If you’ve ever played with puzzles you know that they come with a specific number of pieces, and each of those pieces connect to one another until they form one big image. I have a big family, and I am the youngest of six older sisters. Six pieces worked well for this puzzle, and I was the seventh piece always trying to figure out where I belong. 

During my childhood I stood in my older sister’s shadow for many years. I’ll never forget hearing my mom time and time again saying,“If your little sister wasn’t invited you can’t go”. My sister had to take me everywhere she went, and not because the other neighborhood kids truly wanted me there. It was a hard pill to swallow after I realized that for pretty much my entire childhood I was my sister’s plus one. 

For so long I was never seen as an individual, but rather people knew me for my six older siblings, and I remained unidentified for so many years of my life. I didn’t know who I was, and I convinced myself that I could never be destined for the good things in life. 

I hid in my dark, gloomy bedroom, and all four walls surrounding me reeked of isolation and rejection. There were times that I was so secluded that I wouldn’t see light for several days. I thought my existence was an error, and that something must have gone wrong because there’s no way I was supposed to happen. I hid away for a while because I never felt seen and my presence was never truly acknowledged, but in a sense I wanted to remain unknown because I didn’t even really like myself, so how could I expect others to like me? 

I’ll never forget what it was like to finally come to an understanding that life isn’t a puzzle, and we are not puzzle pieces. I spent so much time telling myself that I didn’t belong, so it soon became my reality. As an individual I don’t have to fit into anything, and I’ve often started asking myself the opposite question. Who or what fits me and my life? What makes me happy? 

It took experiencing a very lonely portion of my life to come to this understanding, and asking myself the questions that will benefit me rather than defeat me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I need these significant moments because I wouldn’t be who I am without them, and that is someone I can say I am extremely proud of. Even though this was a very painful and uncomfortable point in my life I’ve actually learned to appreciate it because my experiences are my puzzle pieces, and I am one complete and beautiful puzzle.