I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. People have just told me this is how you’re supposed to live. By going through the motions, not caring what happens to you. It’s like I’ve constructed my own prison with no way out. I go to school, write down complete bull because I know it but it doesn't make sense. I go home and get caught smoking whatever and I get punished but I’ve stop caring all together. I don’t know whats happening around me. I don’t know why I do the things I do. I guess everyone has their own little way of dealing with life. My question is “Am I dealing with it in the right way”, I have absolutely no idea. I go to counseling every tuesday and grow a thick shell around myself and just push myself deeper and deeper into what seems like a dark and endless tunnel even though I want to scream. I stay silent. To me, it seems, what I need is a signpost that says “Paradise to all those who seek it” 10,000 miles. I would run, walk and crawl those 10,000 miles if it meant there were answer on the other side. I had that signpost for a time. It came to school, it sat next to me in class, it made me laugh and it talked to me, it made me promise to not do all the things I shouldn’t do because I loved that signpost. Now it’s gone, because I destroyed it.