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I Can't Seem To Tear Myself Away
I can’t stop looking in the mirror. If I keep staring, perhaps my reflection will change. If I keep staring, perhaps I’ll have that flat stomach I crave so much. If I keep staring, perhaps my acne will go away. If I keep staring, perhaps my teeth will straighten themselves. If I keep staring, perhaps all of my perceived flaws will magically disappear on their own. If I keep staring, will I somehow fix myself? If I keep staring, will my friends like me more? If I keep staring, willing myself to change more and more, will I become deserving of love? If I keep staring, will I stop worrying? If I keep staring, will those nagging thoughts of pain disappear? If I keep staring, will I see the love people show me?
I stopped staring. I stopped staring because my stomach is still chubby. I stopped staring because my teeth are still the same as before. I stopped staring because my acne is still ever-present. I stopped staring because my flaws haven’t disappeared. I stopped staring because I no longer need fixing. I stopped staring because I no longer worry about if I’m liked. I stopped staring because I no longer wonder if I deserve love. I stopped staring because I no longer worry about things out of my control. I stopped staring because I am no longer filled with thoughts of pain. I stopped staring because I no longer forget the love shown to me every day.
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I wrote this as a way to express my feelings and the issues I have about myself and issues I know others have as well. I wanted to have this work "mirror" itself (I know, so cheesy) to show how things aren't always how they appear and how things can come full circle in a good way.