A little back story. My mom and I have never had a good relationship. She’s always been distant with me and I with her, but she’s my mom, and no matter what I’ve always loved her. She’s been in prison numerous times for numerous reasons. She got arrested for drug abuse and possession of illegal substances many times. I don’t think I can recall a time when she wasn’t using or at least smoking weed. 

One day when I had just gotten home from school I got a text from an unknown number. As soon as I read it, I automatically knew who it was. My mom had just gotten out of prison and she was a year and a half sober. She said that she wanted to take my dad to court for visitation rights and that she wants to stay sober. I felt happy for her, for getting sober, for finally wanting to change her life for the better, for reaching out to me. But pissed is the emotion I felt the strongest. Pissed at her for not reaching out sooner, for not getting her life in order faster, for not realizing that her kids needed her, and for not treating herself with the respect she deserves.

I wanted to build a bond with her, I did, but every time before that I tried to do the same thing over and over again. She would gain my trust, then break it, time and time again. Things are different this time. She became more present. She actually did the things she said she wanted to do. She’s being a good mother to her kids. She’s with a guy that doesn’t treat her like absolute sh*t. 

She has been great to be. Our bond is stronger and tighter than it has ever been and I hope to make it even better. She’s almost three years sober now and I am so proud of how far she’s come. She will always be my number one. Even when I got upset with her and didn’t want to speak with her ever again, I still missed her, more than anything. My friends told me that even though I said I hated her they could tell how much I loved and missed her. My best friend told me that while we were growing up and I would talk about my mom it seemed like my hate was forced and that I needed her. 

Growing up without a mom meant I missed out on a lot of mother-daughter things. I didn’t have someone I could talk to about relationships, I didn’t have someone to talk to when I felt like breaking down. I didn’t have any of that. But now, I do and I couldn’t be happier. I’m so glad that I decided not to ignore her the day she texted me. If I had, we wouldn’t have the bond we have now. Honestly, we probably wouldn’t have anything. I’m so glad I pushed my anger and sadness aside long enough to text my mom back that day.