What are you? Where did you come from? Questions I get often as people take note of my caramel-colored skin and wonder what ethnicity I am, as they try to digest my possible racial makeup. Indian? Mexican? Dominican? Middle Eastern? Mulatto?  I used to answer, “Indian- American,” but more often than not, the Native tribes are the first thing that come to mind. Now I answer, “Asian-American,” - although I always include the added detail, “My dad is actually from India and my mom is white.” I can sense their assessment moving to the stereotypes that come with being Indian in America, “Is your family full of doctors? Do you own a convenience store? I bet you are really good at math. Does your house smell like curry?” I am not offended; people could be wondering worse things about me. The truth of it is that I often feel like I have the best of both worlds. Being a product of biracial heritage allows me to feel more connected with the world and experience life quite differently than non-biracial individuals. I don’t mind not fitting neatly into one box on an application. I don’t mind not belonging to one ethnic group and yet still showing up, as I see needed, to whatever group of brown-colored skins that I might find to be useful on any given day and in any given situation. And I don’t suffer from an identity crisis. There is more upside in being a chameleon than downside. Not everyone shares my views and 2020 proved that out. Current events, how the bi-racial population has grown, being mixed race, and openness to bi-racials heavily influence today’s experience of growing up brown in America.

Before 2020, I did not give much thought to the color of my skin, the color of my dad’s skin, or the color of my mom’s skin, and I certainly did not give thought to what lay deeper beyond the surface. I would sit through the annual Christmas mass at a large church in Green Bay, Wisconsin and not for one minute, pause to notice that my dad was the single brown face in a sea of whiteness - winter whiteness. The Wheeler School would send our family invitations to join Student of Color BBQs. I would roll my eyes. Did that mean none of my fun white friends would be there? Why would I want to go? And then 2020 happened. Along with a war against a global pandemic came another war - the whites vs the non-whites. Ok, maybe that sounds extreme, but it’s not far off – or so it felt. It started with a series of heated conflicts as to how Blacks are or are not being treated fairly, and then it turned to Asian hate crimes. Pick a side and dig your heels in at all costs. Which side am I rooting for?  Let’s see. My dad is a first-generation Indian immigrant whose parents moved to North America when he was three in hopes of giving their children a better life than that of their own upbringing in the poor, dirt-floored villages of Northern India. To this day, he works his butt off as a physician, front lines of Covid and overnight shifts included. He’s smart, dedicated, and even by his own admission, “living the American dream.” My mom grew up in a vanilla midwest town with the traditional family - stay at home mom, army veteran dad, one engineer brother and one policeman brother. She blazed her own path from a master’s degree to a working mom who never spent much time volunteering at classroom holiday parties but set up a life for our family that is, by almost all accounts, that of your average middle to upper-class white family living in New England. So where does that leave me? The year 2020 tried to make me feel like I had to pick a side, maybe that’s why I hated it so much.  

Race Identification, is two better than one? 

The first census in 1790 had only three racial categories: free whites, all other free persons and slaves. “Mulatto” was added in 1850, and other multiracial categories were included in subsequent years. Although bi-racial marriages were no longer considered criminal in 1967, it was not until the year 2000 when children of these marriages were finally allowed to identify as “biracial” on the national census (Swanson). The most recent census, in 2010, had 63 possible race categories: six for single races and 57 for combined races. In 2010, 2.9% of all Americans (9 million) chose more than one racial category to describe themselves. The largest groups were white-American Indian, white-Asian, white-Black and white-some other race (Pew). So just four short years before I was born, did the option to check “bi-racial” appear. This hits home and feels really archaic. In fact, I still find it infuriating when I cannot check two boxes, white and Asian- Indian and instead have to opt for biracial or multiracial as the catch-all. Studies show that bi-racials typically classify themselves through a process called physiognomy, or the practice of making decisions about a person’s race based on physical appearance (Swanson). Basically, if you think you look more Black than white, you identify as Black. Comparatively, minorities with lighter skin, like Asians, give themselves more freedom to choose a racial identity. Sounds about right to me as I survey my dad and notice his chalky-white-on-top-of-brown palms of hands. I ask him how he views himself and he ponders the question and answers with a sense of contentment, “I do not have an Indian accent and I do not have Indian mannerisms. I have, you know, a Western way of thinking and behaving in society and so I blend in. I think I blend in, you know, quite seamlessly into this culture even though I look like a foreigner” (Aggarwal). 

