I walked into the hospital room on the 7th floor, not sure what I would be walking into. “ I want to wear that white dress you bought me, with white pearls, “ my grandma said with her soft voice .
    

The setting of the room was tight, a stranger and her family sat on the other side of the curtain. Life was closing in on Grandma and it seemed as if the walls were closing in on my family.

My mother sat in the chair with a hunched back, hoping this wasn’t the end. I stood next to her, she laid her head on my hip and burst into tears. I didn’t know if I was comforting her or becoming a burden, rubbing my hand back and forth on her back.

My grandma continued to tell her what she wanted done and who she wanted around before and after her death. “ Go into my house and get the book from Nanny. Read a poem from it, “ Grandma said, giving my mother more instructions.

Another round of tears came out of my mom’s eyes like a broken shower head, just pouring out. My sister who sat on the end of our grandmother’s bed and began to cry, witnessing the core of our family plan her own funeral.
     

“ Is this what she really wants? Who actually would want to die? “ I repeated to myself in my head. I was speechless, what do you say to a loved one who only has 2-3 days to live?

Although the suffering would stop for her, the pain would start for my family and I . We all had memories with her. It would be impossible to forget her jokes and strong opinions. She kept saying, “ I had a conversation with the Lord. “ We had to accept the fact that this is what she wanted, and that it was her time to go.

About a week and a half later, it was my grandmother’s funeral. It was heartbreaking to see my mother cry in such a way. As a child you never think your grandma would leave earth. After that experience, life smacked me in the face and made me realize how much I take for granted. Like breathing for a human is natural, we don’t think about it. But every breath we take is closer to our last one.

As I walked into the funeral, I saw her. She looked so beautiful, in that white dress and gold scarf. She looked just like an angel, my angel, my grandma.

I began reminiscing, thinking of all the memories we shared.