embrace it. We should be proud of how we are, and not try to change ourselves because of how society believes we should be. It took me a while to realize that. I tried to change because of what someone said. I stopped eating because of what someone close to me said. I beg anyone who reads this, to not do what I did. Do not make the same mistake. I assure you that you are perfectly imperfect!
Someone caused my tears and pain. Are you the cause of someone else’s pain and tears?