It was a typical Saturday evening. I was sprawled across the bed and mindlessly scrolling through my phone when I heard a sudden wail from downstairs. Initially annoyed, I rolled out of bed and shuffled downstairs where I saw my little brother with tears welling in his eyes and cradling our dog Tommy in his arms. Countless thoughts flashed past my mind, and I gently took Tommy from his embrace to check. While I tried to find out what happened, I heard my brother choke out between sobs, “he’s dead.”  I was deeply shocked and upset by the loss of my dog, but I still managed to get over it on my own. My brother on the other hand had a far more difficult time coming to terms with the death of our pet. For the following days, he spent more time alone, had random bursts of melancholy, and started blaming himself for the death of our dog. Seeing his behavior, I began to be worried about my little brother. I had concerns about how I should be helping him and how this could affect him in the future.

If you’ve gone through the death of a beloved pet, you probably know what it feels like to helplessly watch on as your sibling goes through grief. If you haven’t gone through such an event, you may be concerned about how you should react in a similar situation. Losing a pet is a painful experience, but it can be even more so with young children around the ages of 5-12. According to the Yale Child Study Center, children start to grasp the irreversibility of death at the age of 5 and usually have developed a more mature understanding of death in their teenage years. 

Effects of Grief

The time that they spend with their pets usually leads to deep emotional attachments, especially if they are experiencing this type of bonding for the first time. Although those attachments can have many positive benefits, the loss of one can bring on a few negative effects. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, “once children accept death, they are likely to display their feelings of sadness on and off over a long period of time.” Even if they come to terms with it, short moments of sadness may reoccur if there are triggers such as seeing other animals similar to their pets or seeing objects that used to belong to their pets. In extremely severe cases, children may even show signs of loss of appetite, bursts of anger, and increased calls for attention. With the possibility of these concerning symptoms appearing, what can you do to help?

How To Help

It is natural to want to help your sibling, but you may be having trouble figuring out how best to do so. Many confusions about how you should react, what you should say, and how you ought to comfort them will likely arise. One way to help is to show how you’re feeling about what’s happening. Christopher Hall, director of the Australian Center for Grief and Bereavement advises that rather than showing an image of “being strong,” it may be better to show how you feel about what happened. “The situation will be easier to get through if they realize you can be okay and upset at the same time.” If they see that you’re okay even while going through the same thing, it can help serve as an example of how they should cope with their feelings. 

As is the case in most things regarding interpersonal interactions, communication is key. Another way is to talk to them about their feelings and help them organize their thoughts. Psychotherapist Sarah Roffe explains that when talking to a child who’s going through grief, you should “try your best not to convince your child out of a feeling.” It’s better to let them know that it’s okay to be feeling sad, and talk with them about what they’re going through. Once they accept that it is okay to grieve and that they can overcome the sadness, it will be easier for them to come to terms with the death and return to normal. 

Conclusion

It’s important to remember that these methods likely won’t immediately improve your sibling’s condition, but you can be sure that they’ll help. Don’t be discouraged if they don’t show any signs of improvement at first. By patiently guiding them through their feelings, you’ll be providing them with a stable path toward improvement. 

Sources

Aacap. “Grief and Children.” Grief and Children, aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-And-Grief-008.aspx#:~:text=Children%20should%20be%20allowed%20to,but%20also%20at%20unexpected%20moments. 

"How to... help your child grieve for a pet." Sun-Herald [Sydney, Australia], 20 July 2008, p. 11. Gale In Context: Opposing Viewpoints, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A280730301/GPS?u=over30272&sid=bookmark-GPS&xid=e361c5d3. Accessed 5 May 2022.

Pevzner, Holly. "How to Help a Grieving Child: Loss does not discriminate against the young. In fact, research shows that the vast majority of kids will experience the death of a close family member or friend at some point in childhood. And while their grief may look different than yours, know that children do mourn. Use these tips to help your kid navigate a difficult time, and don't be afraid to enlist the help of a therapist if your child really doesn't seem like themself." Prevention, vol. 73, no. 11, Nov. 2021, pp. 90+. Gale In Context: Science, link.gale.com/apps/doc/A679525694/GPS?u=over30272&sid=bookmark-GPS&xid=efebcc22. Accessed 5 May 2022.

“Children's Understanding of Death at Different Ages.” Child Study Center, Yale, 11 May 2022, medicine.yale.edu/childstudy/.