Beyond physical characteristics and appearance, why some people choose to self-identify as one category or two is highly dependent on education and socioeconomic status. Mothers who are college-educated are more likely to identify their children as bi-racial, as are the white male head of households and Black female head of households. The middle class is more likely than the working class to use the descriptor biracial and so are students attending majority-white schools. Only four-in-ten adults with a mixed racial background (39%) say they consider themselves to be “mixed race or multiracial.” Fully 61% say they don’t consider themselves to be multiracial (Pew).  

Unexpectedly, gender also drives identification, “Daughters of interracial parents are more likely than sons to identify as multiracial, and this is especially true for children of Black-white couples” (American). Among Black-white biracials, 76% percent of women and 64% of men identified as multiracial, 40% of Latino-white women and 32 % of Latino-white men self-labeled as multiracial. The Asian-white biracial gender impact is less substantial between genders, 56 % of women and 50% of men identify as multiracial (American). The reasoning behind this phenomenon is said to be tied to the perception of how others might see them, "It would seem that, for biracial women, looking racially ambiguous is tied to racial stereotypes surrounding femininity and beauty," said study author Lauren Davenport, an assistant professor of political science at Stanford University. "So, biracial women are often seen as not fully white and not entirely minority, and they are cast as kind of a mysterious, intriguing 'racial other.' However, biracial men may be more likely to be perceived as 'people of color.' I argue that the different ways that biracial people are viewed by others influences how they see themselves" (American).

Some people living in the US with one white and one non-white parent practice something called “race-switching” as a means of coping with pressures of racial identity. Race- switching allows an individual to identify and de-identify with different parts of their ethnicity at their own will (Swanson). While this is sometimes viewed as taking advantage of the system and maybe even hypocritical, certain situations that might be hostile at times make race-switching an effective coping strategy. Racial discrimination can result in choosing to de-identify with the race perceived to be targeted and instead identify with the more accepted race. Race-switching follows similar patterns in that kids who grew up in more educated households are less likely to race-switch. Individuals with higher self-esteem are also less likely to race-switch. Conversely, individuals who face more racially charged environments, like street gangs, are more likely to race-switch (Swanson). Clearly the amount of confidence one has, driven by one’s upbringing, has a direct impact on how comfortable one is in his or her own skin, and how comfortable one is defending his or her ethnic identity.   

Why and how multiracials identify themselves have implications beyond what might seem as “just interesting." Rates of interracial marriage continue to rise, and social scientists have estimated that one in five Americans will be of mixed-race by 2050. The overall  population is young, and how members of this group choose to label themselves going forward will have far-reaching and far-lasting implications for the American racial landscape and race relations (American). Racial identification is also important for the allocation of political resources, the implementation of affirmative action, and the enforcement of anti-discrimination laws in employment, education, and housing, “How biracial individuals choose to identify is more than an assertion of their racial group attachments—it also has real political consequences" (American).

Aidan Suchit Aggarwal, son of college educated parents attending a predominantly white, affluent school - Official self-identification: Bi-racial or white-Asian. 

It would be completely disrespectful to either or both of my parents to self-identify as anything but bi-racial. I will always gladly own this. No switching back and forth, two is better than one for me. 

But official classification is one thing. How you actually live is another. Aidan Suchit Aggarwal, dirty curveball thrower who is said to lean more red-neck Midwest - Unofficial self-identification: It depends. 

