PART ONE

Friends help you in times of hardships, build memories together, and life becomes easier and meaningful. Friends have been a crucial part of my life ever since I made my first friend.  As I have grown up, life has become  harder, and so has the importance of friendship to me. I am not a very sociable person myself, and in fact, I am often a third or fifth wheel whenever there is a conversation. Every year I get better at making friends, and learning this is a lifelong skill we all work on.

In the first three years of my elementary school before coming to America, I did not mind not having anyone to hang out with at free-time. Now that I think about it, I knew the reason I did not have many friends in those years. Either I intentionally avoided them or/and I did some cringe things that they did not like, causing the newly formed friendships to fall apart quickly. I cannot give any examples as I am too ashamed to even write it. 

In the middle of 3rd grade I came to America, giving me a fresh start on making friends.   I predicted that making friends would still be very hard since I could not speak English that well. However I ended up making a lot of friends who did speak my language. Then I learned language wasn’t the issue. My behavior was. I was right, I lost half of my new friends either because of the same behavior I had before, or because they moved away. Even as I came here, I hadn’t fully learned my lesson from the experiences I had back in my home country. I didn’t change my behavior, which caused me to repeat my behavior, which caused me to lose new friends.

SIX THINGS I’VE LEARNED ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

AVOID TRYING TO BEFRIEND LARGE GROUPS 

In 5th grade I met a kid who I would be best friends with for the next two years. He was the only friend that I had in 5th grade until I decided to fit into a larger group and make more friends by 6th grade. Bad decision. If you can’t make friends one-on-one, it’s only going to be harder approaching a large group. Approaching larger groups did not work out well for me. I had tried to fit in by asking the group if I could  join their game, but they either ignored me or said that there were too many people although in fact there was room for more. 

I tried sharing my snacks and helping them out. They accepted my food, and talked to me a little, but then I started noticing that they were beginning to use me. I wasn’t their friend, but more like an assistant robot. I also tried to be funny, and it didn't turn out great. I wasn’t able to make them laugh and only embarrassed myself. Finally, I tried to talk to them about a game that was trending in school, only to be called an addict. I was not an addict. I was just trying to fit in.

After I got my first smartphone, I was somewhat included since I was able to follow the trends that my friends talked about. When it came to general friendships, I still didn’t fit in. However, I still made one more friend before going up to middle school, where friend-related things took a brighter turn for me.

TWO: In my elementary school years, I faced a lot of toxicity both online and in school. It was painful because I had no one to share my pain with, and no one to help reduce my loneliness. What I learned from my  experiences from elementary school is that friends reduce the amount of loneliness in life and knowing how to make friends is a valuable skill to have. 

THREE: Contrary to what I first thought, I learned it is wiser to not be100% nice to people all the time. No one likes needy people pleasers. I learned when to be nice and when not to be so nice, and when to stand up for one’s boundaries and principles, even if it seems offensive or hurtful to some people. For instance, I refuse to be cruel or hurtful towards someone because others bully them.

FOUR: Most importantly, in spite of my having no friends at the time, by watching people with lots of friends I learned the importance of filtering the types of friends one has. I learned it’s very important to have at least one close friend who I can trust, turn to and both give and receive emotional support from, and a few casual friends for things like doing homework or socializing with. Those casual friendships might become closer, but don’t force them to. 

FIVE: I learned that I must not go too far with what people are talking about. Leave them wanting more of your thoughts, opinions, and stories, not wishing you would be quiet and talking about yourself all the time. Stick to what they are talking about in the present time. 

SIX: I learned that while laughter is fun and welcomed, I do not need to always try to make friends laugh. I can be funny, but more importantly, there is a time and place for humor, and it should never be at the expense of others. Don’t laugh at someone’s weakness, race, body, personality, or status. I should show appreciation when others are appropriately funny too. 

Most of all, I started to realize that as I got older, I wanted more friends and more company, and I started to feel the importance of making good friendship connections even more. I know this is a valuable skill  to have, and will only become more important as I get older.

PART TWO

Two months before my actual middle school year, the pre-algebra summer course that I was qualified for had started. I thought I was going to be all alone. Fortunately, I ended up fitting in perfectly because of a shared passion—math. 

Unlike the kids back in elementary school, other students in pre-algebra  had the same interest as me, and spoke my language. We had a lot in common. By the time the middle  school year started, I knew more people and was able to make more friends. 

However, the kids in middle school weren’t all interested in the things my elementary school friends were interested in. So, I thought about the interests we did share, and talked to them about that. And it turned out great. However, there was another problem. The kids that I got to know were closer to their friends they grew up with. I’d met them in 7th grade, so we weren’t as close. This caused me to get ignored when they were talking to their closer, longer-term friends. I tried to get as close to them as possible by talking to them as often as I could, but I only made myself an annoying person. 

Then, I started being curious about many things. For example, when something happened between people I knew, I would always go up and ask, “what happened?” They did respond but when I asked too often, they ignored me. I started to realize that I was being too clingy and interfering in things that were none of my business. One kid started ignoring every single call or everything I said to him. But he still talked to me when I wasn't being annoying. 

I tried my best to fix myself and make them pay attention to me again, but failed because of the Coronavirus pandemic. The district said that the Coronavirus pandemic would last only two weeks and we would be right back at school, but as soon as I heard that, I predicted the pandemic would be longer than a year.