They were like labor pains, but worse. Much worse. I could feel my brain pulse. It needed room, but the water was playing its known role. Narcissism. I can feel them coming on before they are there. I cannot describe it, but I brace myself with everything I’ve got. Seconds pass, and the headache takes over me. If I am lucky, I will not vomit. But before the headache, the nurse comes in with my enemy. Something I do not like, but has learned to deal with. Cope with. Need for my survival. An IV.

Thoughts running through my head. Pain. Suffering. Wanting to die. As the nurse puts his gloves on, I brace myself for what is coming, so I think…

“Now, this is going to be cold’ the nurse informs me.

“Is it the needle?” I asked, horrified.

“No, it’s a disinfectant wipe”.
My heart starts to pound, nervousness takes over me.

After he is done, he grabs the tournequit and as gently as he can, wraps it around my right forearm. The rubber band squeezes until I can feel every vein pulse. He is looking for the perfect vein. In my body, there is no such thing.

“Crap. Could he have tightened it anymore?” I think to myself.
He holds the “Butterfly” needle in a way that seems as if he is going to attack me.

“Now, you’re going to feel a tiny prick. I need you to relax” he tells me reassuringly.

I know what is coming, so I try to distract myself. Ceiling. Light. Bright light.

“What are you reading, mom?” I ask nervously, while looking at my hand.

“It is on the election. It would be nice if Obama won.”
I drift my attention away from my hand.

“Here we go…one, two three” the nurse counts. I feel the needle penetrate my skin. It takes only a few seconds to get the needle where it needs to be.

“Good”.

“Is it in?” I ask.

“Yes it is” he sounds sort of pleased.
Then, I notice that the nurse is slowly pulling back on the ‘plunger’.

“Ugh” I think the nurse just whispered to himself.

“What? Is it working?”

“No. I’ll be back” he says.
The feeling of the needle going into my skin was horrific. The way the sharp end slowly dug into my delicate skin. I begin to break down.