Being Mixed Race, then and now 

Few bi-racials see their mixed background as a disadvantage, and in fact 60% of multi-racial adults claim to be proud of their background, seeing it more as an advantage than a disadvantage (19% vs. 4%). They even go on to say they have rarely if ever felt ashamed or like an outsider because of their mixed racial background (Townsend). (It should be noted that this study was taken prior to a global pandemic originating from China and a series of perceived abuse incidents by police allegedly targeting blacks.)  This contrast further sharpens when white and Asian biracial Americans are compared with single-race whites and Asians. According to the survey, white and Asian biracial Americans are even more likely than single-race whites (58% vs. 32%, respectively) or Asians (15%) to say their racial background has been an advantage (Townsend). Meanwhile, only about one-in-ten say their mixed racial background has made them feel ashamed (8%) or like an outsider (12%). Biracial adults who are white and Asian are far more likely than other biracial Americans to say their mixed race background has been mainly an advantage and to express high levels of satisfaction with the quality of life in their communities. While these views are shared by each of the five biggest multiracial groups, a large proportion of white and Asian, again lighter skinned biracials, who see their racial background as an advantage stands out. About six-in-ten in this group (58%) say their racial background has been an advantage to them in life. In the other four groups, only about one-in-four or fewer say their racial heritage has been as helpful (Pew).

So why is it perceived to be advantageous to be biracial if you are Asian but a liability if you are biracial and Black? In October of  2020, in the midst of the days leading up to the contentious 2020 presidential vote, NBC News wrote a piece called, “Not enough or double the prejudice: On being Black and Asian American in 2020.” It discusses how as the Black Lives Matter movement was gaining traction, “communities are challenging  the model minority myth, colonialism and colorism to explain how the histories of both Black and Asian communities have shaped how they interact today” (Venkatraman). They interviewed several Asian-Blacks and the experiences of one stood out to me in particular. Dan Reed is a 32-year-old Black- Indian Guyanese man who grew up largely subscribing to his mother’s Indian culture. However, appearance wise, Dan is 6’1” with nappy hair - he looks black all day long. Dan discusses a long history with being told he was black starting with his fourth grade teacher who crossed out the “Asian” bubble on his standardized test, leaving only the “Black” one filled in, “I’ve had these experiences with the police in the past that, if I get pulled over, no one’s going to care if I’m half Indian. I don’t get to benefit from the model-minority myth” (Venkatraman).

Dr. Kelena Reid, History teacher at the Moses Brown School, is of white and African American ethnicity in her early 40’s. Her appearance is definitely that of a darker skinned person than a white-Asian and she identifies herself as Black. I talked to her outside in the Grove one afternoon in September while she was casually eating her lunch. In both Dr. Reid’s neighborhood and private school, there were kids of many races but she was the only bi-racial student in the whole school. I had a previous understanding that there were very few bi-racial families at the time, but because Dr. Reid was the ONLY bi-racial, she found that sometimes it was really easy to fit in with multiple groups but other times she was made fun of for trying to fit into a Black club because even though she identified as Black, other students still viewed her as half and half. Dr. Reid comments, “I think that’s what’s changed between then and now. Now, you have more freedom to identify yourself as you want and be accepted for it, or at least that’s been mostly my experience.”  

Why is this? One reason may be education and presumably an education level that leads to higher socioeconomic status. “Indians in the United States are, arguably, the nation’s most successful immigrant group. According to the 2012 Pew Research Center report The Rise of Asian Americans, 70% of Indians aged 25 and over have college degrees, 2.5 times the national average. Their median household income, $88,000, is nearly double that of the average American. At 1% of the US population (3.1 million), Indians constitute 1% of the US Congress” (Khan). In America, living as the stereotypical white person is fairly attainable. “In an example of aspirational assimilation taken to a higher level of effort, there is the former South Carolina governor and current US Ambassador to the United Nations, Nikki Haley. Born Nimrata Nikki Randhawa, Haley marked ‘white’ on her voter registration form in 2001” (Khan). So it stands to reason that white-Asian Americans migrated to America to find a better life and perhaps based on their cultural work ethic, obsession with science and technology and driven by stereotypical tiger mamas, a large majority has been able to attain what they came for - money, community status, and a better life….all equal parts of the American Dream.

