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The Flat Screen Exorcism
My mother had left for a meeting and it was just my grandmother and me. By now I am
used to being in the house with just her since she all she knows how to do is watch TV and sleep
like a hibernating bear. Today, she went with her first capability which was to watch TV. Just
like every other AARP member, the only buttons she knew how to work were the channel and
volume buttons. So, she screamed my name similar to how a banshee would before jumping to
its death and I rushed down the stairs. “Fix the television for me baby, will you?”. I brushed her
off telling her I didn’t know how to work the TV and went on about my business. Then, I had
this mental idea…
Thinking to myself the same way Kevin Hart has to do before every single joke he makes,
I decided to take advantage of this moment. Using my phone, I turned the volume up, down
and upside down, while flipping channels. Next thing I hear is a scream the pitch of the well-
known castrated Michael Jackson. Boy, I was bawling laughing, but that was just the beginning.
Taking myself down stairs, my grandmother stands before the TV throwing holy water with her
rosary in the left hand. She is still screaming but now switching into creole. Amidst the
performance, I came to the realization that this is possibly my future as an old man; performing
exorcisms in man-diapers. But I did not care because now my worries were on how will I explain
this all to my mother.
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