Going back to the interview with my dad who has embraced the American way of life, “It’s a long way from dirt floors in India.”  For many first generation immigrants, this is not necessarily how they saw themselves, but as my dad says, “Back when I was a broke resident, this is exactly how your mother and I planned it”(Aggarwal). Officially these educated Indian and white-Asians are bi-racial; unofficially, they are living the white man’s dream at rates higher than the white men themselves. No wonder there is a sense of pride. But this is for adults. Do we as bi-racial kids deal with the slurs and the social perception of the, “smart Asian kids who go to math club and don’t play sports, because we know it will all pay off? This is where it gets sticky for me. 

I attend a predominately white school and play a very white sport in hockey and very brown sport in baseball. Hockey has been full of racial jokes starting from the beginning, as there are very few Indians who play hockey. Comments such as “what are you, half ni—er?” and “rice eater” and even “oh my god, your skin is all red and brown,” a comment that was said to me in the Brooks School locker room in white, privileged Andover, Massachusetts when I was 10 years old. “I’m Indian, you idiot,” I remember responding to the pasty white kid with snot running down his face and a dad untying his skates giving him the evil eye to shut up. In hockey, you get judged on appearance only and if you are not getting judged on the color of your skin, you are getting judged on how you skate, how you just got toe-dragged, or how your shot sucks, even when it doesn’t. Hockey kids have the biggest mouths in sports. Black, brown, white or purple, you learn to not even bother involving ethnicity or race or anything to do with how you might self-identify. You just grow a thick skin. At one point early on, my mother suggested that I try to correct these kids because while it may not bother me, it might bother the next person. In other words, silence is bad. No, silence in this case is equal to not wasting your time. Over the years, the conversation in our house has turned to, “only you get to define you,” so that’s the extent to which we deal with racism against our bi-racial heritage now. It’s not for everyone, but it’s how I prefer it. 

Baseball, my first passion in life, is different. While I don’t pretend to pass off my brown skin as Dominican, I can’t say that I mind blending right in. No questions asked. I feel as though I am more accepted because of the color of my skin and the fact that I truly feel a connection with my teammates. While I don’t actually “race-switch,” I pick up on other little things to try and blend in, like trading in a Gatorade water bottle for a used milk jug. Recently, another pitcher joined our Fall Ball League. “Ethan” is a player whom I have known for several years. Ethan’s dad was a pitching coach for a baseball team that I was on a few years back. Ethan is fair -skinned with blue eyes and hair cut so short you can see his peach scalp. Ethan lasted two weeks and quit the team. Why? Was he going to have to work harder to be accepted onto this predominantly Dominican team? Yes. Harder than me? Probably. Thank you, brown-skin. 

Walking in my Shoes, walking in your shoes

Multiracial and biracials, like the kids on the RI Devils baseball team, have a more open and understanding approach to people of other races and cultures. About six-in-ten (59%) multiracial Americans believe their mixed racial background has made them more open to cultures other than their own, and about as many (55%) have felt that they are more understanding of people of different racial backgrounds and the other half felt like mixed racial backgrounds had no impact on them. This is especially the case among multiracial adults who have attended college: as 69% of college graduates feel they have a deeper understanding (Pew). Dr. Reid commented, “Even though it can be a challenging experience, I think the advantages are that you really understand two worlds, you can see two perspectives and the complexity of life.” 

I chose this topic because of all the attention race and identity has gotten over the last year. I chose it because I wanted to find out more about how other biracials view what sometimes feels like an unfair accusation that “whites don’t get us.” It turns out that there are major differences between how different groups of biracials see themselves and see others. It’s actually a lot more complex than whites and non-whites. Skin tone, gender, and education are just a few of the key considerations to understanding the worlds of multiracials. While I have not felt ashamed of refusing to pick a side, I actually feel justified in my happiness of being a chameleon  - bobbing, weaving, blending in, or standing out. The decision is mine. Thank you to my dad for setting this example, “I live in America and it truly is the greatest melting pot on earth. I am a lucky man” (Aggarwal).  

WORKS CITED:

Aggarwal Suchit. Personal interview. 18 September, 2021. 

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